Cobwebs

GROSS! Cobwebs are annoying yet often you don't see them unless light is shown on them. Then they are EVERYWHERE!! (That's not my attic) That was my wall but I won't tell you how bad under and behind the couch was..... ICK!

 

When I was 10, Dorthy who worked at my school gave me this.

I had so much hate in my heart even at age 10. So much anger, sadness and bitterness at 10. I wanted revenge on those who hurt me. Especially my father..... That had not peaked yet though.

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When I was 12, almost 13 and spent two visits nearly back to back in a hospital psych ward, these four were all I had. That was the lowest point in my life.... I wanted to live no more. The flame had died, I had nothing left. I was empty and bitter cold..... I truly wanted to die and I knew at that time in my heart that I would not be missed nor would I be a burden on anyone ever again.... 

       

Some may truly wish I was silent more often. That I would just shut up, be quiet, go with the crowd. Some may wish I would just be gone. Some may wish I wasn't so outspoken or opinionated at times. Yet if you knew where I came from, you along with most adults who were around me when I was growing up, would have said I would have never made it. I was told I would never be independent. I was told I would always be in an institution. I was even told that I would amount to nothing way more times then I was encouraged ever growing up. I was silenced as a child, told to shut up often, told that I was always a liar even when I knew I was telling the truth. I survived more in the first 18 years of my life then most ever would. I was in and out of institutions of sorts between 8-15 years old. With some of the abuse I endured, I really shouldn't be here at all. Yet here I am. And if anyone thinks they will bring me down now, you have one heck of a fight ahead because I fight back. I will never go back. When I was 12 I attempted suicide twice. Never going back. Had I not accepted Christ when I was 14, I would be in one of three places now. Dead, prison/mental ward or in my own personal hell. No I'm not perfect. I'm not where I want to be. I have backslid sometimes and also leaped forward before too. I will not be where I want to be till I'm in heaven. Till then, I'm a work in progress. You know what? I'll never be silenced. Never again. This is who I am. I am a survivor. That's always been my attitude.... Since I was 13, that has been.  


Recently, I was going over the James study lessons.....


From Beth Moore's James study week 4, day four.
"You can be rescued by God from your Egypt and still be filled to the brim with bitterness. I certainly was. Research suggests plausible reason like mineral content to explain why that body of water in Exodus 15 was brackish and undrinkable. Likewise, plausible reasons suggest why people like us get bitter. All of us have been hurt and offended, misled and misused. Who in the world could blame us? We can find plenty of people who'll give us permission to keep that whirlpool of bitterness churned up within us, but we can only find One who can plunge beneath those waters and make them sweet. He alone can fill us through and through with the new wine of His spirit and purify all the murkiness until it's as clear as a crystal sea.
If you're like me, sometimes you don't even realize you still have some of that old bitterness inside of you until something foul springs like a fountain from your mouth. Jesus pinpointed the source in Matthew 12:34 "The mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart."
Maybe it's time for a fresh work of Jesus right there in the wellspring of our hearts. Right there where the offense hit. Right there where the loss hit. Right there where the betrayal hit. Right there where the abuse hit. Right there, Child. He is the Lord your Healer."

I have often felt alone and isolated in a world where I have felt like I don't belong in this community. As much as I fight it, it has grown some and not for the better. People say they care for me and my kids yet I have always found it hard to trust that. It's nothing personal, just how I have always been. I have been burned way too much to really trust anyone right off. I have to 'test' them first. Test the waters so to speak. Most people when they say they care for us and or have been praying, I honestly take it superficially. Not because of them but because of the past, I have had to be hardened enough to not take anything anyone says to me like that as truth. Again, nothing personal. Yet even here when the storms rolled in and the sky's got dark, many ran who said they would be there. Normal fact of life but it has only made it harder to trust. Many of us aren't bitter, we are broken. Broken from years of lies, backstabbing and outright hate. That comes out as bitterness....  

Years of broken promises, false love, false security. Years of being told by others that they are your friend and there for you and yet it's all a lie. We are broken, not bitter. We are promised that we could have a mentor, friend or someone like that, yet when times get tough and they start to see the ugly in you that every single one of us have, they back away. When you are real, they run. When we are fake, they stay, maybe.... 

They see all of you and they run. You rarely hear from them if at all.... 

They all say you are irreplaceable yet it's in the storms, in the dark, you are replaced because nobody wants to deal with it with you. 


It is then that you realize you really are alone...... Yet we are not because God is with us, even if we can't feel it..... Sometimes it's all but impossible to see that. Sometimes....

It's hard to feel God's love when you don't feel loved by most around you. It's hard to feel like we matter to anyone when they don't value us. It is hard to see ourselves when the world sees us as a broken reflection. It is hard to see the love in this world when our eyes have been shattered too many times that we can't see it any other way. 

It's so much easier to feel accepted and loved in a place where you know others are on the journey with you, like when I'm in Dallas or at Celebrate Recovery, yet it's also easier there to really share the journey, step out on faith that you will be accepted because you know those around you are where you are. At home it's not that simple. Sometimes even at church it isn't. Sometimes the biggest judgment or isolation comes from those who claim to be like Christ. Yet even Christ went out to those who nobody wanted anything to do with, not even the Pharisees. Yet over time, I'm having to learn that there are more like me out there then I thought. I just have to honest to God open my eyes and heart to see that. I have to step out on faith that I am not the only one here who is facing this journey that only a select few walk. Yet my children are my gems. I look forward to watching them shine. The storms and trials will only polish them and allow them to shine brighter, even if there isn't much light sometimes. That is what I pray for.
You feeling like this? Maybe it's time to say goodbye to many who say they will stand with you no matter what and have proven otherwise. God is ultimately the only one who will be there till the end anyway..... Truthfully, that's what makes it so hard to let God have control over things, because so much is out of control, or at least the pieces we see are. That's what hurts though, even those that hurt you intentionally or not, at least are people around you. When you lose them, then it is when you see that you are standing alone... Maybe it's time to see that even those you thought would stand with you, weather the storm with you, truly have fled. Deep down, you knew in your heart they would anyway..... Because it always happens, it always has been just that. Your life. You learned early on that broken promises is what life is. 

The world is a sea of faces, so many lost into their own lives that they forget anyone is around.

What dreams may come

That's what creates a cold, lonely world. A world without God is just that.

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Yet feeling bitter at times has been an on/of struggle for decades for me.... I'm surrounded by people, other times I'm by myself, but almost always feeling alone. In my own world. The elephant in the room, lost in a sea of faces where nobody notices those around them.
I have struggled with bitterness and frustration in recent weeks,... I admit it... My heart was getting to the point of just saying "screw the world and I'm just tired of dealing with everyone because it's not like they want anything to do with me anyway!" thinking. I have thought sometimes in the past that the colder I have my heart, the less pain and disappointment I'll face. 

Ice cold, that's what I figure. Not that I won't care but that I'll be numb to the bad around me. I'll take care of my household and to heck with everyone else because I'm just used by them anyway. Empty promises is all they are. That's where I got.

That's where I was when I read these words from Beth Moore. 

"You can be rescued by God from your Egypt and still be filled to the brim with bitterness. I certainly was. Research suggests plausible reason like mineral content to explain why that body of water in Exodus 15 was brackish and undrinkable. Likewise, plausible reasons suggest why people like us get bitter. All of us have been hurt and offended, misled and misused. Who in the world could blame us? We can find plenty of people who'll give us permission to keep that whirlpool of bitterness churned up within us, but we can only find One who can plunge beneath those waters and make them sweet. He alone can fill us through and through with the new wine of His spirit and purify all the murkiness until it's as clear as a crystal sea.
If you're like me, sometimes you don't even realize you still have some of that old bitterness inside of you until something foul springs like a fountain from your mouth. Jesus pinpointed the source in Matthew 12:34 "The mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart."
Maybe it's time for a fresh work of Jesus right there in the wellspring of our hearts. Right there where the offense hit. Right there where the loss hit. Right there where the betrayal hit. Right there where the abuse hit. Right there, Child. He is the Lord your Healer."

I was vacuuming the next day and saw cobwebs. Gross!

Then I could sense God whispering to me that "Only when the light is shown, shining right on the cobwebs can they be seen. Think of my vacuuming the house, and the light on that revealing webs, that the Light that Jesus IS is the only light that will reveal the cobwebs of bitterness, brokenness, sadness, anger, etc in your own heart and that like the vacuum, I alone can take those away."

Glass once broken shatters. Even if you put every piece back together in it's proper places, it doesn't look the same. It's been broken. Yet sometimes in that brokenness, beauty can be found in the most unlikely places. Think of a glass mosaic. All pieces of broken glass intended likely for something else. Yet put together with glue, plaster, etc. to make the most interesting creation. Yet God comes to me in my brokenness and says, "I am here." My pieces, all laid out, broken, shattered, jagged, piercing, bleeding, wounded, and even though I am alone in a dark, lonely world, God is taking the glue and trying to make me into what He wants of me. Even Jesus prayed in the dark, afraid.....

Feel free...... There are days that we feel trapped but we truly are free, if we allow ourselves to be. In the end, nobody's opinion matters but God's. Even if the pain that others inflict on us created us to be broken, not bitter. Maybe it is time to release ourselves from those who make us feel broken. If they won't change, then we must be the ones to make the change happen.  Don't become bitter as this leads to hate and apathy. Let the cobwebs get cleaned out. Let the broken pieces be glued together to make something even better than the original.

The question is, are we going to live life as if this life is truly hell or are we going to try to make the best of it? As bruised, hurt and broken as I am some days, all I can do is pick myself back up and keep walking. No matter how dark or light it is. 

“People grow when they are loved well. If you want to help others heal, love them without an agenda.”

— Mike McHargue"

Jesus did. All Jesus asked was for those he saw to follow Him. Nothing more. Shouldn't we? 

Just knowing who Jesus is isn't enough. Even the demons and the devil know who Jesus is. Will you have the salvation though? Quality of faith is what counts. 


~ Special Momma ~
 

Mourning and Anger

I am sad for our country.... I mourn for where we are, for what we have become but I'm also pissed..... (If you are more upset over the word 'pissed' than what I'm about to say, then be quiet till you read all of this.)

Our country needs to get on it's knees and pray....

What happened to the America I was born and raised in? Where I was taught respect and manners first off? What happened to butt whippin for back talking? What happened to soap in the mouth for being disrespectful? Flag burning in my eyes is treason! That's what's wrong with my generation and younger. We are still big crybabies on both political parties. By the way, I'm not even 35 yet so don't think I'm an "old" generation yet!

Who I voted for is nobody's business because for one, I wasn't a fan of either major candidate, for two, my single vote wouldn't have changed the numbers in this state to change anything now and for 3, no matter who it was, there is no excuse for this behavior this country has now!

All of you upset and worse, violently protesting (riots, burning, looting, destroying/damaging property) today or any other day, remember who gave you freedom to start with! Millions of souls buried at cemeteries all across the country, entombed not just at cemeteries but at the bottom of the ocean, on foreign lands, and some just never found because they were incinerated. I'm not going to mince my words. I am a daughter and granddaughter of veterans. I will NOT mince my words just to be politically correct!

It is a civic duty for me to at least play with our community band on every Veterans Day and Memorial Day. This is a pic of our National Cemetery. 

And THIS is why.

Our veterans did NOT serve for the pansy this country is today! They did NOT serve to watch this country become what it has. A bunch of crybaby filled pansies who can't even remember half of what they were taught in school because many schools and even colleges these days cater to every single hurt feeling with a can of play-doh and therapy dogs! They did not serve to see people going out there will hate in their hearts just because someone is living differently or looks differently than you.


We didn't get classes in any grade of school or college or even tests cancelled on 9/11 or the days after..... I still had to be at work and also show up the next day.... Just something to think about in comparison to what is happening now.
 I'm going to share something that I read from here. Think on it.


"The word uneducated has been thrown around a lot over the past couple of days. It’s one of those words that can’t really be used in a nice way. We don’t say that children are uneducated. We just say that they’re in the process of getting their education. Usually, when we use the word uneducated, we’re trying to find a nice way to call people dumb. The only problem is that it’s not too nice. And it’s, well, an uneducated thing to say.

A while back I was driving my 1990-something automobile down a busy road at night when smoke suddenly started coming out from under the hood. I jumped out at a red light and tried to correct the issue. About a mile down the road, my 1990-something automobile reminded me that I don’t know anything about cars. The smoke got worse but I managed to guide the dying automobile into a church parking lot.

I got out and said a prayer.

And then I made a phone call.

The guys who came to help me don’t carry any initials after their names. They’ve never been asked to write a book about anything. They’ll probably never give a commencement address. I, on the other hand, have spent a lot of years in school. When I finish my current degree I will have spent almost as much time in school after high school graduation as I did before.

But standing next to that dead car of mine, guess who the uneducated one was.

Some of the most brilliant people I know have never been to college. Have you ever watched a carpenter work? A good one is one half Michelangelo and one half Mike Rowe. He’s an artist with dirt under his fingernails and blisters on his hands and drive in his heart. And he’s far from uneducated.

There are many times in my life when I don’t know what my next step should be. When I find myself in that situation, I don’t go looking for the guy with the most degrees. I go looking for the guy with the most wisdom. The two are not the same. Typically, the guy with the most wisdom has more gray hairs and wrinkles than he does degrees.

A while back someone asked me if it was a requirement for a pastor to go to seminary. For me, it was. I needed the discipline and rigor. But that’s not the case for all ministry leaders. Some of the best ones I know have educated themselves through interaction with other wise leaders and reading a lot. On the other hand, there are those pastors who can’t keep track of all of their degrees but who also couldn’t recognize the Holy Spirit from a graduation robe.

This is not to say that degrees and higher education do not matter. They do. If you’re getting surgery, you want the guy holding the scalpel to have tons and tons of initials after his name. A good, formal education is a necessity for some. But not for all.

We have to remember that we’re all different. We have different roles. And those different roles don’t make some better than others. Society needs doctors and carpenters. The best example for us is the Trinity where we see one God made up of three distinct yet equal persons. The Holy Spirit is no more or less God because he’s not the one who died on the cross.

No matter who came out on top in the election, I knew I wouldn’t be happy about the winner. I can’t remember the last time that I was happy with the outcome of an election. Maybe one day I will be. But I’ve never called in sick to work or asked for the day off from classes because I needed to cope with the bad news. There are a lot of highly educated people who did just that this week. I know a mechanic, a guy who some in our media would refer to as uneducated, who wasn’t too thrilled with this week’s election results either. But he went to work the next day.

It goes to show, there’s a difference between being uneducated and miseducated."

Liberal America and really ALL sides need to just shut up and quit looking down on those who are not in their mold of "ideal" jobs. Someone has to do it! Even your millionare has to call a plumber or a mechanic sometime. And how about electricians? They are not white collar workers either but they are the reason why you have ANY power in this country. What about oil rig workers? They are filthy and dirty on the job yet THEY are the ones who provide gasoline and so much more. Wanna keep looking down on them, telling your children "Don't be like that because you will be dirt poor." Take that rhetoric and wipe your butt with it.

Oh I'm sorry, did I hurt your feelings and offend you with what I said? TOO BAD because I'm just getting started.....

Now you want to get onto the topic of uneducated? How about kids these days going to school? A bunch of crybaby filled pansies who can't even remember half of what they were taught in school because many schools and even colleges these days cater to every single hurt feeling with a can of play-doh and therapy dogs! We didn't get participation awards and a "woe is me" mentality when I was in school. You either won or you did not. Grow up! Do not expect schools to be your nanny! Learn a thing called, self-reliance!

Did Lincoln just sit on his butt and expect everything done for him? Did George Washington? Did Martin Luther King? Did Rosa Parks? Did Moses? Did King David? Did Esther? Did all of our service men and women who have served in the Armed Forces or as LEO's do that? NO! They all stood for something. Quit expecting everyone to hand everything to you just because you exist. That's not how it works.

The following I have shared on Facebook and you are more than welcome to share if you wish. 

I don't remember behavior like this when Bill Clinton got elected twice, when Bush got in twice, or even when Obama did twice! What gives now? 
https://twitter.com/BillFOX46/status/796567127364894721

All of the "safe spaces" "emergency counseling" "therapy dogs" "play-doh" being provided for those who are crying foul over Trump winning shows the decline in our country. I have never seen an election result be so sour after it is done. Riots, looting, burning, is NOT peaceful protesting. Go ahead and march, Even MLK did that but he did NOT support the violence, burning and looting with it. We used to have 18 year olds willing to fight for our country in Normandy. Now many of them are whining liberals crying foul because of how our election process works and there are even some going onto social media saying that we need to kill Trump.
When Obama won twice, there were no riots, burning and looting or any of that.

So what makes us all think that all of this drama is okay now?
I just pray that since we are the Divided States that maybe soon we can go back to being the UNITED STATES.....

"Maybe America is a little too scared and a little too easily offended.
Quit being scared, crying around, offended by everything.. step up and do your part as an American, no, as a friggin human being. Treat others with respect, help and encourage one another, raise your kids right, be a contributing member of society. Make sure your hands are clean, that's your job. Burning the American flag? Get out of here with that crap, how about you do your job to make it a better place.
But right now, all I see is hate. It's disturbing, and the ones with the most hate are being exactly what they claim to be against."

My generation and younger need to grow up and move on without acting like crybabies, thugs and toddlers..... if you don't vote, you have no right to whine. Even then whining will get you nowhere. Acting like an adult, being mature and responsible will.

When Obama was elected, a lot of conservatives were very upset. A few posted stupid things but nothing like we see now. There were a LOT of posts telling conservatives to get over it, to accept it, that this was the way the American election system worked and to be thankful they had a voice but accept that the other voice was stronger. Those exact same people on my timeline and other news outlet pages are now posting about petitions, protests, and refusals to accept what the American people decided. Maybe they should go back 8 years and read their own posts...

As shared from a friend: 
"So now everywhere I turn I'm hearing on CBS, CNN, the New York Times and other left leaning so called news organizations are writing articles stating that the presidential race isn't over yet because the electoral votes aren't to be cast by the electors until December 19th. Technically there are only 29 states where the electors are bound to vote according to their states overall vote. And of those Trump only has 13 with 133 electoral votes. So now it makes sense as to why we are seeing all of these protests. They are trying to sway these electors to change their votes. One of the electors from Texas has already told a newspaper that he isn't voting for Trump. On January 6th the congress will have a joint session to tally the votes. They congress can overturn any electoral votes that does not line up with the states overall votes, and with the Republican Party controlling both houses of congress they will. So why is the news outlets fueling the fire??? FOR RATINGS!!! FOR SALES!!! They are using you!!!! They don't care about us as a people. This election cycle was the highest money generating election in modern history for the news outlets! We are being played for fools America! All of us! We have to be smarter. Most of those who are in the streets never heard of the electoral votes before this election. Most have no idea how it works or why we have it. (There is a petition on change.org to abolish the electoral process.) So when the media is telling those who believe Hilary should be president that she can still win.... they believe it.... and they will be that much more angry when January comes and Trump steps into the White House. The media is causing more division for ratings, the are causing more hatred and anger to spew for money from their sponsors who are buying tv ads at high prices because they know that we are going to tune in to see people shutting down highways and people being arrested. We have to stop allowing them to manipulate us! We need to come together as a nation and move forward in together."

God help this country....... 

What my generation and younger needs is a good butt whippin, lessons in civics, economics and government. Maybe then, MAYBE they will see how things are supposed to be. This behavior is out of control..... 
Quit preaching and demanding love and tolerance then doing the exact opposite.
All of this violence and threats via social media to assassinate Trump, is that really what we want to teach is okay? Love trumps hate, that's what liberals say yet are doing the polar opposite. How is that better than Trump and his behavior?
I don't care if you are conservative or liberal, THIS IS NOT OKAY!

In the meantime, chew on these.

. The electoral college explained and why it's still used today. http://thefederalist.com/2016/09/16/the-electoral-college-still-makes-sense-because-were-not-a-democracy/ 

. One of the best lines was this: "journalists have a shamefully limited understanding of the country we cover."
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/commentary-the-unbearable-smugness-of-the-press-presidential-election-2016/?ftag=CNM-00-10aab6a&linkId=31005723 

. A liberal wrote this and I agree with the article..... 
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/nov/09/donald-trump-white-house-hillary-clinton-liberals 

. https://www.facebook.com/jenesis.carson/posts/10210363659543704


I got told that this is because people are scared. Scared doesn't mean you go act a fool destroying everything in sight just because you are pissed that you didn't get your way! We live in scary times, no matter which side you are on yet you don't honestly see the majority of the American population acting fools for it! Don't go waving signs that say "love trumps hate" and be rioting, looting and being violent at the same time. Hypocrites!!!

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All you people saying you are upset and offended at the elections, you fools have no idea what you actually have. You claim the 1% have it all and you whine because you don't. Wake up your pathetic selfish face and see that YOU ARE the 1%. See for yourself!

. If you made $1500 last year, you’re in the top 20% of the world’s income earners.

. If you have sufficient food, decent clothes, live in a house or apartment, and have a reasonably reliable means of transportation, you are among the top 15% of the world’s wealthy

. If you earn $25,000 or more annually, you are in the top 10% of the world’s income-earners

. If you have any money saved, a hobby that requires some equipment or supplies, a variety of clothes in your closet, two cars (in any condition), and live in your own home, you are in the top 5% of the world’s wealthy.

. If you earn more than $50,000 annually, you are in the top 1% of the world’s income earners

Still think you have it bad? LOOK!

 
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As one of my friends said, "People rioting and terrorizing whites and Trump supporters... People terrorizing other races on the flip side... This crap is ridiculous on both sides. The majority of each side, they're good and decent people. Then you have the group on each side that would rather remain hateful and violent. Stop it. You're ridiculous and no one with a decent brain supports you. And raise your kids better. America will never be great with you idiots running around acting like you're doing something. Stupidest crap I've ever seen in my life." I agree with her!!!! All of you nuts wanting the electoral college abolished need to remember that THIS is why it is still here. Other presidents got in with JUST the electoral college and you all didn't act fools then, so seriously, why this crap now? Why act like little raging pansies? You are all fools!


Don't blame it on "white-lash" either. PULEEZE!!! If it was that, you would have left Carson in. Don't you idiots see that both Trump and Clinton are white? Wow..... Did you forget that?

Quit getting offended by everything, get over the butt hurt. Get up and wipe yourself off just like everyone else has to. The world won't cater to you dear. WAH!!!! All you people going out there throwing a tantrum because elections didn't go your way, or on the flip side, those of you fools who think you just won and got your way now going out there and thinking you are God or something and can treat others like crap, just grow up and work to make this world better! Better yet, serve somewhere. I'm not saying it has to be military but instead of whining all day, do something! Make a difference in your community. Start there. Instead of destroying, looting and burning where you live, Instead of being a bully and treating others who are different and or even think different than you, instead decide YOU will make a positive difference to make this world a better place. How about working on abolishing the KKK, Black Panthers or other hate groups? Instead of feeding the anger and hate, do something about it!


I'm willing to wait and watch and give any elected POTUS a chance. Are you?

Now,

Do you really think the Republicans or the Democrats are here for you? They are not! They are all out for themselves and just say pretty words to get in. Then they all do whatever they want. There is a bigger agenda out there and we are not it. Look up George Soros. Yet all we can do is sit down here and gripe about who voted for who and beat the crap out of those who didn't vote the way you wanted. "But Trump/Clinton did this!" WE AS A NATION CREATED THIS FOR OURSELVES!! Think on that. We accepted that sex in movies and TV was okay. We accepted that racy clothing in public was okay, we accepted that disrespect and cussing out people is okay. We accepted that we are allowed to throw a tantrum when things don't go our way. WE CREATED THIS SOCIETY AND NOW WE WANT TO GRIPE ABOUT IT????? 

REALLY?????? YOU ALL ACCEPTED THIS! 

"No I did not accept this!" 

Reality check: Yes you did! Everybody has... You did when you bought all of the media, movies, TV shows, CD/MP3 albums. By buying all of that stuff, you said, "This is okay." and now generations are reaping the crop for it. It doesn't matter if it talks about rape, sex, drugs, cussing, gangs, shootings, etc.... We all taught ourselves that this was okay in society. Sex is the highest grossing "product" on the market today..... We are the biggest exporter of pornography.... I could go on but that's for another day. 

So then, can we really say that Trump or Clinton were "Horrible people for this or that," or "Bill / Melania are horrible for this or that" when we accepted all of that in the first place? I didn't vote for them in the primaries or anything! You all did! And if you didn't go out and vote, even in the primaries when you HAD your chance to vote out Trump or Clinton, then just shut up right here, right now because by NOT voting, you allowed them in too. 

Want proof? See this. https://vimeo.com/188409358 

Here illegally? Work on becoming a citizen before using government benefits, abide by USA laws, not Sharia law or anything else. OUR laws.  and respect those around you, even if they don't agree with you. Pull your weight here, don't be lazy, be a responsible adult. That's all I ask.

Do you really think that those who founded this country would be proud of where we ALL are now? Do you? They would all be rolling in their graves.... Even Martin Luther King would be..... I feel sorry for the country we are today because this is NOT what past generations fought for. We are the laughing stock of the world and we did all of it to ourselves....

This is not what the first African-American army regiment fought for. Go back and see the movie Glory. They were PROUD to fight. To fight beside the white men who were fighting for them. Dying by the thousands for freedom. Let's go to WWII. Pearl Harbor. Seen that movie? Thousands died in WWII and thousands more were left with physical and or emotional scars for life.... I've been told by a war veteran that the biggest thing they will never forget is the screaming of those around them dying and seeing fellow solders suffering that they have known for a long time yet can't do anything about it... Memories of war never fade.... Go watch Pearl Harbor, Glory and Saving Private Ryan then tell me you are fighting for something. 

22 veterans commit suicide every day. That does not count those still struggling with physical or emotional issues....
Have you truly reached out to a veteran today?

That's something almost everyone on all sides has forgotten. In all of the political whining over this or that on both sides, remember who fought for you. Your freedoms and rights you have today would not be here at all without them. Kapernick's right to sit for the anthem would not be here. Your opportunity to say whatever you want about whatever political party or establishment, you would not have. Your right to PEACEFULLY protest what is going on around the nation and the world, you would not have without those who have died for you to get those rights. 

You want change for the better? Than shut up about it and DO IT! Quit whining, quit being a pansy, quit expecting everyone else to cater to you and get up off your butt and help yourself and those around you! 

Republican, Democrat, Liberal, Conservative, Independent, House, Senate, POTUS, whatever, we all need to grow up and look around us. Treat others as you want treated. Quit screaming for peace, love and respect if YOU are not giving in return. Neither side has the right to take this country down!

Now, you voted these DC nuts in, if you don't like what they do, write to them, e-mail them, don't vote them back in but QUIT destroying the communities around you. You only make yourself look like an idiot for it. Martin Luther King didn't do that, nor did anyone else who made revolutionary change in this nation. 

Be like them if you want change.

And yes, I'll be wearing one. Not because I want to act a fool and riot, or that I'm automatically a liberal like I know some Republicans would assume nor as a way to say "I hate Trump" because that's not MY reason. It's not a protest against Trump for me. MY reason is because nobody has a right to bully anyone just because they want to. Wearing a pin is to me awareness, a peaceful protest example, marching where you are NOT breaking the law is peaceful protest. My reason for wearing is to speak out against bullying. Any form of bullying. Yeah I'm a Christian and I believe what I do in the Bible but even Jesus stopped the stoning of a sinner.... Love goes farther than hate. 

We the people have had enough of your crying, rioting, looting, violence, threats, ultra-sensitivity, taking offense to everyone and everything, intolerance for anyone or anything that is different from you; even if it is good for you, your hatred of Public Safety and the Military, and your general disrespect for the American flag, the National Anthem, and America itself!!!! If you don't like it here, do what I suggested, and if you still want to keep whining and rioting, being violent move out and move on to a different country. Bet you come back with your tail between your legs whining on how much worse you have it elsewhere. Till then, just shut up. I don't care who you are or what side you are on.

Want more? Go here. 

This goes for LEO's and corrections officers too in my book. 

That is all for today. Remember, this messed up world is NOT our final home..... Where I'm going is at greater stake than where I am now. 

~ Special Momma ~ 

Let it Burn

After I got this post done, I realized this may be more like a part two to my James post the other day.... My mind and fingers get away from me sometimes... Anyway, enjoy and I hope what I say here helps you. 

TimeHop has a really bad habit of bringing back thoughts and memories, sometimes to times you wish you didn't relive yet other times you are glad you can. Four years ago this week was my daughter's last major surgery. November 5th was the surgery. Let it Burn was stuck in my head for weeks before and after. It always brings me back to that surgery. Just like Ordinary World takes me to my son's chiari decompression. Or Hold Me Now does my miscarriage.... Can't tell RED is one of my favorite bands? (Besides, Mike is cute.)

I decided to listen to Let it Burn again the other night. Lyrics have a way of making impressions and different interpretations at different times.

The other night part of the lyrics really stuck out.

"I watch the city burn

These dreams like ashes float away

Your voice I never heard

Only silence"

And

"I watch the city burn

These passions slowly smoldering

A lesson never learned

Only violence

Is your world just a broken promise

Is your love just a drop of rain

Will we all just burn our fire

Are you still there"

And finally this part:

"Will you wait until it all burns down

Will you hide until it all burns down

Will it hurt when it all burns down

Will you fight when it all burns down

Will you stand when it all burns down

Will you love when it all burns down

Will it end when it all burns down

Will you just let it all burn down"

I find it interesting how this song can be seen as humanity questioning the faithfulness of God or God questioning the faithfulness of humanity. In how Abraham was grieving yet warning about Sodom and Gomorrah and how it was destroyed. Can also be interpreted as a dialogue between God and humanity, with some of the questions asked by Him in response to the questions asked by Christians. I can also see a  reference to Revelation. To me, this person is looking at how our world is falling apart, how there is so much pain and violence, how so many people hate God and His followers, and how His followers are so greatly persecuted. He wonders where Christ is, and why He hasn't done anything. He wants Him to return and fix this corrupted world. He asks the question asked in Revelation, how much longer? One last one could be a crisis of faith song. Like a believer or almost a believer crying out "Eli Eli lama sabachthani?" "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me!"

So many dimensions here...

I have always seen it as God and us humans asking each other questions. Yet I can definitely see the other interpretations too. The other night I really started thinking about the other lyrical meanings and how it could apply to me.

All of those interpretations I shared I have seen yet what stuck out the most was these lyrics:

"I watch the city burn

These dreams like ashes float away

Your voice I never heard

Only silence"

Credit

From the movie Avatar

Why? Why just those lyrics this time? Is God trying to tell me something?

First thing that comes to mind is that over the course of my life I have had many dreams burn down and get utterly destroyed, most of which I had no control over whatsoever. I never thought when I graduated high school, let alone college where I would be now. When I was a junior in high school, I wanted to be a band director. By the time my senior rolled around and knew that going to college for music was out, I figured maybe microbiology. That died a semester into college. Then I figured maybe I would go in to be a counselor for abused children, like play therapist. I started that and did get the two year degree in ECE, was going to go back for the bachelors in sociology or criminal justice and that didn't work out. Then I had kids..... The rest is history. lol

I don't have regrets in any of that. Nope. Yet so many dreams and desires have vanished over the years.

The other thing is I look at the world around me, the rising tensions with Russia and now Iran threatening an invasion, the elections next week which either way is a disaster waiting to happen, terrorism threats right around elections now being warned about and overall just how cold the world is.... Are we as humanity now "every man for himself" and if we destroy ourselves then so be it?

How long will we stay silent and just let injustice keep going on? Violence only begets violence. Hate only begets hate. The only cure is love and compassion. 

Four years ago, the reason this song was stuck in my head then was because I was questioning God in His plan. Why horrible headaches in my then 5 year old? Why was Kindergarten turning out to be a REALLY hard year for several reasons? (The school and staff were wonderful through all of that.) As rough as that time was, she has come a LONG way... Yet because she has done survived much that she has, it's amazing to see the bond that my daughter and her brother have. Usually. LOL


I keep looking at the world around me and ask God, "How much longer?" How much longer till His return? How much more patient will God be before we as humanity reap what we have sown?

"Will you wait until it all burns down

Will you hide until it all burns down

Will it hurt when it all burns down

Will you fight when it all burns down

Will you stand when it all burns down

Will you love when it all burns down

Will it end when it all burns down

Will you just let it all burn down"

Will we just sit back, and allow things to continue?

Call me nuts but I truly believe we are soon going to see some really huge change in our world. I'm not going to get all zealous on here or anything but I have done some studying on Bible Prophecy and Revelation.

I just pray that when all does start to fall, we all hold steadfast onto our faith......

Our faith is not about how we look, dress, money, etc. James, the half brother of Jesus spoke strongly of this. Our faith should be just only about where we are with God. Are we saved? Have we accepted salvation? If not, I challenge you to really think hard about that.

It's no walk in the park but the rewards are so great.... I talk about so much in here yet I know that no matter what, I will not lose my faith. I cannot. 

"Sometimes we must have manure dumped on us before we will produce fruit" Steve Branham

I found that this morning and had to laugh. How often do we feel like life has crapped on us only to find out later that even though we were, there were blessings to come from it later? I know I have at least talked one out of suicide, I know I have encouraged others with my story, even though my first 8 years especially were awful.... I had good in those years but overall it was awful..... Yet that's just part of my testimony. 

So now I come to this: 

I asked on Facebook the other day: If you have left the church and or the faith in Christ, which and why?

The answer I got the most was: "hypocrisy, judgements, and blatant disregard for others than in organized religion."

Is that why you have not been comfortable or accepted or believed in Christ?

Legalism is a term used to describe a system of beliefs that must be adhered to in order to be a "good" Christian. What is of vital importance, however, is that these "legalisms" are NOT found in the Bible. Many legalists would go as far as to say that if a person does not adhere to their own beliefs of legalism then they are not Christians at all even if they have placed their trust in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior of their lives. They simply say that any action going against what they believe to be right or wrong is evidence that they are not believers at all. Legalism was one thing that Christ fought against. Think of the Pharisees, or the temple being used as a market. Christ always had harsh words for the behavior that went on with that. Legalism negates everything Christ came for. Legalism says that if we do this or that, then we can find salvation. Legalism is not defined by the existence of a rule or a principle to be followed; legalism is the evaluation of a person’s spirituality on the basis of their willingness to follow a rule or principle that is not found in Scripture. It can be thought of as a works-based religion. James Ch. 2 says that our faith will be seen in our works, and our works will show our faith. It's not about working your way to salvation, it's about accepting salvation and your life showing that through what you do. As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead. Yet works without faith is dead. We are to love and follow and honor the Lord who bought us all day every day, not just one day, whether Saturday or Sunday. That is how we show that the truth of God is truly written on our hearts.

How Does Legalism Manifest Itself in modern day churches?

Today, despite Paul’s teaching, legalism manifests itself in churches all over the world. One reason there are so many different denominations is due to legalism. Some believe that breaking bread must be done every week at church. Some believe that since the Old Testament Sabbath day corresponds to modern-day Saturday then worship services must always be on Saturday as well. Speaking of the Sabbath, many feel that it is a day that must be honored in the same legalistic way it was in the Old Testament. Some do not allow dancing or drinking. Some do not allow musical instruments to be played in the church building. Some believe a person must be dunked under the water while others say that the sprinkling of water is sufficient. The list goes on and on, but it only takes one legalistic doctrine to make the whole church legalistic. The manifestations of this problem are numerous, but the solution is always the same: what does the Bible have to say about these problems, and what is it’s teaching? As already seen, Paul speaks to this issue, and he has some very strong words to say about it as he denounces it.

Legalism should never be viewed as harmless. Though it may appear this way in some instances, many heresies present themselves as harmless until they grow and become truly destructive. It’s like a "white lie" or a harmless piece of gossip -- it grows and grows until it eventually destroys. Guarding herself from becoming legalistic should be an item the church considers every day of her existence. Obviously, the best way to guard legalism is to preach against it and use all of the many examples of legalism that exist today to illustrate how prevalent it is. Going further, for those who persist in thwarting the pure gospel of Jesus Christ through legalistic teaching, the church should practice church discipline in this matter as outlined in Matthew 18.

Most legalists are simply ignorant to the pure gospel. As humans it can be very difficult to just accept God’s grace without feeling as if it must be worked for. Instead of seeing legalism as harmless the church should take measures to educate and model what true grace really is. This problem is old, and it is apparently going to plague the church forever. But this is no reason why good teaching and preaching cannot minimize the destructiveness of legalism.

You can't work your way in though, you have to have the faith to show for it. Now this isn't saying that the church, leaders are the cause of legalism in all cases here but I think when you get a group of people anywhere, cliques, "social status rules" and status quo all gets designed when in reality, it should not.

Now, I'll address one other thing here. I had something typed up but found this and it was so much better than what I had.

"Question #5:  

I have noticed many of the people at my church treat other Christians poorly. I often wonder at what point do they think it is ok to attack a person's belief (misguided, false, whatever) when it doesn't line up with the Bible if the person is genuinely seeking knowledge? I've heard a descent amount of name calling and it disturbs me. (I'm not talking about someone coming on with perfect knowledge on a subject and stirring the pot for fun). But I believe that how people view is how some people will view all the people at the church.

I don't understand how does calling someone a "snot nosed uppity individual" set anyone straight doctrinally? This hurts me and I hear this a lot at churches. I try not to shoot them down if they are willing to discuss things without an argument. Otherwise it is almost as if we are saying, hey, if you're a Christian and know your stuff - your welcome here. If you don't - your not. And what if someone comes on who isn't saved, but wants to know about salvation and is really messed up in their thinking! I'm am not referring about those individuals who come on and know both sides of the issue well, have made their choice and just want to stir the pot and start a fight. But, I honestly can say, there are sooooo many churches out there (and pastors) propagating lies that we should expect that there will be people who are really confused (they may be saved - maybe not- and think they are) who need the help of those who have the answers solidly grounded in the Word of God. If we can't give them solid answers Biblically who will?

Sorry if I seem upset. Do you agree?

Response #5:  

I think what you are implying here is exactly correct. Attacking other people is not Christian love, especially in cases where as you make clear it is not a question of some provocateur invading your church just to stir up trouble but rather of people asking questions. Ideally, a Bible teaching church will be offering up so much truth so often and in so many ways that 1) people who are genuinely interested in pursuing the truth will be fed and will learn to be patient, realizing early on that sooner or later most if not all of their questions will be answered while 2) people who are not really interested in pursuing the truth will soon leave since no one is rising to the bait when they try to pick a fight. To me, this is the area where "church discipline" is important, namely, providing a protected environment where both new and mature believers can grow together on the bread of the Word without being hindered or destroyed by other people who condemn them for their beliefs or private behavior. When this message, example, and source of truth from substantive Bible teaching is actually coming from the pulpit in a systematic way, the Spirit and the Word are more than capable of "straightening out" anyone and everyone who needs to be straightened out and who is willing to be responsive to the Lord. And it is very important from the standpoint of genuine spiritual growth for this sort of change to come from inside the person in response to Jesus and His truth rather than only superficially from the outside in response to human pressure. Such whitewashing is bound to be imperfect at best, and in many cases of legalism and faulty understanding of scripture it will be entirely and fundamentally wrong.

If I speak in [a variety of] human and angelic languages but I do not have love, I have become [in my words as nothing more than unintelligible] sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And if I possess the gift of prophecy and know all the mysteries [of God] and all [His] knowledge, and if I possess a complete faith [sufficient] to move mountains but I do not have love, then I am nothing. And if I sell off everything I own and hand myself over into slavery so that I may boast [of my good works] but do not have love, then I profit nothing by it. Love exercises patience. Love does what is honorable. Love is not envious. It does not go about boasting vainly. It does not swell with pride. It does not behave in a shameful way. It does not seek after its own advantage. It is not easily provoked. It does not bear grudges. It does not rejoice over wickedness, but it rejoices together with the truth. It protects everything [which ought to be protected]. It believes everything [which ought to be believed]. It hopes everything [which ought to be hoped for]. It endures everything [which ought to be endured].
1st Corinthians 13:1-7

Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.
Romans 14:1 NIV"
There is a big difference between encouraging someone and judging them. For example, if I say to my friend, "hey, want to come to Bible class with me tomorrow? I'll take us." Delicately done that could be encouragement. However, if I say "Why weren't you in Bible class last night?!?!" That is not encouragement. That is judging someone else's application. There are all sorts of reasons why their application could be acceptable, not the least of which could theoretically be that the "Bible class" in question has gone down the wrong road or is not really teaching the Word substantively, and the person has been convicted by the Spirit to find something that does work instead.

Source

So now what? 

Let's burn down these walls that keep us and others from reaching those that need love and mercy the most. 

Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

Are we ready to change? 

Salvation Begins With God:

Have you felt the "tug" of God on your heart? Becoming a Christian is one of the most important steps you will take in your life on earth. Continue reading to learn what the Bible teaches about becoming a Christian and what it means to be a follower of Christ.

This call to salvation begins with God. He initiates it by drawing us to come to Him.

John 6:44
"No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him ..." (NIV)

Revelation 3:20
"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in ..." (NIV)

Human Efforts are Futile:

God desires an intimate relationship with us, but we cannot obtain it through our own efforts.

Isaiah 64:6
"All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags..." (NIV)

Romans 3:10-12
"...There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one." (NIV)

Separated by Sin:

We have a problem. Our sin separates us from God, leaving us spiritually empty.

Romans 3:23
"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." (NIV)

It is impossible for us to find peace with God through our own efforts. Anything we try to do to obtain God's favor or gain salvation is worthless and futile.

A Gift from God:

Salvation then, is a gift from God. He offers the gift through Jesus, his Son. By laying down his life on the cross, Christ took our place and paid the ultimate price, the penalty for our sin -- death. Jesus is our only way to God.

John 14:6
"Jesus told him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me." (NLT)

Romans 5:8
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (NIV)

Responding to God's Call:

The only thing we must do is respond to God's call.

But how? How do I become a Christian?

Receiving God's gift of salvation is not complicated. The response to God's call is explained in these simple steps found in God's Word:

1) Admit you are a sinner and turn away from your sin.

Acts 3:19 says: "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord." (NIV)

Repent literally means "a change of mind that results in a change of action." To repent, then, means to admit you are a sinner. You change your mind to agree with God that you are a sinner. The resulting "change in action" is, of course, the turning away from sin.

2) Believe Jesus Christ died on the cross to save you from your sins and give you eternal life.

John 3:16 says: "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." (NLT)

Believing in Jesus is also a part of repenting. You change your mind from unbelief to belief, which results in a change of action.

3) Come to him by faith.

In John 14:6 Jesus said: "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me." (NLT)

Faith in Jesus Christ is a change of mind that results in a change of action—coming to him.

4) You may pray a simple prayer to God.

God  knows your heart and what you wish for. He knows your hurts and pain. He knows what will become of you. He has a plan for everything that has happened to you. You may want to make your response to God a prayer. Prayer is simply communicating with God. Pray using your own words. There is no special formula. Just pray from your heart to God, and believe that he has saved you. Here is a prayer for you if you really want him into your life. Let this come from your heart and from your soul. If you feel lost and just don’t know what to pray, here’s a prayer of salvation you can pray.

Dear God in heaven, I come to you in the name of Jesus. I acknowledge to You that I am a sinner, and I am sorry for my sins and the life that I have lived; I need your forgiveness.

I believe that your only begotten Son Jesus Christ shed His precious blood on the cross at Calvary and died for my sins, and I am now willing to turn from my sin.

You said in Your Holy Word, Romans 10:9 that if we confess the Lord our God and believe in our hearts that God raised Jesus from the dead, we shall be saved.

Right now I confess Jesus as the Lord of my soul. With my heart, I believe that God raised Jesus from the dead. This very moment I accept Jesus Christ as my own personal Savior and according to His Word, right now I am saved.

Thank you Jesus for your unlimited grace which has saved me from my sins. I thank you Jesus that your grace never leads to license, but rather it always leads to repentance. Therefore Lord Jesus transform my life so that I may bring glory and honor to you alone and not to myself.

Thank you Jesus for dying for me and giving me eternal life. AMEN.

5) Now, don’t doubt.

Salvation is by grace, through faith. There’s nothing you did, or ever can do, to deserve it. It’s a free gift from God. All you have to do is receive it!

Ephesians 2:8 says: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith — and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God." (NIV)

6) Tell someone about your decision.

Romans 10:9-10 says, "If you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved." (NIV)

If you would like to talk, leave me a comment and I will definitely get back in touch. 



Blessings!

~Special Momma ~