Moonview Highway

It's actually one of my favorite tracks in Mario Kart Wii but playing that recently with my daughter had me thinking more into it.

We are always traveling on a road.Yet like on Moonview Highway, we have to watch for those who will run us over or us watch that we don't collide and lose our focus. The other thing Mario Kart would teach is that as obstacles hit us, we get up and keep going. We keep striving for the finish line, first or last, as long as we cross, we did what we were called to do. Even on the parts of the journey that we fall off of constantly, we have to get back on and keep going. Even when you do what I did today and break a pinky toe then stub it again a few hours later!!! OUCH! What's funny is the second time I stubbed it, I stubbed it on my floor shark! Yeah, a shark bit me! lol

Rainbow road, the easiest track to fall off of....

We may be beat up and ragged by the time we finish but we all will finish. Where are we going after we finish is the biggest question.

Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~

Did we lose?

This post might be better for my Holland blog but I'll share it here too.

"Sometimes when you lose, you win."

It's a line from a Robin Williams movie. I miss him.....



What does that line have to do with today's post you ask? When the journey to Holland beings, all too often we feel like either we have lost or our child(ren) have. Lost in this case could mean many things. Lost the dreams we had, lost the ability to do things and more. We feel like our world has fallen apart and crashed on us.

Yet did we really lose? There are days when it sure feels that way..... Yet look at all the blessings our gems give us? They may not shine under the same light as others do but I think with the light they have, they shine brighter. The light for 'typical' children isn't better or worse but it's different. I don't see special needs children as better or worse off. Medically sometimes yes, as unfortunately that can be reality but yet they are also the strongest warriors. Yet as many parents including myself would say, we aren't stronger or better then other parents either, it's just that when you are flung into this journey, you have no choice but to push forward. Help from friends and family and even strangers helps a lot though. A LOT.


"It takes a very special person to care for children with special needs. God gives them to people who will love them no matter what." One of my favorite nurses, Anita told me this the other day. It took me a long time to really, truly accept this. Yet I think she's right.

I also teased her and a few other friends by posting this: "Let it be known that I am the least miss plan-it with type A tendencies. I also do not worry about anything whatsoever and I do not have any control tendencies."

Those that know me, know that I am full of it on that one. lol Yet the struggle is real. It has benefits yet also curses. The hardest part for me is knowing the difference sometimes...

Trust is my hardest one. Trusting anyone other then myself and even then sometimes I don't. As my son's surgery approaches, that is one storm that is already rolling in. Blood checks and shots start this coming week to bring on more blood into my son's little body so he will deal with the surgery better on that aspect. Yet as I have done before, we will get through this. I have to be the mean momma and hold him down but I thank God that he's too young to remember. My daughter however is not as she will bear witness this time to what she had to deal with at about his same age.

Even through my daughter has been through this before, more then once, her eyes will be opened to a whole new perspective as now being the sibling. May my children help each other through this journey they have and may I be the rock they need. Most of all, may my husband and I rely on our Rock, to lead and guide us.

So did we really lose? I don't think so. It's no cakewalk by any means but the blessings outweigh the bad. May I remember that on the bad days too.


My storm: This coming week begins summer officially and it's already looking to be a crazy one...
My rainbow: Blessings in unexpected places.

Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~

What's in your purse?

Our lovely mentor mom for MOPS and my personal accountability person had a great devotional time with us today at our last MOPS meeting of the year. What Jacque shared with us, I'm going to share here. I don't carry all of this in my purse literally but it makes you think.

"As I was thinking about my purse today I was reminded of that icebreaker game we ladies sometimes play at meetings or retreats.

What's in your purse? Several items are called out and the winner is the one who can find the most items called in their purses. It's kind of a fun game and I chuckled to myself just thinking about the times I've played that game with other Christian ladies over the years.

Then it struck me that I could be asked almost anything and I'd have it on hand in my purse.

Why do I put in all those things to carry around with me when I go somewhere? Some of them are just so unnecessary.

I think that I do that as a Christian too. I get up and pop in my bag a lot of unnecessary things that I don't need to be carrying around with me throughout the day.

Maybe I should just stick to the basics and take along in my purse just some necessities.

CELL PHONE.
The first thing I'd better put in my purse is my communication device, which is prayer of course. If I need something, all i need to do is pray and the Lord is there to hear me.

Having that open communication with Christ throughout the day gives me a sense of security.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 - Pray without ceasing.

KEYS
I'll need my keys to drive my car and to unlock the house door when I come home.

Faith is the key that unlocks doors so that's something I surely don't want to leave behind.

Have you ever locked yourself out of your car or out of your house? That is such a helpless feeling when you are left without your keys.

It's the same way when we leave faith out of our lives. We're stuck and helpless as Christians. Faith is imperative to our survival each day.

Hebrews 11:6 Without faith no one can please God. Anyone who comes to God must believe that He is real and that He rewards those who truly want to find.

DRIVERS LICENSE (In wallet)
Next I'd better pop in my identification. Having that card inn my wallet that has my picture on it and says I can drive is great because not only can I drive with it but it serves as identification for me too.

My identification with Christ gives me even greater benefits; I have eternal life through Him. If I remember my identification with the Lord it will make me think a little more about the way I act and react throughout my day.

I'm one of God's children.

Romans 8:16-17 The spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's chldren. Now if we are children, then we are heirs - heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

MONEY or DEBIT CARD (In wallet)
If I'm going out to run errands, I'm usually going to end up spending some money or having to use my debit card in case I need to make some purchases.

Instead of just investing in earthly things, I hope I find myself laying up some treasure in Heaven throughout my day.

Matthew 6:19-21 Do not gather for yourselves riches on earth. Moths and rats can destroy them. Thieves can break in and steal them. Instead, gather for yourselves riches in heaven. There, moths and rats do not destroy them. There, thieves do not break in and steal them. Your heart will be where your riches are.
SUNGLASSES
I'll want to keep a pair of sunglasses with me. I hope I can remember to look through my eyes throughout the day as Christ would. I need to see with eyes of love, compassion, and kindness.

Phil 2:1-4 Does your life in Christ give you strength? Does his love comfort you? Do we share together in the spirit? Do you have mercy and kindness? If so, make me very happy by having the same thoughts, sharing the same love, and having one mind and purpose. When you do things, do not let selfishness or pride be your guide. Instead, be humble and give more honor to others than to yourselves. Do not be interested only in your own life, but be interested in the lives of others.

PACKAGE OF TISSUES
Better throw a pack of tissues into my purse. I need to be reminded to shed a few tears for other souls. I trust I'll have a tender heart when it comes to the question of eternity for those I meet throughout my day.

Psalm 126:5 Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.
HAND LOTION.
I'll need to drop in a tube of hand lotion before I go. I need to be reminded to put a little softness into my day when I react to situations and to people that I come in contact with.

Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer will calm a person's anger, but an unkind answer will cause more anger.
LIPSTICK.
I might need a touch up so I'd better include a tube of lipstick in my purse. I need to be reminded to put some praise and singing on my lips everywhere I go throughout my day.

Psalm 34:1 I will praise the LORD at all times; His praise is always on my lips.

CONCLUSION:
It is so easy to get up in the morning and drop in some unnecessary things to take along with us as we go about our day.

Sometimes I take grumpiness or a bad attitude with me on my way. Those things really clutter up my life.

You may have some other thins that you carry with you all the time that are getting in your way of serving Christ on a daily basis.

I think sometimes we need to turn our lives upside down and dump everything out except for those things that honor Christ.

We need to be tidy with our Christian lives and just have those things at our fingertips that please the Lord.

SO WHAT'S IN YOUR PURSE??"


Wow....

The last few days I have struggled with feelings about some things. Yet to be reminded to praise God at ALL times, no matter how bad it is, that's hard. When things are bad or I'm in a bad mood, my first impulse is to listen to music that will only feed that. Yet listening to songs like Broken Hallelujah, Still and others like that do really uplift. Other times I listen to 3 Doors Down and sometimes other songs like Who's got my back by Creed or My Own Prison that feed the anger or sadness I feel. There are other songs on both sides that I listen to.

I'm going to be real for a minute here. This week I was betrayed by a friend, or at least was a target of a rant she did on Facebook about my 'disabled' kids and that I don't work so they can stay on Medicaid. Hubs works and he has insurance that covers all four of us. Medicaid is secondary for the kids...... She admitted it was about me when I confronted her about it and I pointed out that the pot can't call the kettle black here. I'm not 'over it' I admit and I ask for prayer about this that my heart will face this the way God would want me to face it instead of getting hard hearted.

The message that Jacque shared today was honestly one I needed to hear and one that I am glad I can share here as well.

I will end my post today with an awareness post I made a few days ago in light of this week.

"I sit amazed seeing my son sleep how big he is. Despite naysayers, he is thriving. He is not my daughter nor is my daughter him. What do I mean? They share one diagnosis. One. She has 14 total, he has three so far. Do I have my moments? Yes.... Everyone does! Even you! Yet does that make them worthless? Heck no! Burdens? No! Is money tight? Yes.... God provides thus far. God created them and has a plan. None of us choose genetics. Even if I knew at conception that my son would have issues I would have had him anyways. Same with my daughter, I would never abort and if I did, what message is that sharing? Disabled/medically issues aren't worth life? I also don't work because we would lose Medicaid and I would have to have time off often for appointments and surgeries. The money I would make wouldn't even budge the budget by the time it was all figured in, in fact we would be worse off. Hubs does that math often. I'm not a mooch. We take care of our kids. Medicaid and other programs were designed to help. Not all mooch and "earn" a living off of government. Besides, if you use ANY government aid yourself, you are the pot calling the kettle black. Think about it.

As I said recently, I would trade my children in for nothing. They are a blessing and gift from God. They were fearfully and wonderfully made by God the way God wanted them to be. God knew their story and who their parents would be before we did. God knit them in my womb knowing all that would come. Does God make mistakes? No!
Things are rough sometimes and I worry sometimes about how things will turn out for them and for us. Yet God has a plan for all of us. I don't see us having a quiver full but my children have a story and as many as my daughter has touched in 8 short years, I can imagine how many my son will touch. I wouldn't trade that, ever.
My children won't be raised to conform to this world but to teach this world. Special needs children aren't a burden, they are a blessing. I think God allowed "disabilities" so they can teach the world about God's truth, faith and HOPE.
Without hope, we have nothing.
People don't need to judge till they know the full story. My children amaze me and the people around them need to see it too. It's not all about the diagnosis and or disability.

Just sayin."


My storm: I get to hold my son down for blood draws next week. The following week he will start weekly injections and blood draws to prep for surgery.
My rainbow: I am blessed to have my children, "disabilities" or not. Children are indeed a gift from God.

Blessings!!
~ Special Momma ~

Tornado Warnings

The county west of us had three different tornado warnings last night. I was sure we would get one here but we did not. However I was watching the weather and looking outside. It was quite ominous looking.

We lost power for a few hours shortly after this. Thankfully my brother-in-law had power and was texting me updates on what the weather was doing. When we lost power I really did start to get nervous. Fortunately I have a battery/crank radio so I listened to a local station with that since WiFi was knocked out too.I honestly was getting nervous for a little bit there.

How are we when storms in our lives come in? When the tornado siren goes off in our lives and we don't know if there really is one barreling at us or just a really bad storm or best case, a glitch?

How about when we have known for a while it's coming?

Sometimes the best thing you can do is pray.... Yet even then sometimes debris will hit you from where you least expect. Standing firm and deeply rooted in our faith is the best way to survive the storms. Always remember there is a rainbow on the other side, even if we don't always see it.


Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~

Psalm 139

Psalm 139

¹ O Lord, you have examined my heart
    and know everything about me.
² You know when I sit down or stand up.
    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
³ You see me when I travel
    and when I rest at home.
    You know everything I do.
⁴ You know what I am going to say
    even before I say it, Lord.
⁵ You go before me and follow me.
    You place your hand of blessing on my head.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too great for me to understand!

⁷ I can never escape from your Spirit!
    I can never get away from your presence!
⁸ If I go up to heaven, you are there;
    if I go down to the grave,^[a] you are there.
⁹ If I ride the wings of the morning,
    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
    and your strength will support me.
¹¹ I could ask the darkness to hide me
    and the light around me to become night—
¹²     but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
    Darkness and light are the same to you.

¹³ You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
¹⁵ You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
¹⁶ You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed.

¹⁷ How precious are your thoughts about me,^[b] O God.
    They cannot be numbered!
¹⁸ I can’t even count them;
    they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
    you are still with me!

My pastor at church this morning preached on this. His first question was this: Ever feel like you impact nobody? We should value our own worth not on what we do for a living, money we make, what others think of us or even what we look like. Our value should only be based on what God thinks of us, nobody else.

God knows us
God pursues us - Even if we don't Him.
God made us! Psalm 139 shows it! There are other verses that prove this!
God has plans for us!

With that in mind:

I would trade my children in for nothing. They are a blessing and gift from God. They were fearfully and wonderfully made by God the way God wanted them to be. God knew their story and who their parents would be before we did. God knit them in my womb knowing all that would come. Does God make mistakes? No!
Things are rough sometimes and I worry sometimes about how things will turn out for them and for us. Yet God has a plan for all of us. I don't see us having a quiver full but my children have a story and as many as my daughter has touched in 8 short years, I can imagine how many my son will touch. I wouldn't trade that, ever.

My children won't be raised to conform to this world but to teach this world. Special needs children aren't a burden, they are a blessing. I think God allowed "disabilities" so they can teach the world about God's truth, faith and HOPE.

Without hope, we have nothing. Absolutely nothing.....

My storm: We are down to one car this week.
My rainbow: I asked God to see a rainbow today and I did on the way home today. It was faint but it was definitely there. I can barely see it in the pic from my phone.

Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~

Rest stop

"Parenthood, to me, was like a giant swimming pool. I saw other people in the pool and they looked okay. And, tentatively, I put my foot in the water. Suddenly, someone grabbed me from behind and threw me in the deep end of the pool. In the deep end! How unfair!"

~ Jennifer Enderlin Blougouras ~

That's how the journey begins. It's like you are ready to go then you get started then you wind up lost. You don't have the proper maps, the GPS doesn't work properly and you are just totally lost in the middle of nowhere. As you wander around lost, you stumble onto a rest stop. You go in there to find out your journey is not what you thought it would be but you are helped to at least begin a different one. One that will take you not where you first planned but where you are destined for. The one that God designed for us to be on.

The Denison pic is that of our favorite rest stop just as we get into Texas going to Dallas. We almost always stop in there. One of the best rest stops that I have seen.We will see that rest stop again in July. That is when my son gets his first major surgery of God knows what..... Again I had to consent to the day and agree to this. It's not my first go round with this but it sure isn't any easier either.

Recently I went to Fayetteville for my son to have therapy evals done. I went twice. The first time I was leaving and the GPS messed me up. Does this look like a road that would take me to the interstate??



No it doesn't even though it was pretty to see. Had my GPS not messed up, I would have never known about this long gravel road and seen how pretty it really was out there. Imagine this in the peak of fall!! You never know what the journey will bring or take you...

The storm is coming though..... Storms come as does rainbows but I know a big storm is coming yet I know we will make it on the other side of that one too. More gray hair probably but still.... :) Beauty can be found within. No telling what families we will meet this time in Dallas. Our journey has many blessings along with the storms.
Reality hit me today after I got that phone call from Dallas. Reality hit again when I was arranging with the pediatrician's nurse the weekly shots and blood draws my son will have to have starting next month to prepare for his surgery. She and I got some laughs but also had to talk serious stuff. Surgery, therapy, swallow study and more..... Big stuff coming up this summer..... I will also get my first experience at driving a mini-van in a big city. It's been 8 years since I drove one. Yeah... Pray for that. lol

Right now I'm listening to Still by Hillsong. Remembering this:

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still, know You are God

May I rest in the Lord....

Rest in the Lord
By: Melissa Whitney - I think

Based on Psalm 37:7, "Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him..."

Often we are tried and troubled
Many a care have we;
Jesus knows each thought, each feeling,
He sees what we can’t see.
He knows that every flame He sends
Will only purify;
Every flood can wash us clean
When He is by our side.

Rest in the Lord; wait patiently for Him
He will be your light when the way has grown dim
Rest in the Lord; wait patiently for Him
He will guide you, walk beside you
Just trust in Him.

When we cannot see why
A problem must arise
Jesus knows the end will make it
Worth our flooded eyes
He works each circumstance together
As part of His wise plan
He only asks we trust Him fully
And, by His grace, we can

Rest in the Lord; wait patiently for Him
He will be your light when the way has grown dim
Rest in the Lord; wait patiently for Him
He will guide you, walk beside you
Just trust in Him.

Things and people change
Though we wish they’d stay the same
Jesus is the only one
Who doesn’t ever change
He’s always there to lead and guide us
Be our faithful friend
His love can never, ever fail
He’ll be with us to the end!

So rest in the Lord; wait patiently for Him
He will be your light when the way has grown dim
Rest in the Lord; wait patiently for Him
He will guide you, walk beside you
Just trust in Him.

Written January 2005


My storm: Finding out the day my son gets his first major surgery today...
My rainbow: Knowing I have friends and family praying and supporting us.

Blessings!

~ Special Momma ~

Shoes in church

Shoes in Church

I showered and shaved................ I adjusted my tie.
I got there and sat................ In a pew just in time.
Bowing my head in prayer............ As I closed my eyes.
I saw the shoe of the man next to me....... Touching my own. I sighed.
With plenty of room on either side......... I thought, 'Why must our soles touch?'
It bothered me, his shoe touching mine.. But it didn't bother him much.
A prayer began: 'Our Father'............. I thought,
'This man with the shoes, has no pride. They’re dusty, worn, and scratched.
Even worse, there are holes on the side!'
'Thank You for blessings,' the prayer went on.
The shoe man said................. A quiet 'Amen.'
I tried to focus on the prayer....... But my thoughts were on his shoes again..
Aren't we supposed to look our best. When walking through that door?
'Well, this certainly isn't it,' I thought, glancing toward the floor.
Then the prayer was ended............ And the songs of praise began .
The shoe man was certainly loud..... Sounding proud as he sang.
His voice lifted the rafters........ His hands were raised high.
The Lord could surely hear.. The shoe man's voice from the sky.
It was time for the offering........ And what I threw in was steep.
I watched as the shoe man reached.... Into his pockets so deep.
I saw what was pulled out.......... What the shoe man put in.
Then I heard a soft 'clink' as when silver hits tin.
The sermon really bored me.......... To tears, and that's no lie.
It was the same for the shoe man... For tears fell from his eyes.
At the end of the service........ As is the custom here.
We must greet new visitors, And show them all good cheer.
But I felt moved somehow........... And wanted to meet the shoe man.
So after the closing prayer........ I reached over and shook his hand.
He was old and his skin was dark..... And his hair was truly a mess.....
But I thanked him for coming.......... For being our guest...
He said, 'My name’s Charlie............ I'm glad to meet you, my friend.'
There were tears in his eyes......... But he had a large, wide grin..
'Let me explain,' he said............. Wiping tears from his eyes.
'I've been coming here for months...... And you're the first to say 'Hi.''
'I know that my appearance...........Is not like all the rest.
'But I really do try....................To always look my best.'
'I always clean and polish my shoes...Before my very long walk.'
'But by the time I get here........They're dirty and dusty, like chalk.'
My heart filled with pain............ And I swallowed to hide my tears.
As he continued to apologize.......... For daring to sit so near
He said, 'When I get here............ I know I must look a sight.'
'But I thought if I could touch you....Then maybe our souls might unite.'
I was silent for a moment............. Knowing whatever was said
Would pale in comparison.... I spoke from my heart, not my head.
'Oh, you've touched me,' I said.......'And taught me, in part'
'That the best of any man..............Is what is found in his heart.'
The rest, I thought,............... This shoe man will never know.
Like just how thankful I really am.... That his dirty old shoe touched my soul

Live each day as your last, for we never know our time here on earth. Love and Peace My Friends and remember that it is not how we look on the outside but how we look within .

I'm not sure who wrote this but I don't think anymore needs said today....

Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~

My storm today: Nervous about the swallow study for my son this week
My rainbow: I got caffeine today! ;)

Why rainbows?

Today's post I honestly stole from a page I stumbled on today. It's linked.

Why Rainbows in Storms?

"Why the blog title?  Good question.

How often do we hear terms like “look on the bright side”?  Some people recommend we focus on the positives in life and ignore the negatives, but how much do we miss out on if we only focus on the positives?  Think about it.  If a storm passes by and you turn your back to it so that you can see the clear skies, you miss the rainbow, right?

Rainbows can only be created when rain and sunlight war together for dominance.  The rainbow, in essence, reminds us that the clouds and storm will not stay forever.  The sun will come shining through and disperse the darkness around us.  See, the rainbow is much more than just a natural phenomenon.  It is a symbol; a symbol of hope and promise.   

This symbol reminds us that even in the midst of change and uncertainty, even when we feel battered and buffeted by all that life throws at us – we can be sure of God’s overarching love and the promise of hope.

Sometimes the clear skies don’t come; storm upon storm rolls in.  Some people see this as a form of heavenly punishment.  What they fail to remember is that rain is necessary for things to grow.  Without rain, we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the beautiful things in life- and we won’t grow. 

Some of the most beautiful and cherished points in my life are the times when I was able to gaze at the rainbows while the storm raged around me.  So many people miss the beauty of the trials they undergo.  They focus on the negatives or they try to rush through to the clear skies on the other side.  I wanted this blog to help remind people to embrace the storms, to live through them.  It is all made worth it when you are given the gift of a Rainbow in the Storm."

Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~

My storm: Stupid allergies!
My rainbow: Going to a marriage conference tonight and my sweet neighbor watched my son. 

Night Light

"As the murky depths envelop her, so shall its darkness caress her soul."
--Kimbers--

The sun has just set. You knew as dusk set in that midnight was coming. Midnight is the darkest time. It's when the shadows are at their biggest, noises are heard the most or when silence rings loudest. It was under a full moon that Jesus prayed alone in the garden knowing his biggest trial was at hand. He knew midnight, his death was approaching. Now, we may not be approaching death in the literal sense but how often does a small piece of us die each time we deal with trauma? When our children are in pain and we can't do anything about it? When we know they face surgery yet nothing to stop it? Justified or not, the fear, worry, sadness, insomnia, constant battles, etc. we face? If not dealt with, we eventually die inside. Dying spirituality and or emotionally is often more prolonged and painful then a physical death.


Darkness, Midnight, Storms, Hell, whatever many call it, we know it as times in life where life isn't "good". Most would just rather avoid any of that and keep life to sunshine and roses. Those are good, very good. Yet do we learn in those times? Often not the lessons that teach us strength, faith and humility....

Besides, without night, would we see the moonlight or the stars as much? See how bright the moon is in the pic among the tree branches?

No matter how dark the night is, when the light is visible, it shines the brightest. Ever see the stars during the day? No. It's only at night. Look for the smallest glimmer of light in the night. Yes I rhymed. lol Seriously, find the Light within you and you will shine, even in the worst of times. (May I remember that too...)
The sun did rise and so did Jesus on that first Easter morning. The dawn will come for you as well. In the meantime, when it's midnight, look for the moon and the stars. Those glimmers of light are better seen the darker it is. The next time midnight and our the storm barrels at me, I will hopefully remember the words shared here. It's coming.....

We may feel like a single grain of sand inside this giant planet but each grain of sand put together, can make something beautiful out of glass when melted together.

"You don't always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens."  ~ Mandy Halce ~


My storm today: Didn't find what I wanted to for my son. I'll have to buy online what the speech therapist suggested...
My rainbow: Time with my family.

Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~

Sunset

This is tonight's sunset from my driveway. All of the clouds and we are supposed to get more rain. I got more pics than just this one tonight. About ten minutes earlier I was out getting a few and it was sprinkling rain. I asked God for a rainbow to see. I turned around and saw a really faint one. I then asked if He could make it more brilliant so I knew my camera would get it. I felt in my heart to get what pics I could and just to wait. So I did.

When I got back inside, I did an auto correct on my photo software and got this pic. Original first.

See the difference?

The lesson I got out of this first of all is to trust beyond what I can see.... So hard.... The other thought I had is the lens we see with vs the lens the camera sees with. What am I saying? How does the world view our special gems versus how we and our close ones view our children? The world too often doesn't see beyond the face, an ability or lack of, the wheelchair, etc. Yet we are the first ones to see beyond that. Bias? Perhaps it is. However the way I see it, we have to find the beauty in the storms in life, in our children, in others before those around us will. We have to find the beauty in the sunset as night sets in. Even in the night we can find beauty, if we are looking for it. God has beauty in everything, we just have to find it, even among the storms.

Just something to think on.

~ Special Momma ~

Still

Still

Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
Within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still and
know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Yesterday my son had his PT and speech evals. He has low muscle tone but doesn't qualify for physical, barely. Speech he definitely did..... Eating issues, I had to totally find a way to get him to work on chewing and moving food. He doesn't try to chew anything, he swallows whole. Meaning puree and jarred food is it. Yeah.... He's 11 months old. Today I got the more detailed results. Between the receptive and expressive, he's at six months. One side was four months, the other was at seven. Doesn't sound like much but that's alot......

So today, as crazy as it's been the last few days, I have to be still and trust God..... Trust His plan and His ways. There really is no other way.....

My faith, patience and will is tested but with God, I will prevail! Remember that in your storm.

My storm today: News on the speech results
My rainbow today: I got to hang out with a friend for a little while today.

Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~

Prints

Pawprints. This one was by the mailboxes on our street. We had lots and lots of rain recently so therefore lots of mud... I saw this checking my mail today and wondered who's dog it was. Then I was thinking that from the print, obviously it was a dog, and by the print it left, I knew that. So, the footprints that you leave behind, what story do they tell? I figured this one was a stray or a dog being walked while the owner checked their mail.

So everyday that you walk, what prints are you leaving behind? What story are you leaving behind? I was at McDonald's today and I was chatting with another parent in there. Simple chatting about ringtones and technology but also about old video games we used to play as kids. He obviously left a print behind because I remember the conversation. Minor compared to many things yes, however what you say and do leaves a print.

I have been told many negative things regarding my children and 'what's wrong with them' but so much more good. Yet one bad mark is often harder to erase then the good. Just how our brains work.

Something to think about, what print are you leaving for others behind you? What are you doing today that will impact someone else? All of us in the play area got laughs today at my eight year old being silly to 'bad to the bone' ringtone. Yeah, I set that for when my husband calls. She left a print today. Big or small, we all leave prints. Paying it forward at Sonic, all the way to seeing an emergency situation and helping out. Even bigger when it comes to sharing the faith. We leave our mark all around. Often we don't see it but those around us do. We leave anything from microscopic prints all the way up to T-Rex sized prints, if not bigger. The size isn't often seen by us as much as it is those around us. One person may see small prints but the next one in the same moment as the one who sees small, may see huge prints. Perspectives make a difference but what you do makes it even more.

What kind of mark will you leave? Where will you leave your footprints?

My storm today: BUSY!!
My rainbow today: Fun being silly with my kids. :)

What's yours?

Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~

Mother's Day

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. 

She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never. 

A mother is something absolutely new. 

~ Rajneesh ~

Today my post is late. It's almost bedtime and I'm just now getting to this.... Today is Mother's Day. Many celebrate this day but many grieve on this day as well. Many different reasons..... Yet all of us at one time or another have been either a mother or touched by one who is a biological, surrogate or even a friend we see as a mother to us.

I am a blessed momma no matter how crazy the journey can get. God choose my children for ME and my husband to raise. Special needs or not, God choose them. I have NO regrets!

There is a line from a movie that says, "No fate but what we make." Sometimes things in life happen that we can't control but we can control how we act. Ever seen the movie Mom's Night Out? It's one of my favorites! Yet in there, us mommas ultimately decide how we will act to things around us. We claim victory and we also fail.

Moms, never give up. No matter how bad a day is, wake up the next morning and start fresh. Your children will see that and admire you for it, even if you nor they see it now. Stand strong and be the mother your children need and that God choose you for. No matter what, you will also never forget the day your children were born, wether you got to hold them or not, the day they enter this world you will never forget. April 1st was my daughter, March 19th was the day I learned of my miscarriage, June 13th was the day my son was born. Those are all days forever etched into my memory along with many more. Just as we don't forget, God doesn't forget either. We are God's children as well, no matter where we are in our walk and in our faith. We just need to remember to seek Him just like we seek out our children and they us.


My storm today: I'm tired and we did have a tornado warning during church. My tablet sounded that alarm during prayer this morning!!
My rainbow: Today was a good day honestly. I am blessed to have my husband and my children. All three of them even if only two of them are with me.

What's yours?

Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~

Storms and Rainbows

"There's very few things in this world as terrifying as looking into the entity known as the tornado ... I can try to convey to you the fear, my fear .... Grabbing my son to my chest as I'm praying I have all his meds and bottles, frantically reaching for my daughter's  hand..... Begging her to hold tight to her brother in back seat of my Jeep during our mad dash to our good friends and neighbors storm shelter..... Climbing down into the shelter, down steep stairs into a dark hole..... Hearing the roar of the 185 mph wind sheer as the tornado slams into our area..... then the eerie silence as we enter the eye of the storm, no sounds at all.... no birds, no wind, no insects.... All of a sudden, a terrifying sound, like that of a freight train comes barreling toward you... And then you blink, the rain is now softly falling and through what's left of the tree tops you see a rainbow....Congratulations you've just been witness to The majestic power of Mother Nature in all her beautiful fury..."
~ Celeste Seidenfus ~

She has survived many storms, both literally and in her life. She's a dear mom in my life who has helped me through my journey with my two gems, just like she has two gems. She has seen and heard more then many.... Yet when my son was born with craniofacial too, she reminded me that just because both of my kids share the primary diagnosis like her two share theirs, it doesn't mean my son's journey would be the same... So true.... My son's first MRI confirmed it.....


As hard as it can be, no matter how bad it gets, there is hope at the end of it. There really is..... It's hard to see sometimes.

Crazy how some scenes in movies will bring memories of the past in. There is so little that so many really know about me. I truly am a survivor and in my 30+ years, I have probably seen and lived through more then most of you.
Each of us have lived through a level of 'hell' at one time or another. The question is, will we help each other through it after we have already walked it ourselves, usually alone. God is always with us but even sometimes at the darkest most painful times we have to ask ourselves, will we draw nearer to God or will we rebel and pull away? Will we go through the storms and see the rainbow at the end or will we only see the storm?

Something to think about...

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you."


Blessings!

~ Special Momma ~

The Forest

This was something I wrote back in September 2013. It was a really hard point in this journey. We were getting nowhere with my daughter's doctors nor insurance. This pic was taken in the winter of 2013.

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The Forest

You are totally lost in the dark when you embark on the journey. You have no source of light from anything except perhaps the moon high in the sky but some nights you don't even have that. Some nights are worse and the rain just won't stop! You don't know which night will be like what. The journey started that first night with you being told that you have no choice but to wander in these woods. Your goal is to find the 'cure, fix, help, etc.' that you know you need to find and bring back. However just before you start to protest this, you get told worse. "You can only go alone to start. You must find your own food and water in these woods. You must find your own shelter and a way to make light in your journey. But watch out for the poisonous food." "Well, which is that?" "You just have to find out for yourself!" So there you go with nothing to work with and you have no choice but to push on. Finally when dawn comes, you have been going for what seems like forever. You are hungry and you are thirsty. As the day brightens up the forest you are in, you begin to think that you just might get this. You finally find someone else walking this and they help you out some in where nourishment is, however they can't help much in avoiding what is poisonous. Soon after you are walking alone again. The food you now have been filled with helps you keep your strength up for the journey however soon you will have to find more. The day pushes on and soon you know you have to do something about nightfall and where you will stop for the night. You have no idea how to make shelter so that second night you sleep under a nearby tree and just hope nothing 'eats' you. Now, as the days and nights continue, you slowly begin to learn how to navigate this. The forks in the road you know which ones to take sometimes and others you just guess. You are still lost in this forest but you soon learn how to care for yourself and how to make shelter. Though you can't help but think about where the other paths would lead sometimes. You know though you can't stay there. Over time you learn how to stay away from the poisonous stuff most of the time. Not without dealing with some of it first of course. Unfortunately you never know how each night will be nor do you know when the storms will ravage the forest you are traveling in. You don't find many people on the same path as you even though you know in your heart, there are many in this forest of the unknowns. Even less are the ones who are able and or willing to help you out. Most of this journey is gone through daily alone, and through your faith in God. The biggest threats in this forest are the poisonous people who feed you a variety of things. Lies, deceit, hate, intolerance, ignorance, etc. The dark nights when there is no moon to light your way when you really fear for what is and is not out there along with the unknowns. And of course the storms because you never know what will be a result of those storms. The one within your own mind you really have to battle the most is the envy, guilt/regrets and the feelings of being unloved. It is so easy when you walk a journey alone in this deep, dark forest to let your mind wander to that. Yes, you know during the day the sun is up but it's not often you can see the rays of sun through the trees, nor the moon at night. Both provide just enough light though to get through. It's the nights that there is no light at all that is the hardest beyond the storms. It is those nights you feel alone the most. The nights when you lay there and think about those 'lucky' ones on the outside living their life in their own utopia with nothing to keep them up at night. They don't walk alone, they can do what they want how they want. Yet it is those nights that I lie there in this journey and the battle of the mind continues. You know that the world will keep on going the next day. Time does not stop. Yet sometimes you oftentimes wish that others outside this forest would see what you do, you keep on reminding yourself that they can't see the flowers that you do. They can't see the hints of rainbows that the storms leave behind even when you are soaking wet from them. Yet sometimes, just sometimes you wish you could drag them in there with you so they can see what all you see then perhaps they would at least try to understand your journey or at least they would not judge it.

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"Fear can sometimes creep into my heart and steal my focus away from having faith. I'm learning the first step to stop fear is to acknowledge it. Then overpower fear with prayer and God's Truth." ~ Lysa TerKeurst ~

That's the best thing to remember on the dark days.... When you go through periods of time where you feel alone, depressed, in the dark, drowning in the storm(s) God is with you no matter what. Even if you don't feel it at the time.




My storm: This post didn't want to align right so today it's all centered. lol
My rainbow: Time with my family.

Hang in there....

~ Special Momma ~

Oak Tree

Today's will be short and sweet but right to the point.

The strongest oak of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It's the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun.
~Napoleon Hill~

The Oak Treeby Johnny Ray Ryder Jr
A mighty wind blew night and day
It stole the oak tree's leaves away
Then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark
Until the oak was tired and stark
But still the oak tree held its ground
While other trees fell all around
The weary wind gave up and spoke.
How can you still be standing Oak?The oak tree said, I know that you
Can break each branch of mine in two
Carry every leaf away
Shake my limbs, and make me sway
But I have roots stretched in the earth
Growing stronger since my birth
You'll never touch them, for you see
They are the deepest part of me
Until today, I wasn't sure
Of just how much I could endure
But now I've found, with thanks to you
I'm stronger than I ever knew.

Every trial we face in life can either become a point of total implosion and bitterness or a time of stretching and growth. It's all in what we choose to do with it.
Barb Ditt

"When tragedy or challenges come our way, we can be knocked off our feet. We often struggle with anger, denial, grief, resentment, & depression. We fear for the future wondering what will happen. What good can God bring from these difficulties and pain? In those moments we have a choice. We can choose the path that allows our emotions to take over & leads to resentment & bitterness. Or we can choose the less-expected path of allowing ourselves to be transformed by God. We can choose to let Him work in us to do His will. When others see an out-of-the-ordinary response to crisis & challenges in life, they sit up & take notice. You can come out on the other side--stronger & more dependent on God. He doesn't want those situations to be what destroy you or define you. It's your choice...what will it be?"
~Unknown~

Think about that today.

My storm: My son was cranky off and on all day...
My rainbow: Finally replaced my piece of junk phone....


Blessings! 
~ Special Momma ~

Wasted but rising above

Please read this post as you never know who you might come across.. http://youtu.be/QzX1RV0WugU

Explicit lyrics....

Heard a song I had not heard in a while. It's called Waste. Brought on many thoughts. I heard the edited version though I have heard the unedited before too.

"But these words, they can't replace, the life you waste."

The song is about suicide. Aaron Lewis years ago was approached by a kid's mother about her son having committed suicide. She wanted to know why. The lyrics ask the question of how one can see that as the only option left.

Suicide. Some call that selfish for one to commit. Others call the deceased a coward. Others blame the family. Don't judge till you have been there. I was there. I was one who wanted to kill myself. I was 12. I still remember the times I would cut myself or jab myself with pins or sewing needles.... The darkest time was the spring of 1994 when I really did want to die. I wondered why was I ever born, why really nobody loved me (how I felt) and I didn't see a reason to keep on living. I had seen way too much and was a victim of way too much to feel worthy of anything. I remember praying at night a few times for God to just take me. School was awful other then when I started band in the fall of '93. Band was the only joy I had at all in my life. Brutal but honest. From the time I was eight till I was 15, I was in and out of group homes and placements. Various reasons. I learned over time to not trust, to turn everything inward. That is when the depression began. I had not healed from past issues, I was alone and I was rejected by almost everyone at school and everywhere else. May of 1994 is when I really wanted to die.....

Those who commit suicide, see no other way.... The pain runs too deep. They feel unloved, uncared for, abused, hated, etc. They feel that the world is better without them. They feel that suicide is the only answer to forget the pain.... Others turn to drugs, sex or alcohol but eventually they all hit rock bottom. Many eventually come to this....

Our job is to reach out, not judge. Our job is to show love and patience. Not all of us will succeed but even if one of us does, then we did our job and saved at least one life. I do know in the past by sharing my story and how I got out of that darkness has saved at least one from killing herself...

Today I listened to a song by Martina McBride called, Concrete Angel. It's about child abuse.

"A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot

Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place
Where she's loved concrete angel"

So no matter what you face in life, know you can rise above. No matter what 'hell' you live in or have lived in, you can rise above. God can heal the hardest, most broken heart. If He can heal me of my past, He can heal you. God has not forgotten you, even if it feels that way.... Someone, somewhere prays for people like us. People who have died from abuse and or suicide, people suffering and those who have survived. Never forget that.

I survived and so can you. Had I killed myself when I was 12, I would have not been around for so much. My mother would not have grandchildren, her only child would be dead.... I would have never gotten to experience true healing and freedom from my past. I would not have accepted Christ yet (I was 14), My name would be forever on a gravestone and the world would have forgotten about me too and so much more.

Don't think about the present circumstances as if that is what your life will always be. It won't. It takes work to heal but you can. And you will. Rise above. Spread your wings and fly. Fly dear one, to the path of healing.

My storm: Long day tomorrow.....
My rainbow: Knowing that by sharing my story I have helped to heal others as I hope this post helps someone start healing as well.

What's yours?


I'm likely not going to be able to post tomorrow. Besides, I want a day to let this post reach out to more people who might need it.... If you know a victim of abuse, suicide, pain or their families, you are more then welcome to share this post with someone who you think it will help.
 
Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~

Flowers vs Weeds

VS

Looking at the two, which looks more appealing? The rose right? Even I would prefer roses over what people would perceive as weeds. Weeds grow rampant and take over quickly where they are growing. Before long it looks like this.

You can't see any 'normal' grass in that right? Most people see weeds as pests and as something to get rid of either by pulling or spraying. Yet think about it, weeds are survivors.They really are. They can grow almost anywhere and any place. They grow despite anything around them.



Let's look at dandelions and the white clover flowers. Most see those as weeds yet what is the first thing kids pick for their momma? Those right? What we see as weeds, kids see as beauty. The part kids love the best is finding the dandelion after it's bloomed and it's a ball of seeds. I know of no child who doesn't search for those to blow on. With their love for what we perceive as weeds, new seeds are planted and life for more of the precious weeds they enjoy begins. 



Maybe we need to see the world around us more like innocent, sweet children instead of through our war weary eyes that has seen too much over the years. We have to make ourselves see the world the way our sweet children do. The beauty within it. The rainbow within the storm. The roses beyond the thorns that bring pain. God doesn't see us as a weed even if the world sometimes does. God sees beyond that. He sees how a child would see that weed. For it's beauty. God is a graceful and merciful God who has a way for salvation to turn you from a 'weed' to the most beautiful flower in the world.

Think on that.

My storm today: Waiting.... And also frustration with appointments...
My rainbow today: It's a gorgeous day outside!

What's yours?

~ Special Momma ~