Climbing in the dark

"Look for the silver lining" "Look for the rainbows" "There is always a light spot somewhere"

I could go on. We hear it all the time. Yet sometimes, we still struggle with believing it. Sometimes more than we want to admit.

Sometimes the journey feels like it's midnight and we are climbing up the steep mountain of vanity it feels like and despite the little light from the moon shining down upon us, we feel like we are about to fall to our death.We look up and we can see the stars and the moon in the sky during our climb but as a foot slips, we also look down into the never ending dark abyss below and wonder how long we can keep holding on......


One of my favorite songs by Creed.

"My Own Prison"

A court is in session, a verdict is in
No appeal on the docket today
Just my own sin
The walls are cold and pale
The cage made of steel
Screams fill the room
Alone I drop and kneel
Silence now the sound
My breath the only motion around
Demons cluttering around
My face showing no emotion
Shackled by my sentence
Expecting no return
Here there is no penance
My skin begins to burn

(And I said oh) So I held my head up high
Hiding hate that burns inside
Which only fuels their selfish pride
(And I said oh) We're held captive
Out from the sun
A sun that shines on only some
We the meek are all in one

I hear a thunder in the distance
See a vision of a cross
I feel the pain that was given
On that sad day of loss
A lion roars in the darkness
Only he holds the key
A light to free me from my burden
And grant me life eternally

Should have been dead
On a Sunday morning
Banging my head
No time for mourning
Ain't got no time

(And I said oh) So I held my head up high
Hiding hate that burns inside
Which only fuels their selfish pride
(And I said oh) We're held captive
Out from the sun
A sun that shines on only some
We the meek are all in one


I cry out to God
Seeking only his decision
Gabriel stands and confirms
I've created my own prison
I cry out to God
Seeking only his decision
Gabriel stands and confirms
I've created my own prison

(And I said oh) So I held my head up high
Hiding hate that burns inside
Which only fuels their selfish pride
(And I said oh) We're held captive
Out from the sun
A sun that shines on only some
We the meek are all in one

(And I said oh) So I held my head up high
Hiding hate that burns inside
Which only fuels their selfish pride
(And I said oh) We're held captive
Out from the sun
A sun that shines on only some
We the meek are all in one

Should've been dead on a Sunday morning
banging my head
No time for mourning
Ain't got no time


It's been a hard week...... I have been letting things get to me. It has been a week where I have been nick picked at and where I admit I have wondered at times if dealing with family is really worth it if I'm going to be treated like that, no matter who it is.

What is God trying to teach me? Why am I feeling so exhausted in dealing with this? Even at church, I was feeling bogged down and exhausted.


I try to keep the light in this blog but I wouldn't be real if I didn't show the hard stuff too. Yet we can't stay in that. God is good no matter what, no matter what, God is good. No matter how dark life gets or how far we stray, God is waiting for us to receive Him again.

If nothing else, there is chocolate! :) Just don't EVER give up!

Blessings!

~ Special Momma ~



"Salvation"

[Introduction that is at the end of the previous track, "Madness in Me".
Little girl recites Isaiah 53:5-6:] [Jen Ledger:] Are you far? [Jen Ledger:] Am I left to die? [Jen Ledger:] Will You come to my rescue? [Little girl:] He was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. [Jen Ledger:] My heart will burn for You. [Little girl:] He was beaten so we could be whole. [John Cooper:] You're keepin' me alive. [Jen Ledger:] My heart will burn for You. [Little girl:] He was whipped so we could be healed. [John Cooper:] You're keepin' me alive. [Jen Ledger & John Cooper:] My heart will burn for You. [Little girl:] All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. [Little girl:] We have left God’s paths to follow our own. [Jen Ledger:] It's all I can do.. [Little girl:] Yet the Lord laid on him the sins of us all.

All alone, lost in this abyss
Crawling in the dark
Nothing to wet my longing lips
And I wonder where you are
Are you far?
Will you come to my rescue?
Am I left to die?
But I can’t give up on you
I feel you keeping me alive
You are my salvation
Touch you, taste you, feel you here
Oh oh, yeah yeah
I feel you keeping me alive
You are my salvation
Hold me, heal me, keep me near
Oh oh, yeah yeah
My heart will burn for you
It’s all I can do
Salvation
Salvation
(Keeping me alive)
Salvation
(You’re keeping me)
Salvation
(You’re keeping me alive)
Been out from under who I am
And who I want to be
Held you tightly in my hands
Why are we unraveling?
Was it me?
Will you come to my rescue
Or did I push to far
When I turned my back on you?
I feel you keeping me alive
You are my salvation
Touch you, taste you, feel you here
Oh oh, yeah yeah
I feel you keeping me alive
You are my salvation
Hold me, heal me, keep me near
Oh oh, yeah yeah
My heart will burn for you
It’s all I can do
Salvation
Salvation
(Keeping me alive)
Salvation
Touch you, taste you, feel you, need you
Give it all just to find you
Hold me, heal me
I will find you
Keeping me alive
You are my salvation
Touch you, taste you, feel you here
Oh oh, yeah yeah
Our love will never die
You are my salvation
Hold me, heal me, keep me near
Oh oh, yeah yeah
My heart will burn for you
It’s all I can do
Salvation
Salvation
Touch you, taste you, feel you, need you
Salvation