Ordinary World

I think of RED's version when I hear that song but I know probably many think of Duran Duran. That is a song stuck in my head right now. Mainly the chorus:

But I won't cry for yesterday 
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

This has been stuck in my head a couple of days now. (Red's version) My son's surgery is just around the corner, and appointments and more have been keeping me quite busy. In fact, I got his sleep study results back today. Not the details but enough. His central apneas were half of what they were at the last study and his hypopnea rate was much less as well. I'm glad yet scratching my head.

I'm thinking much about the surgery though at the moment. Before I had no question that it was needed now and yet as that dragon is breathing in my face, I think I'm starting to have doubts. Less than a week out and my brain isn't shutting up yet. And I know it won't.....

It will also be the first birthday for me that I have had to spend it in the hospital with one of my children. That doesn't bother me nearly like the unknowns of how all will go and how my son will do.

The all too familiar sights, smells and sounds are leeching into my head again. Yet this is unknown. I don't know this territory or anything and that in a way makes it harder to face. Second major surgery for my not two year old son. I don't know if we will still be in Dallas when he turns two or not but he will be too soon post-op for a birthday party. At least he won't remember any of this.

Yet I will survive, my husband will survive and my daughter will too. She of all people know what all of this means, even though she doesn't have Chiari.... 

"I can't escape the ghost of you." I can say that for the medical journey here too. Especially just before or just after procedures. The sights, smells and sounds linger, the ghost haunts me. I can close my eyes and sometimes just hear the familiar noises of the ICU machines, sometimes the smells just hit me when I don't expect it to and the dreams sometimes remind me of where we have been. 

My Ordinary World... Yet the world I'm in no matter what I say or do about it yet I do the best I can to choose to find the joys in it because it is way too easy to find the dark places....... There may be more darkness in it then I like but where the sun shines, really is bright. 

Credit

Blessings!

~ Special Momma ~