Labels

I met with a friend for lunch today and we talked a lot. The poor server had to come back three times just to get our order because we kept talking! We had a lot to catch up on.

Then I got home and got the date for my son's IEP meeting that decides his class placement. It also had all of his test results minus the testing for physical therapy which in August he will no longer get. My heart broke.

My heart breaks a lot on this journey I'm telling you.....


I expected it yet seeing it is like there's no going back. There is no more "guessing on where he is or will be" or whatever...


His IQ is borderline

He can't do this

He can barely do that

He isn't this yet

This is good BUT this

We recommend this and this

All will be decided May __


D-day...... There's a lot of D-Days in the medical world. Decision Day. Will they be good decisions? The right decisions? The best for him? All of the labels of his diagnoses, what he can and can't do, his test scores, his personality, and all of those labels will decide his fate for kindergarten.


Yet then also comes the flip side.... All of those who feel the need to tell me that I should either be grateful he can do A, B and C or those who tell me I deserved this and or asked for it. Might I add both sides have come from those in different walks of life. Family, Christians, friends, associates, and even professionals.


Why do we even do that?

Why do we feel the need to talk like that to people?


It's one of those moments where I wish I could go and slap down some miles. I don't have the time right now and my knee needs a couple more days first. Though I can't wait to hit the pavement Monday..... Instrument practice helps too.


I understand labels. They help us to know what something is or what it does. They are also used to describe stuff. Yet why sometimes do they have to sting so much? Why sometimes do they get used for the wrong reasons? Why sometimes I have to ask did my son get stuck with them when he didn't ask for this? Some of those labels could have been prevented had things been done in a timely manner. Yet here we are....

How much of where we are now could have been prevented had things been taken care of the right way in the first place?


Why.......


Oh I know, many who hear stuff like this want to start on the cliches. Or even the judgmental statements. I get it. People want to make others feel a little better or guilty and move on. They don't want to have to sit with someone and get to know the nitty gritty. It's too hard, it's too negative, they got too many of their own problems or whatever. I've heard all of that. I've even been told that I'm too negative when I don't have a good medical update. Like what am I supposed to do? "My son has encephalomalacia which is a type of TBI but it's okay because he's alive right?" So how does one help the other? How does one treat the problem or how to move forward? It doesn't. It just negates it. What good does that do?

Nothing.

What good does it do to sit there and tell people either verbally or non-verbally that you are tired of hearing the same ole' prayer requests week after week? The eye-rolls, the sighs, the slouching upon a person speaking yet again about it, the "again?" statements, and more..... I say keep telling it! Isn't that what that question was for? To find out the prayer requests of those around us regardless of what or frequency of?

What about those in for the long haul? Years of a diagnosis, or yet more diagnoses getting added as time goes on. Would you continue helping them then? Would you continue checking in on them? Visiting them outside of where you would normally see them once or twice a week or at work? Would you continue to once in a while offer to help with a dinner, a chore, a bill, anything? Does the label make the difference?

Why does those with short-term problems like an unplanned hospital stay get the meal trains, the cards, the visits, the calls, texts, GoFundMe, etc and those who are in for the long haul don't?

Oh some do but most don't.

Is it a matter of who we know, who's popular, who "conforms properly" or whatever other excuse we want to have?

Why?

Why do we treat each side differently? For the same reason as the prayer request thing? People get tired of the same story day after day, week after week, year after year?

I'm not posting this about us. Though I've seen it too. Many families have seen it. I've read the stories.

On a more local level though, why do people donate to the GoFundMe towards a multi-million dollar project like the Marshals Museum yet there are families here who are struggling, yet citizens would rather donate to something that should have had all of it's funding in the first place BEFORE they started building?!?!

Is that because many of those in need have been labeled as needy? Leeches? Lazy?

I have been labeled those and more.

Just because my children get SSI.
Just because once in a great while we have needed a little help....

Like getting my son's neuropsych done, which only happened because a family member covered over half.... Or the chariot we are currently seeking so I can continue training with him and adapting to doing Ainsley's Angels with him. As my son has asked me to do.  I've already gotten one hateful statement towards me about it.

Those labels are on me, even though my husband works, we pay taxes, we pay our bills and we borrow nothing. By the way, I hate to say it but most of the labels given to me in recent years have been from locals and family. Most from people who claim to follow Christ.

That's right!

Want some more labels I've had? Even in the last few years I've heard some of this. "Retard" "Psycho" "Ugly" "Defective" "Useless" "Worthless" "Should have never been born" "Stupid" "Dummy" "Lazy leech" "Only creates defective kids" "Wants a handout" and so many more.



What about you? What labels have been put on you? What labels have you put on others? Do you like your labels?

Some of my good ones are: "Stubborn" "Overcomer" "Advocate" "Honest" "Fighter" "Warrior" "Momma" "Wife"

So my question for this weekend is this:

What labels do you carry? Which labels are you going to peel off of you just because some ignorant person thought you were this or that? Which labels will you keep? Which labels will you put on someone else? Will what they look like, social status, economic status, religion, race, lifestyle or any of that make a difference?

Would seeing two people going through the same thing but the only difference between them be one of those statuses make a difference on who you choose to support?

If so, then maybe it's time to go back and reread where Jesus commanded us to love others and to treat others as we want to be treated ourselves.


I have this to say about my children though. My rare gems. It's not my fault some in this world refuse to see the special as rare. I'd take rare any day over ordinary!

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~ Special Momma ~