Fallen and Risen for Battle

It's a battle. Good Lord, it's a battle.....

I first heard Audiomachine yesterday. This was the song I heard first. Wow... Just wow... No words are needed yet when I listened to that, It's like I can feel my soul rise up and look up, ready for battle. Other songs make you feel the mourning that whichever song implies. I would love to buy all of their albums and play their music straight through. I had a friend years ago introduce me to Enigma but these guys are better I think.

Much of that reminds me of the journey I'm on. Days I have fallen, wounded in battle, not sure if I will die or not, my heart ripped open and bleeding... Other days when I know the monster is just outside my door and I am pumped for battle, I have risen, ready to slay the beast, no matter how big and bad it is. There are other days when I am terrified of what awaits me, what will breathe down my neck that day, what monster is waiting to devour my very soul. The battle of titans, two worlds at war within.

Image: "Battle of Titans", by Prolian
DeviantArt.

Yet as much as sometimes I hate fighting monsters, I remember that within me is a dragon willing to fiercely fight and protect what is most dear to me. With God by my side, nothing can defeat me. It may knock me down, I may be wounded but I will not be defeated!

http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/dragons/images/21763327/title/ice-dragon-wallpaper

"When there is no dawn, when darkness has prevailed over the light, when you lose your hope. Only then, hope can be born again. Only from the ashes, hope can rise again. The Light always shines brightest in the bleakest Darkness. When the times comes, you will know there is something in you that you haven't discovered yet. You will feel like a ball of energy is trying to leave your chest. A power that you have yet to unlock. When the time comes that you are ready, believe it. You have much more in you than you ever imagined. The fire of a thousands suns is waiting to unleash their power from inside you. When the times comes, let your eternal flame burn like a million suns. Let your power lead you to the suns..."
~Silent Watcher quotes ~

The night may be war but the ashes and smoke that is revealed at dawn is not just a display of the destruction but of what can be recreated, reborn. Hope can be reborn. What matters is what you see, and how you see it, and most importantly, what you do because of it.

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"Remember, heroes, fear is your greatest enemy in these befouled halls. Steel your heart and your soul will shine brighter than a thousand suns. The enemy will falter at the sight of you. They will fall as the light of righteousness envelops them!"

Hope is never lost until you are dead.

Remember that. May I remember that too, no matter what kind of day it is. Today is an IEP meeting and I hope it goes well. Next week, will be my dragon to slay...

You know you like a shirt with its message and symbolism when you get it way big and wash on hot to try to shrink..... On purpose!
Purple for chiari, lavender for craniofacial along with the butterflies. Reminder to enjoy the journey, even if some days you fight to find the joy..... Even as big as this shirt will be, I will still wear it on the MRI day next week.... No matter what news we get from it...

May I go into battle each day hoping for a win but also being prepared for whatever comes. Whatever God's will for me is... So be it.... When I fall on some days, no matter how wounded, may I never forget to rise back up and bravely fight again, no matter what.

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FIGHT ON!!!

Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~

Silenced, Broken

Read the whole post, you will see where this is going.

"And all that she hopes is for someone to love her. Truly love her. She hopes that someone will stick around. Because everyone else walked away from her. And each time it happened, they took away a piece of her soul. They continued their happy lives and she was slowly dying. No one noticed because they all left." "And I guess I'm just a mess and maybe I'm just lonely or just bitter but I know my head's a storm and my chest is empty."

“People grow when they are loved well. If you want to help others heal, love them without an agenda.”
— Mike McHargue"



Learning that people ever want to hear happy stuff, nothing more, nothing less. Well, for many, less is better anyway. Goodbye is easier than regrets when it comes to people and also fears, worries, and any simile to that, should just be kept quiet. All talking about that does is chase people away. "One by one, people started leaving." And really, It slowly doesn't even matter anymore....

Most who ask how you are doing or what's going on in life only expects and wants a BS answer anyway. Real life here, not just Facebook. Worse in real life. Keep the happy face on and keep anything else buried. Got it! That's the mentality people expect.... I am burned, I am silenced. Just like before, I have been here before. It's not fun. Between our medical journey, and drama within families/friends, do you ever struggle with feeling like nobody wants to hear it? Nobody wants to see you? Nobody asks how things are going because they really don't care or are afraid of finding out the truth? I can't even talk to a select few about my thoughts and feelings even now without just being ignored. Silenced. Invisible, dead to them. It's like I don't exist.

Some days I get tired of talking knowing I am not being heard. Am I that easy to replace or was I just easy to forget?  I get tired of trying when it's all in vain. The lingering emptiness where my heart was supposed to be is full of shattered glass.


I'm over this
I'm tired of living in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling's gone
There's nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I know
You've stripped me down, the layers fall like rain
It's over now, just innocence and instinct still remain
You watched me while I slowly disappeared
I reached for you to save me, you were frozen in your fear
I'm breaking, I can't do this on my own
Can you hear me screaming out?
Am I all alone?

Take it all away

I'm here again
A thousand miles away from you
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way

Then I see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole

Yet God comes to me in my brokenness and says, "I am here." My pieces, all laid out, broken, shattered, jagged, piercing, bleeding, wounded, and even though I am alone in a dark, lonely world, God is taking the glue and trying to make me into what He wants of me.

This molding hurts though, I'll say that..... I wish I could be changed without people walking away from me, leaving me alone to do this. I wish I could do this with more courage and confidence.... Some days I have it, today I do not.

Even while being burned though, new arises. So maybe things need to burn down within me for new to be created. The ashes of the past create new.

Maybe it's time to say goodbye to many who say they will stand with me no matter what and have proven otherwise. God is ultimately the only one who will be there till the end anyway..... Truthfully, that's what makes it so hard to let God have control over things, because so much is out of control, or at least the pieces I see are. That's what hurts though, even those that hurt you intentionally or not, at least are people around you. When you lose them, then it is when you see that you are standing alone... Maybe it's time to see that even those you thought would stand with you, weather the storm with you, truly have fled. Deep down, you knew in your heart they would anyway..... Because it always happens, it always has been just that. Your life. You learned early on that broken promises is what life is.

The world is a sea of faces, so many lost into their own lives that they forget anyone is around. That's what creates a cold, lonely world. A world without God is just that.

What Dreams May Come

The question is, are we going to live life as if this life is truly hell or are we going to try to make the best of it? As bruised, hurt and broken as I am some days, all I can do is pick myself back up and keep walking. No matter how dark or light it is.

Even Jesus prayed in the dark, afraid.....

Passion of the Christ

Blessings!

~ Special Momma ~

The Kraken

"Well, if you believe such things, there's a beast does the bidding of Davy Jones. A fearsome creature with giant tentacles that'll suction your face clean off, and drag an entire ship down to the crushing darkness. The Kraken. They say the stench of its breath is...(shudders) Imagine, the last thing you know on God's green earth is the roar of the Kraken and the reeking odor of a thousand rotting corpses. If you believe such things."
    ―Joshamee Gibbs to Will Turner (Pirates of the Caribbean 2)

Okay, you know you see the Pirates movies too often when you read that with the exact voice that Kevin McNalley uses! Ha!


The closer the time comes for me to head to Dallas with my son, the more I am fighting the tentacles from creeping up me and choking the life out of me..... I mentioned in my Bible Study last night that and the Kraken got brought up. Yeah! Like that..... The scene in Pirates 2 where the Kraken's tentacles are just slithering up the side of a ship, just about to attack and destroy. That's the feeling.

For me it's such a fight to keep the beast tamed. Too keep it in the depths where it belongs, not crawling all over me, trying to choke me with anxiety..... That's the beast within my head.... In reality, physical life, I have my children's diagnoses to contend with. Especially right now my son's..... To be honest, it terrifies me what might show up on his MRI in two weeks.... I can already see the EOB's filling up the mailbox now and the fights to get primary and Medicaid to cover it all....


God sees the Kraken like this though. May I someday see it better like that....

That's really a baby octopus but same concept.

"But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31 (ESV)

"The common phrase that good things come to those who wait might have been written by a Christian. Truth is that our flesh wants the here and now, but our spirit knows that waiting on the Lord is the best policy. It is an ongoing tension and struggle that I wrestle with daily. I cannot say that I have perfectly mastered the art of waiting (not sure I even reach a C-average), but I do know that I am a bit better today than I was yesterday. May I encourage you to not aim for perfect waiting, but just wait a bit more on the Lord today than you did yesterday. Read one more verse, pray for one more moment, meditate on Scripture on more minute or enjoy the sunset while thinking of our Creator. Wait on the Lord and let Him provide the eagles' wings you need for today.

Lord, thank You for the promise that You are near, that You provide strength, and that You are for me and not against me. Help me, by Your Spirit, to slow down, to rest and to wait on You. I am often surrounded by swirling storms and far too often I attempt to navigate them on my own. Remind me daily to look to You and to wait on You - only then will I have the peace and assurance I need to see You daily in my life. Amen!"
Excerpt from HERE

Margaret Feinberg asks though, "What if God? But if not..." We have to surrender our burden, fear, worry.... Our cross to God.

"What if God ___ is healed/fixed/found
But if not God, I will persevere through your will."

Joy isn't happiness... It is peace. Or at least that's how I feel about it.....

I pray for peace amidst the Kraken of anxiety and worry trying to choke me.... God will not let me go. God has allowed me to be someone with special needs children and so I'm going to be the best one I can be. I pray for peace and sometimes duct tape for my mouth over things that I feel the need to speak about, to vent, to whatever.... May I learn contentment (Working on it) as I continue this journey, often alone.....

May I keep my mind, my eyes, my heart fixed on God in the midst of the hurricane winds of the storm.....

May I find joy in even the little things.... Like laughing over my doggone tablet when I started this post trying to auto-correct tentacles into something else entirely!!! (Yeah.....)


Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~

The road less traveled: grief, doubt and regrets

Through the blackest night, morning gently tiptoes, feeling its way to dawn. 

~Robert Brault

Ever feel like your journey feels like an eternal winding road? Sometimes when you look back you can see the mountains and valleys behind you and know what they were from or when. Yet even though it's the past, it's still with you. Think on it enough and you sometimes wonder how things would be had you chosen a different direction at each fork in the road then what you did. Yet also imagining life had you done that and how different it would be from what reality is. That's where my thoughts are. Not that I have regrets in this journey (Though there are some.....) it's just I wonder sometimes where would we be? Yet it also makes me see the path ahead and it's like it's fog covered.....

Grief we often think of death but not always.

I heard the story about a 12 year old girl who died recently. I can't get her out of my head..... Her story hits way too close to home.. I heard about it on Facebook. She was fine one day and then within a short time, she was gone. Chiari is a silent monster..... Yet her chiari was "mild" too like my son's is.... I keep thinking about my son's central apnea and fearing the worst that one day I'll wake up and he won't..... I know how paranoid it sounds but I'll say this: That is one monster I fight. Just one of them. I fight to silence it, to tame it. To keep it quiet because many of us have the same fear, the same nightmare. Yet for this family, it's no longer a nightmare. It's a reality..... It hits close to home for many..... Devastating it is.... Yet as my mentor mom showed me, she had 12 years. Yet her story continues to have a ripple effect.


Death we see as the finale. The end. Al Fine. Yet it is really just the beginning. For those that pass, eternity is just starting. Those of us left behind grieve but also remember. In the loss if this precious child, her story has gone viral and more are learning about the silent beast named, Chiari. She has gone viral, even through her loss, her family's tragedy...... Death isn't in vain but if we live without living, loving, forgiving, cherishing, laughter, and more, then we ourselves have already died inside.

“Love never disappears for death is a non-event.
I have merely retired to the room next door.
You and I are the same; what we were for each other, we still are.
Speak to me as you always have, do not use a different tone, do not be sad.
Continue to laugh at what made us laugh.
Smile and think of me.
Life means what it has always meant.
The link is not severed.
Why should I be out of your soul if I am out of your sight?
I will wait for you, I am not here, but just on the other side of this path.
You see, all is well.”
~St. Augustine ~

I saw that poem on Mommies of Miracles this morning. You walk the journey thinking that "Yeah, my child(ren) have some issues but overall things are okay so nothing this drastic will happen." Then it does to someone.... It goes to prove that none of us know how long we all have left.

Our pastor Sunday was preaching about facing death. We all grieve for those lost here. Yet we set our sights to the future. We don't look back to our best days, we look forward. Live on Forever is a totally favorite song. We will someday have new bodies. I hope mine is a size 8 again without all the flaws. ;) My daughter asked me recently if P.O.D and Sonny Sandoval will be "rocking out" in heaven. "But mom, Colton asked if the angels would do We Will Rock You so P.O.D can be in Heaven too right?" (Heaven is for real)
Our pastor and I got a good chuckle out of that. My daughter has met and hung out with P.O.D twice now. They stayed updated on her during her last surgery and the issues before and after.... She talks about them all the time still. Good within the bad.

In all seriousness....

Grief also hits in other ways. We grieve what "Could have been" "Should have been" "If only...." "What if....." "Why me?"
Oh my word, the list can go on and on.....

You notice most of the time when thoughts flood your mind, it's at night and or really early in the morning when everyone else is sleeping? It is also at night that you also think of how far you have come and too how far there is to go..... Though I also remember that it is at night that the stars shine through the darkness and into us. It is also at night that more often then not, there are others on their own journeys that are looking at the moon and the same stars as you. Sometimes with tears, sometimes with thankfulness and sometimes with sadness and other times being overwhelmed. We still look to the sky with at least a little hope that no matter how good or bad, we still have some hope in better times ahead

The journey so often leaves bruises, scars and other marks upon us. Yet those marks define us, they mold us and they make us. It's our survival marks I call them. It proves we survived whatever tried to beat us.

We can get so caught up in grief and anger over what is or what isn't. Really..... We can't stay in that though.....

When we were growing up, we didn't imagine parenthood like this. We imagined a handsome/gorgeous spouse, two or three kids, big house, fancy car, etc. Life like the Jones's. As we got older, our realities and fantasies changed. I didn't dream that I would get children with medical issues. However, nights like last night (Not after my son went to bed and cried off and on till midnight....) but before that.
Watching my two children chase each other laughing and giggling. My not quite two year old son running up to me looking up so I would tickle his neck and run off giggling just to come back for more.


Soon after my son's first surgery, seeing my two holding each other. Cherishing a memory. Not dwelling on what was just done but on who is there.

I think that's what this is really about. Cherished memories, no matter what the future holds.... Take the time to grieve Italy but please don't miss the joys Holland has to offer. Especially don't lose that time to cherish the joys if time is truly limited.....
Go out and makes dreams and wishes happen. Even if they seem impossible... The answer is no till you try.


To my children:
"If before you were born, I could have gone to heaven and saw all the beautiful souls,
I still would have chosen you...
If God had told me, "This soul would one day need extra care and needs,"
I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me, "This soul may make your heart bleed,"
I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me, "This soul would make you question the depth of your faith,"
I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me "This soul would make tears flow from your eyes that could fill a river,"
I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me "This soul may one day make you witness overbearing suffering,"
I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me, "All that you know to be normal would drastically change,"
I still would have chosen you...
Of course, even though I would have chosen you,I know it was God who chose me for you."

-Terri Banish

"Hope is the anchor of the soul."
~ Unknown ~

Hold onto HOPE.... No matter what happens..... Never lose HOPE.

Love,
~ Special Momma ~



Jesus Calling:
"Leave outcomes up to me. Follow Me where I lead, without worrying about how it will all turn out. Think of your life as an adventure, with Me as your Guide and Companion. Live in the now concentrating on staying in step with Me. When our path leads to a cliff, be willing to climb it with My help. When we come to a resting place, take time to be refreshed in My Presence. Enjoy the rhythm of life lived close to me.
You already know the ultimate destination of your journey: your entrance into heaven. So keep your focus on the path just before you, leaving outcomes up to Me.
Psalm 27:13
Exodus 15:13"

Rejoice When It Makes No Sense

I have been doing the study, Fight Back With Joy for a few weeks now. The lesson on day one, session four is just what I titled this post with.

The question asked was: How do you rejoice when it doesn't make any sense? The Answer:
One square inch at a time!

Joey and Rory, you may have heard of them. Joey is dying from cancer. Yet she fought with joy. They have a daughter named Indiana. The pictures they share are the sweetest. Indiana is now two. Joey recently entered "final sleep" where she is still alive here but won't wake up till her first breath in Heaven.

Their story is heartbreaking but they are also showing that every single square inch provides an opportunity to bring God glory.

There are days in this journey we are leaping and bounding in joy and excitement. Other days, we feel we are lucky to progress a millimeter ahead.... Joy though isn't happiness like most think it is. Even I had to learn that. Often days can feel like this ____---|_--_-___|____-_____----|----. Constant ups and downs with brick walls.

Even in my journey with my kids, I get paralyzed by fear, worry and anxiety.... "What will the next MRI show? Why these results on the sleep study? What are we going to do about it? They better do things the right way or else! What if the migraines don't get better? What if they are something more sinister that requires surgery again? Is it really a tummy bug or is there pressure on the brain again? What will neuropsych say this time? How will the next IEP meeting go? Will they do the modifications needed?" On and on and on we can go......


So what is joy?
"Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right, and the determined choice to praise God in all things." ~ Kay Warren ~
We are not called to rejoice everything, we are called to rejoice IN all things. We become what we proclaim. YOU have to proclaim that the darkness, the storm, the desert will NOT win! Even on the worst of days, God is still in control. So hard to remember sometimes but He is.

Pray for springs in the desert. I have lacked badly in keeping up with reading it but I do have Streams in the Desert. Such good devotionals in there...

How do you do that?

I love how Margret put it in day two. "God will use this diagnosis to refine me, but I refuse to allow this disease to define me!" She's a breast cancer survivor. There was a day she described how she was really struggling. "I sensed the Holy Spirit whisper, 'Margaret, you can choose to hold onto the adversity you're facing or you can choose to hold onto God.' Only one was going to carry me through."

She also shares how that day she was writing that lesson how she looked at the calendar and cringed. We do that don't we? We dread the appointments ahead or worse, fear them.... (GUILTY!!!) She realized she was feeling like the victim. She decided than instead of giving into feeling powerless, she prayed. Instead of dread, she focused on what divine expectation was to come.
Some days remembering this focus is like climbing a 80 degree incline....

God's provision is better than any problem. Instead of being paralyzed, get up and walk. Crisis, hardship and loss can become opportunities for growth if we respond well.

I am so guilty of not doing just that too often..... I needed this post more for myself honestly....


Margaret's last words in day two was:
"My prayer is that you will continue to fight back with joy and refuse to give in to helplessness or powerlessness. Remember, our God is mighty to save and longs to heal you. He is with you and for you - even in this. (Whatever your storm is) What has happened to you does not have to define you. Instead it can refine you to become more like Jesus."

We are VICTORS not VICTIMS!

When we walk together but alone, it can impact how we view things too. Such a struggle some days to not feel alone..... I mean totally alone.... When we feel like that, that's when the worst thoughts about ourselves and or our lives invade. I mean a full on invasion! We have to fight that! We have to know where those lies are coming from..... So not easy sometimes to pick ourselves up though is it? We know we really aren't alone in our journey but getting our hearts and minds to be on the same page seems almost impossible sometimes.

I have heard it said that the farthest distance to ever travel is the 18 inches from your head to your heart and vice versa.

We were asked last night in class what were some of the untruths we have heard from others.
I encourage you to at least think about those if not share them in the comments here. Share the untruth and then share the truth. Blot out that darkness with light! One I was told was, "You should have never had your son because you will always have defective children."

I'm sorry but I don't see them defective. I see them as conquers. AND SO ARE YOU! 


Our enemy doesn't just plant seeds of untruth into our hearts, he does it in the coldest, cruelest ways possible.


What we need to do is fight back with joy and remember the TRUTH. We are all God's creation. God doesn't make junk, even if the world doesn't see it.

Margaret further talks about the Velveteen Rabbit.
How often do we feel like we are tossed aside, alone, ignored? I feel that often, sadly....

http://redefineyourreality.com/blog/velveteen-rabbit/

“Real isn’t how you are made…” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand…”

May I remember this the next time I need picked up.... May all of us. May we remember this about our special gems and ourselves.... The world may not see us in this light but God does. That's really all that matters.....

May my focus not be on dreading the next appointment or phone call.... May my focus be on not missing the little joy bombs that are around me. The smiles on my children's faces, The giggles, the story telling, the drawings.... May I focus on that. May I focus on what God wants me to focus on.... Not the fear, worry and anxiety that seems to always want to loom over my head....

Psalm 139:14-16

I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.
Our Lord will have the ultimate victory. We will not be here forever. Heaven we will be forevermore. Amen?


How many can we lead to victory in the meantime? Our journey is ours to embrace and triumph. Not to say we don't have the bad days. Oh my we do...... I pray we all keep going forward though no matter what we are having to walk into....... 

We shall overcome!

"Every high thing must come down. Every stronghold shall be broken. You wear the Victor's Crown! You will overcome, you will overcome!"

AMEN!
~ Special Momma ~

What I would tell you

After doing some thinking and talking about my son's sleep study results, I got inspired to write this. You may share as much as you wish. Comment if you think things could be constructively added and I'll add them.


I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable,
but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.

~Agatha Christie ~

What I would tell you: Goodness, I can go so far and wide with this.... I prayed over this post.... I'm going to type till there is nothing left to say so this may be a long one.

First thing I will say before I share all of this: There is a set of sayings at my daughter's school that they are all learning to abide by. One of them says,


Seek first to understand than to be understood.

What I wish I could tell doctors and nurses:
Thank you for all you do and the hours you put in not just at "work" but outside of work too. Thank you for saving our children and for giving them the best life possible. I have one request though. Remember, they are our children and not just your patient that you see a thousand like us. What you may be used to seeing, we are not. What we see as not normal or borderline worrisome is something that we fret over or want answers for. Please don't look at us as paranoid or crazy or impatient. Be on our side, look at it from where we are, right here, right now. As hard as that can sometimes be, please remember, they are our children. When you say that something "isn't that bad" makes us feel inferior or worse, paranoid. It's bad enough to be brought up isn't it? Then please understand where we are when we seek answers to our questions and patiently help us understand your point of view as well as try to understand ours.


What I wish I could tell other parents:
First of all, really we are all the same. I don't see the need for cliques, competitions over who's kids are the best, who's house looks perfect or any of that. That's rubbish. What I see is we are all parents who have kids with different personalities, needs and abilities. We are not from different worlds, we are all from the same. Teach your children that as well. They have the same wishes and desires as my children do. To be respected, heard and most of all, loved.


What I wish I could tell parents like me:
If we want equal rights for our children, kindness goes a long way. Being defensive won't get us what we want. We need to be warriors and advocates but we need to be tactful too. Be what we need to be for our special gems, allow them to shine. Use sandpaper to make things shiny and smooth, not to destroy. I must accept that my children have struggles that others don't. I must accept my own shortcomings. I must accept that life is what it is. I must accept that I can and HAVE found the good in the bad. Don't live with regrets with your special and rare gems moms and dads. Cherish them, polish them and let the glorifying Light shine through them. The rays of light from our gems will shine toward anyone willing to cherish our gems for just what they are. Rare, valuable gems. On the days when all is falling apart, remember nothing is over. The story isn't over. Even if life doesn't go our way, maybe God's way really is better. I just wish my crystal ball worked. lol Don't ever get bitter either. Stay out of that because bitterness doesn't just affect you, it affects your children and everyone around you.



What I wish I could tell other children:
My children want the same things as you. We are not from different worlds, we are all from the same. You have the same wishes and desires as my children do. To be respected, heard and most of all, loved. Do not ever let a disability, race, gender or anything else stand in the way of feeling loved.


What I wish I could tell teachers and schools:
Anybody who teaches a child is a teacher. No matter what age. Thank you for the years and hours you put in to teach my children. Thank you for stepping up and helping to bring up the next generation. I have a few things to say though too. To the school district and teachers: My child is not a statistic. Put the ABLED back in disabled. Follow the IEP as written without cutting corners. That's what federal money is for. On the flip side, thank you for having our children in your schools but don't sacrifice their education just because it's harder to teach them. Include us in what is going on at school. Put cameras in classrooms so if there are issues that need addressed, they can be. Most of all, implement the "Bullying isn't tolerated" mentality. Don't just say it, DO IT!  Back to teachers: Don't lose your focus. Don't get so overwhelmed that you give up. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Your students won't remember most assignments, what period they had you and sometimes not remember what grade they had you. What they will remember is how you showed them love and patience.
Sometimes teachers, you are the only light a child has in their life. 


What I would tell my children:
God made you! No matter what the world says, remember that. You are a rare gem that is meant to shine in your own way. The way I see it, all of the rare gems are rare because they are the most precious. They were created differently and therefore are cherished more. The light that radiates out of you is different of that the world shows. Be different! Be you! Be kind and loving to those around you. Stand tall and proud. Do your best and NEVER give up!



What I would tell myself:
You really are not alone, even when you often feel it. Controlling and or micromanaging everything won't fix everything the way you want it or wish it. If something happens, don't blame yourself. Know you did your best with what you had. The rest is up to God. God is in control and pray to Him that your heart will be receptive to His wishes and desires not just for you and your husband but your children too. Remember the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely
happy with you forever in the next.

Amen



What I would tell God:
You are an awesome God. Thank you for all we have in this world. Thank you for my husband and my children. Lord, teach me, mold me the way you desire me to be. Open my eyes and my heart to Your will, not mine. Lord I pray that I learn and gain wisdom and seek your guidance in everything I do. Lord heal my heart of it's wounds and battle scars. Reassure me that I am not a failure and that my family knows I love them. Help me teach my children to fight for what is right and what they need but also be firm yet in Your will. Even though I don't understand now, someday I will. Even though my heart carries anxiety and fear of the future, YOU hold the future! Even though I don't know what your plan is, you can make beauty from ashes.

I think I'm typed out for the day now. Now that I'm a little emotional too after writing that last part....

Please most of all, don't lose your focus beloved readers.

Don't lose your focus. Life really is about learning to dance in the rain. Dance to the cha-cha! ;)  Life may be a cha-cha but I sure wish calories were burned during this dance.... I would quickly be the jeans size I was in high school! Amen?


Hope is a vital part of this journey. It is what helps you get up in the morning, move forward. Without hope, you can't hand your baby over to the paramedics, the surgeon, the nurse. Hope is why you do therapies, medications, appointments.

Tough times never last, but strong people do.
~ Robert H. Schuller ~
Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~