Band

This isn't my first post about music on here nor my life with music. Though today I just feel like writing about it. Go down memory lane with me. Music has honestly saved me. Sounds cheesy but it's the truth.

Spring 1993, I was almost 12. Kids started band in 5th grade at the school I was at. I was currently near the end of 6th grade. I was stuck in a single classroom most of the day because I was too whatever they wanted to call me to "handle" full time in a regular classroom. That and my brain doesn't "click" with things as fast as people thought it should so I was considered pretty dumb. They didn't have inclusion really back then. You would be mainstreamed, have a few mainstream classes or you were special ed. That's it. Most kids, if you had an IEP, you were special ed in seclusion. Man have times changed.... I was that kid who fell through the cracks. I was that kid who was worth crap. I was that kid who had to claw herself back up time and time again. I was that kid who at one time had so much despair that I wanted to end my life and tried. I was that kid who at school nobody listened to her. I was that kid who teachers and counselors both said that I would amount to nothing. That I would always be a burden to society. I would always live in an institution. I would only wind up in prison. I was that kid who people didn't want to help because it was inconvenient for them. I was that kid who had to get through school all by herself and did it. I was that kid who overcame. I was that kid who was able to stand up graduating college and wishing all of those who said I wouldn't were there to be proven wrong.

Anyway!


Spring 1993, I don't remember the exact conversation but I wanted to play an instrument like the rest of my family had. I think part of what spawned it was a game called Professor Piccolo. During my growing up years, my grandpa for Christmas or birthdays would get me toys/stuff related to fishing or music in one way or another. I called him one evening and said I wanted to go into music. I wanted to do clarinet first but was told I couldn't due to that my mouth shape was bad for it. Looking back I kinda wonder if it was partly that and partly that maybe the flute was one of the few if any instruments he had had left from his music store, and to save all parties involved money, I got that.


This was the first flute I started on. It was much better back then than it is now...... Marching band kinda ruined the plating and most of the damage was only in the first year of high school.

I still have it all these years later. Though now it needs an overhaul done on it. That flute got me through 7th through part of 11th grade till I got an Armstrong 80B with my own money. It got me through two and a half years of high school, all of what was left of middle school and was a good rehearsal horn when not doing marching performances. I marched piccolo my junior year.

The following two videos were of the best two seasons I ever had marching. First one we won state and so many memories with that, the second one was the most memorable show, pulled at heartstrings. I still have the ribbon with the child's name that was given to me. He had been about my age at the time when he was killed in Columbine....

Now concert band.... 7th grade the first thing we played after I got out of summer band was a Bb concert scale. I didn't know what that was.... Not at first. Not because I didn't know the notes but because we didn't learn that. That was just the start of many things in music I would have to learn on my own. First song we played was William Tell Overture. Needless to say that first week didn't go well for me in the sense of playing by any means but I was determined to make it work. The flute player in the next chair above me was a huge help. You know who you are.


Over time, I was in and out of placements the next few years. Nothing different from the past few years having been in and out as well. Trying to kill myself at nearly 13, going back months later into 8th grade, band and everything then later becoming ward of the state and put into a foster home then group home added to it. I wasn't in the origional school district for much of 8th grade but we did get to do concert band contest. Got a first division and I do remember playing Novena. Really fun piece. I remember the other two we did that concert also. State of the Art and Chinook Wind Rhapsody. No, I wasn't the piccolo player. I was in last chair. Being in and out of placements really did hinder my playing honestly. I didn't get to practice much and what practice I did do, I couldn't do in privacy. Not till that group home anyway. It was the tail end of my 8th grade year that I really started to take off. Though it was still a while before I was playing pretty good.

The summer of my freshman year, I entered into my first year of marching band. Little did I know what I was getting into.... Trying to learn how to march and play was definitely harder than it looked. I was automatically one of those "state kids" because of where I lived and I was also still in a "special ed" class some of the school day so that was two strikes on me. Strike three was I didn't grow up in that school district. I had much to prove. I also was outspoken and not tactful about it.... I didn't do so well to start. Let me tell you though, marching band is excellent exercise and a good way to get in shape!!

First was basics in marching for part of the day and the other part of the day was learning the music and memorizing it. The music was easy, mostly. Especially with the constant repetition. Marching was easy, especially when I remembered to always start with the left foot. Putting both together, not so much. By the time all the drill was learned and the memorization was done, my section leader told me that I was either to march and not play anything, just hold my flute or quit band. Honestly, excuse my french but the first thing I told her was to "kiss my ass". Yeah, that went well. I wasn't liked much in our section anyway for few reasons mentioned earlier so that went well. The next day, she told me she talked to one of the directors who sided with her. Funny they never came to me. In fact, one of our drill charts put me right at the front of the 50 yard line so that meant that everyone had to line up to me, regardless if I hit the spot right or not. The director during rehearsals would actually tell everyone to go to "____ chart!" It honestly made me feel special for once. I think it was a matter of the computer programming my number at that spot in the timing of the drill formations but I didn't care.
I ultimately didn't wind up playing any of the marching music, or so they thought, that first year because the whole section I was told, complained about how bad I was and I was told by one of the leaders, not a director that I shouldn't play. Obviously I've never forgotten that. "I know you are in special ed and in band but obviously you can't figure out the marching and playing thing so just march since the others can handle the playing." Yeah..... Not sure if any of them figured it out or not but there were times I played anyway. I was going to make it work and I didn't care what it took. I didn't play and march at the same time for the "big" competitions, I just marched my charts but I did for the others because I was not going to be told what to do by someone who was not my boss.

So anyway, as we got farther into the season, the more fun it got. Tradition was no matter what bus number you were on to head to and from competitions, two songs by Queen were always played the way there and the way back, win or not. We Will Rock You and We Are The Champions. No matter what, those were played. To and from most competitions I would either read a book or watch out the window. I had no friends at that school, just a few acquaintances at that time. I was fine with that too because I already knew it would be like that going in. Though for the sake of "fairness" any souvenirs that were made or decorations in the band hall or lockers, I kept. Most were made by the band boosters. I still have that stuff. The paper stuff is in a band scrapbook and the music notes from my freshman and sophomore years are on my mantle. The ceramic angel flute our section leader got everyone just before state freshman year broke a few years ago sadly. I think I only got that because she was told all or none. Like I said, I was an outcast. Well it's the truth! I was fortunate my two seasons at that school, there was a fellow band parent willing to take me to and from the high school back to the group home the days of competitions and football/basketball home games for pep band, otherwise I doubt I would have gone at all. I could see the group home staff taking me for drop off but I doubt for pickup because of how late it would be when we got back from competitions. There was one day, I was left at the school for hours because the home forgot about me and then they got mad at me when I did get picked up because apparently it was "my fault" they forgot me despite that they had my practice schedule. It was soon after that, that the band parent offered to help.

The day of State my freshman year came. It was one of the scariest band moments of my life, even now I say that yet it was soooo exciting. Marching on that turf with the dome lights on you was breathtaking. SOOOOO many people watching to see how you all did. One band, one sound. Fifteen minutes on the field decided so much. After we performed, we sat in the stands as a group to see whomever was left to perform and all went afterward onto the field. We stood at attention in our area while awards 10th through 1st were called out. Talk about anxiety to see how you all did!!! I bawled when they announced who got runner-up, which at the time was our biggest rival in band. We beat them! I actually still have these two posters. I had them hung up in my bedroom at the group home and at home till college.

Then marching season was over.....

I don't know if our director ever knew this or not but that year not only winning State but also how he treated me made me realize that maybe there was some good in humanity. A soul like his was few and far between. Honestly. Two teachers in high school made the most impact on me, ever. They were the only two in high school to ever come out and tell me I mattered. That I was worth something. That I had potential. That I would make a difference. I was able to tell one recently that, I wish I could tell my old director there that but he passed away a few years later. I'll get into that soon. Prior to those two, I only had one other teacher in all my years really show me they cared, and that was my first grade teacher. Just telling the facts. (Teachers, tell your students they matter. Love on all of them, even the difficult ones. It's the difficult ones who need love the most, not disdain.)

Freshman year also started the world of Solo & Ensemble. This was for concert band season, winter and spring. Our school was really big into that as well. Anyone in band had to be in either an ensemble of some sort or doing a solo or both. Freshman year I did the flute choir. I wasn't good enough for the woodwind choir. I sure as heck wasn't going to do a solo! I was on my own in learning for the most part and I didn't have anybody who could do the piano anyway so that ruled solos out anyway. During some practices I played the piece with them but I wasn't able to perform it with them. The flute choir I got 4th out of 5th parts. The middle piece was soooo boring because it was pretty much playing the same low A natural the WHOLE thing.... At least the first and past pieces were more involved. We ultimately got a first division at State Solo & Ensemble for our flute choir. (You can only go to State IF you have a Division I solo or ensemble piece AND you get a first division rank. (Pics below) Ensembles got the state of Indiana whereas solos got different ones.

Movement 1, Movement 2, Movement 3

Freshman concert band season, one of the most memorable pieces I remember playing was Gustav Holst First Suite in Eb. I can never hear that without going back to all of the memories of freshman year and the impact it made on me, even though as a musician I still kinda sucked... lol


Before long, I was getting ready for my sophomore year, only two class periods of seven were considered "special ed" by this point. Even those I didn't "need" I was only in them because I had a hard time with math and another subject and was simply in for the extra help. Again, they didn't really do inclusion classrooms with a para back then. You were either mainstreamed or in special ed. Nothing in the middle. Anyway,  marching season yet again. New show, new drill and a flute section that knew I wasn't going to take crap this year. I had gotten better with the flute, mostly playing on my own still. No private lessons or anything. I had huge respect for our director though as he was sooo much like my grandpa..... He saw potential and hope in everyone. That is something you don't really find. The special ed classroom teacher I had was like that also. She was one of the best teachers I ever had. I'm just glad I got to tell her that recently. That August soon after school started, I found out my grandpa had passed.... After the funeral and everything, I bawled putting my flute together the first time after, knowing that even though I didn't see him often enough, I would never get a music lesson from him again. From 12-15 he was the only one who would help me in playing and learning music. The rest I learned on my own or by practices during band and out of school. I decided then, no matter what, I was going to do a flute solo that year.

I got back to marching band practice and our director came up to me directly, hugged me and said I didn't have to play that day. I remember telling him that grandpa would have wanted me to go on and at least now he is where he can hear me play every day. Putting the flute together that day was hard enough but when we started warming up, I had tears falling down my face. Nobody else minus that one favorite teacher said anything to me all day about anything, not even at the group home. State that year we got third.

I told the group home after marching season was over that they got a check for me being there from the state and that I was going to make solo & ensemble work and I didn't care how, I was going to get a flute teacher that could be a piano accompanist who could at least help me get through S&E and go from there. I told them why and that I just asked for this one thing. Not sure who honestly covered it but lessons started soon after. Let me tell you, I knew how to play, I could make things work but I developed some bad playing habits too. So, we worked on those and my flute solo. It was a second division solo so I would not have the option for State but I didn't care. I just wanted to keep a promise I had made. That I did. I almost got a first division in Division II but not quite.... Grandpa I'm sure was proud none the less.

Sophomore year

Soon after I went home for good, though I wanted to stay at one high school, the courts said I had to go back to the other school district. I wasn't happy about that because I would have to see everyone who knew all of the past stuff.... I wasn't popular at the group home and at that school district by any means but I didn't want to leave either. Yet when court says you have to go and you are a minor, you are stuck. So.... home I went and back to the old school district.

Talk about things being different. Though even there I was still an outcast but many had not remembered much, they just remembered I was an outcast. No flutes I was in 7th grade band with were here, they came from other middle schools in our district. I didn't have much of my 10th grade year to finish here before school was out and getting ready for marching season again. AND I was only in  "special ed" for one class. Study hall. Our show that year didn't go so well. It was the first year I marched piccolo though.That was fun!!!

Solo & Ensemble was still a big deal at this school but getting ready for it was done differently. I was going to do a solo on flute and one on piccolo but thanks to working so many hours at the fast food joint, and school, I barely had time to do the solo stuff on the flute so I just didn't do the piccolo one. The flute solo, I barely got this second division for a Division I solo because I had only heard the piano accompaniment the night before and totally messed it up both times..... The flute teacher I had at this point didn't play piano so I had to find and pay a last minute accompanist.

Junior year

Concert band went pretty well. We were split up into three smaller bands based on skill. I was in the middle band, fourth chair. Compared where I was always in the past, I took it. No flute solos, no piccolo solos and I was good.


Senior year..... No special ed anything! The final year of high school band.... I had wanted to go to college and be a music education major like grandpa had been. He taught band for many years. I was bound to enjoy it. I had been finally able to play on a french model flute for a while now, (Paid for it myself my junior year) and I was so sure I was going to do what I dreamed to be. Last marching season, last football game pep band, last basketball game pep band, last of everything within high school. I was excited yet didn't want it all to end. It was also the season that the band director as my last high school died. I had heard the news the morning of a marching competition from the director I was currently under. I was glad he told me but it brought back soooooo many memories. I had no regrets this time, other than I wished I could have been able to go to his funeral...

Our marching show was a very memorable one, called The 4th Angel. Video was posted earlier in the post. We were talked about a lot, both in the community and online. Yet most of us who marched this show, had no regrets. This school got into State that year with this program and we got 9th. I didn't care. I went to State three years of four, won one and in the eyes of the world, we might as well have won my senior year given our show. I still have my memorial ribbon....

Auditions for chairs for the last time, I was determined to do really well with also. I was fortunate I was familiar with one of the three segments we auditioned with thanks to the prior high school. I got third chair, first band. I was happy. No solos on anything yet first part. I was happy. In five years time, I went from last chair to 3rd (What I wanted) in the top band.

Solo & Ensemble came around for the final time. Acceptance into any Indiana University or College for music ed wasn't going to be a problem this time, it was money. I wasn't ever smart enough and applied myself in classes to get the good scholarships, didn't qualify grants so..... loans it would have been. I would have been on my own for all of it. Working the nearly full time hours at a fast food joint I was already working plus my school hours and band wasn't going to pay for that to even begin.  So..... due to that, music was over. After S&E it was over. My flute teacher said that she would no longer see me after S&E because I was not going to a college for music. Given that, I was bound to make S&E work. I was going to do the flute choir and also a flute solo. The choir didn't work out for a few reasons, my work hours plus school demands just didn't allow me the practice time I really needed and I couldn't make all the practices that were needed for different reasons.

 
Movement 3 and Movement 4 in Sonata in C Major by Handel


In the realm of my music world, this was the pinnacle of it. Getting a first division for a Division I solo at both district and State.
I did it!!

All of them

From high school, these were my top favorite pieces that I remember..... There were sooo many more played and many I've forgotten but not all.

Shenandoah by Frank Ticheli,
Divertimento by Persichetti
Variations on a Korean Folk Song by John Chance
Those three just my senior year.

Dragoons of Villars by Albert F. Schoepper
Symphonic Suite by Clifton Williams
Ireland of Legend and Lore by Robert Smith
Masque by Francis McBeth

Those from mainly freshman year but some from sophomore and junior also. I excluded the Holst piece because I mentioned it earlier.

That is where the road ended.

Or so I thought.

Now, it was essentially over for me. I went on to community college, got a degree and started in that. I went five years before really playing again, and even though I'm nowhere near as good as I once was, and probably never will be, I play in our local community band and at church.I started playing in the church in early 2006. Community band in 2008. In community band, I play second flute. I'm fine with that now too. I know I'm not as good as I once was and it's not about being "the best" anymore anyway. I've blogged some in here about being an adult musician and music. I've got so many favorites from community band, there's too many to even list here. Though we have played some that I have also played in high school.

Part of what's affected my playing now is being one with adult onset hearing loss. It has had it's own challenges in the music world. The first audiogram where I was told I was losing my hearing was back in 2007. My left ear was worse and it still is. Though I had to settle with only one hearing aid for some time due to cost and that insurance didn't cover them. It was only in the last few years that I was given a pair of Phonak Bolero Q90-P pair off of someone who had passed away locally. Having an actual pair changed a lot for me. That technology may not have been "ideal" for especially my type of hearing loss but at least it worked and I could still play. I remember one Sunday where I was playing at church and both died at the same time. No warning. I barely heard anything through the earmolds.... I sure had a new appreciation for it. Think of earmolds as earplugs of themselves with a small vent hole to allow extra back out. Now play and listen to everyone else on stage. I kinda panicked even though nobody else saw it. Thankfully I had batteries with me that day but I couldn't just swap out in the middle of that. I recently got the Starkey Muse hearing aids thanks to new insurance covering. So far they are working pretty well for the music world. Programs help!

My family has always been rich in the music world. I was determined to keep myself going with it and I hoped my children would want to, but I was not going to push them into it if they didn't want to.


This last spring my daughter did instrument tryouts. Not playing but seeing how good tone and stuff is. Her scores were amazing! And she chose trumpet, as she wanted. She'd had a trumpet for a bit now but using it more for playing on/with and not serious learning yet.

She has since started 6th grade, in band, did her first concert and I think she's hooked. She said she chose trumpet because that would keep me as the "traitorous woodwind in the family while everyone else was brass!" 🤣 (Woodwinds are better! #SorryNotSorry !!) I've been told that she's doing really well also.

I as of this summer, started learning the clarinet, as I always wanted. I'm not very good at it yet but I am learning and I am getting some lessons as well. I will never give up the flute but eventually I want the clarinet to take me into church and community band stuff too. I can never rewind and do marching and all of that again but that's fine. being a musician offers many, many memories for me. I have no regrets in playing the flute and I'm not going to dismiss the 25 years I've done on it either.

My darling daughter wants me to also learn the trumpet with her. Who knows how far that will go. The good news is, as she gets better and I get better on the clarinet, we can play the same sheet music. (Same instrument key. I can't play the flute with trumpet or clarinet music and have it sound right.)

I hope in time, band will continue for all of us in one way or another. I look forward to the next generation, my children getting to see what a blessing belonging to something like that is. To know that no matter how good or not they are, they are all a part of something. They all make music. My son is only four but he has expressed interest. He can keep the beat! Now if he does, that's up to him just like it was my daughter.

Myself, as a now band parent part of Band Boosters, I can do more for my children than what was done for me. That I can show them through all the struggles, the darkness, the wars within my own soul, that I found something I can love doing. That I found something meaningful, joyful and it requires no words. That they can take this music world, either by band, orchestra, choir, whatever it is, and they can enjoy that.That I can make as many competitions and concerts as possible, and no matter how they score or do, I can cheer them on, and do it loud! Louder than a trumpet can play!

The medical world may be much of what I talk about but music is the other. It's not a matter so much of playing well, it's playing with passion, no matter what instrument you play.

Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~