This post was born due to reading this yesterday.
A mom I know shared it on Facebook. Maybe I shouldn't have but I replied with, "The same should go for special needs families. I think like the article said, too many have blinders on and have forgotten what we are all called to do and that is to take care of the village, no matter what, no matter who is in it and no matter social or financial status of those in that village."
So why don't we?
One part really resonated. "“Has anyone brought you a meal or asked to watch the kids to give you a break?” “No”, she said. “But plenty of people tell me they are praying for me." Where was the church body in this? The body of Christ? The Village? Why was it in a church full of young families, constant play dates, and VBS, this family was receiving no support from the church body?"
The page had more, it gave ideas for people within the church to reach out to those who have foster kids. It said the village (church/community) had a job to take in orphans or care for those who have orphans, no matter how long it lasts. It also mentioned sending your kids over to play with the kids who are in foster care. Sign up for meals and bring a meal at least once a month, offer to clean a room in the house for the caretakers, and more.
I love these ideas! Now, how can we incorporate that beyond just foster care?
"I got no clue what you are going through but I wish I could help." Words that people need to say more to those around them. ASK how you could help those around you. I'd wager 9/10 you will get taken up on that offer for something! That goes for ANY family in need. Foster, special needs, grieving, etc.
There is a need beyond just foster care that's not being addressed. Many in those families suffer badly too.
Special needs families. Let's start there..... Now "special needs" is very broad, yet it all means that the family has one or more children who are not considered "normal". That can be anything from a family dealing with dyslexia, ADHD, asthma, diabetes all the way to wheelchair, vent dependent, on hospice, life support, and so much more... It would take me a year to list everything and then I would still miss stuff.
Okay so what about families who lost their main breadwinner. Either through death, lay-off, fired, divorced, whatever. Do you realize how much that changes their world? What they fear and face? Would you help them? Why or why not? Would you help them for a day? Week? Month? Six months? Would you cut them off at a given point, no matter the reason help is needed?
Now what about a homeless person on the street? Would you help them? Would you lead them to getting back on their feet? Would you serve food to them? Would you sit down with them and find out their story?
Why or why not? Is it because after a while, you would think they were leeching? Using you? Using the church? Using whomever? Abusing the system? Making people pity them? Using their storms to take advantage of others or receive pity parties?
That's beside the point though. Really! Don't believe me? See this.
"The inconvenient reality of compassion: While discussing James 2 this morning in life group, the issue of poverty and "the poor" came up. There was some comparison of the poor here to the poor around the world, and the assertion that many American poor are that way, to some extent, by their own choosing, or purposely as a way to "game the system" (is that a phrase?). It's hard to want to help and show compassion to people who put themselves in a position of need. But if we're going to claim Christianity, and show the love of Christ to the world, then their needs and what we can do to help should be the only two points of interest. How they got where they are, or their attitude towards our help, or their willingness to change their ways don't matter. The love of Jesus is unconditional towards us. We didn't earn what He freely gave us, we often don't show gratitude for our salvation, and we chose, and continue to choose actions (sin) which require Help that we can't provide for ourselves. It's a good thing that when God looks down at us, living our lives marred by sin, and disgusting compared to His holiness, that He doesn't roll His eyes and shake His head, like we're some bum with a cardboard sign. Because we are all about as worthy of Salvation as the bum on the side of the road is entitled to my help. That's Christianity; helping BECAUSE it's needed, and not worrying about WHY it's needed. And that is a very inconvenient idea, especially in our Americanized church""
Do we treat these kids and their families like they are in the village? All the time? Sometimes? Not at all? What if you don't like someone in that village? Don't like what they say? Don't like what they post? Don't like what they wear? Get the point?
In all reality...................
It doesn't matter!
It doesn't matter!
If we are going to claim to follow Christ, then none of those differences SHOULD matter. Yet then why does it?
And before you get your feelings hurt, I am not writing this because of our storm. My storm right now only highlights it. It's an example of how we all lie to ourselves that we will all be that village that helps each other.
If we were then why do we categorize each other? Why do we label others? Why do we help some but not others? I've brought this up on Facebook before and usually got lectured for it but I think it's a legitimate question. How come is it that when families are in need of prayer, (No matter the reason!) some get a ton of support, profile pics changed, money raised, clusters of prayer time, long term support, etc. Yet there are other families out there largely ignored, even though they have the same needs..... Is it all just a popularity contest? The more popular gets the greater support?
When I have raised this question in the past, I have been told several answers (opinions). It's because your kids aren't sick enough. It's because you have ongoing. It's because they look healthy. It's because you chose to have special needs kids. I just need to be thankful I have people that pray for us at all. I just need to shut up and mind my own. And more.
So let me ask this:
. Who would you rather greet on Sunday morning? The man in a suit and tie, spit shine clean or the man in rags and filthy?
. Would you show more compassion to? The child on the street begging or the old woman?
. Who would you help more? The mom with a bunch of kids or the mom who leads in the church?
Now be honest here, what were your first impulse answers? I could give more examples but I think I made my point. Would you welcome all of them in or just some of them? Would you welcome them into your Bible Study class? Would you encourage those friends with you to welcome people no matter what? Or would you see what everyone else does and then sit and snicker at them because they don't look or act like YOU think they should?
I know people who have left church because of this..... It's heartbreaking really. Yet what will we do about it?
I decided to Google "What are the main reasons people leave church?" Here is what I found.
.“The pastor did not feed me. (Spiritually)”
.“No one from my church visited me.”
.“I was out two weeks and no one called me.”
."I have been out for a few months sick and nobody has said a word to me."
."The pastor and elders avoid me."
."A church that I used to go to would always tell me to “get over it”, “that’s your problem, or “you need to be more forgiving”. To me, those are valid reasons for leaving a church."
."I was seeing where the storm I was in, I had no support from anyone. Though at the same time, another person had a less severe storm and everyone flocked to her."
."Loveless, uncaring, control freaks are what people are leaving."
."It feels to me that people are so busy “doing church” that they are losing the concept of “love” in the church. You hear things like, “We want to increase the membership, spread the gospel…” There are so many reasons why church growth is sought after, and I agree people should come in, and hear the word, grow, learn, share… But, too many churches are just adding to the numbers."
."When a number of churches have a majority of cold, formal and distant member within a 90% range, we have a serious problem. Yet such a problem is ot addressed over the pulpit because “nobody wants to be criticized or ‘told’ what to do”. And more often than, men like myself are blamed instead of the church saying “The problem is not with him but is with US.”"
."The church does not want to look at the wrong thing they’re doing. If you even disagree a little they rather kick you out instead of investigating what is really going on."
."When my mom died and no one really did anything, I knew that this was not the family I wanted. The church itself is an exclusive Country Club and that is why people leave. When I have a real problem, I stay away from church. Church should be the first place I go. But instead of getting loving concern or living water, I get self- righteous filthy rags filled with dirty water."
And so much more....... OUCH!!!!
The words from Dr. Steve McSwain shares,
"Bill Gates once said, “The most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.”
If that is true, why are most evangelicals and fundamentalist Christians quick to say, “Those leaving the church are just not committed to Christ.” Or, worse, to quote the words of Thom Rainer, CEO of Lifeway Christian Resources, “I would therefore suggest that the main reason people leave a church is because they have an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality.”
Really? “Entitlement Mentality?”
If a company like Microsoft were to adopt such logic to explain declining sales or why fewer and fewer were buying its product, you don’t have to be a Bill Gates to figure out what future Microsoft would have.
If your “most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning,” wouldn’t it be more humble, even more Christ-like, for churches and church leaders to ask, “Might there be something wrong with us?”"
Now this isn't talking of the "feel good" or the "If you are saved, life here will be perfect and you will prosper" NO! People want real. They want the truth. They want the truth in love. They want love, compassion, understanding, equality despite social classes, LOVE AND SUPPORT FROM MEMBERS!
Sheep often leave the fold because they are being abused and starved!
"When someone is hurting, absent, or in a dark place in their lives; how much effort does it take to acknowledge or maybe even appoint someone to just offer a word of encouragement. Many pastors, department heads don’t want to invest in the lives beyond their formal assignment. They often complete their assigned task, and they keep it moving. It’s the churches that completely ignore or perhaps even desert people in crisis that I see no evidence that Jesus is their driving force. If Jesus shared the parable of 1-lost sheep, or coin that was sought after, who are we that we can’t stop and at least consider our brother or sister in times of need?" ~Unknown ~
Did Jesus teach "Only be around those who have it all together" "Only talk to those who aren't "one of those" people." "Only help those that you want to help, not the mom over here who brought it on herself." "Only help the popular person with a life-threatening illness, not this family here who just lost everything." "Only help this rich person get back on their feet, not the poor person here who lives on government aid." "Only help those who help themselves."
You get the idea. So what did Jesus SAY to be like? Let's get into that.
If Jesus did what the "church" (Pharisees) then taught, he would have NEVER been near the Samaritans let alone TALKED to one! That was the law back then. Anyone who was not a Jew, had an illness like leprosy, and much more were outcasts, they were rejected, often left to suffer and die if they needed any sort of help.
The Jews and Samaritans had been enemies for hundreds of years. The Jews of Jesus' society considered the Samaritans to be unclean, socially outcast, religious heretics. (ouch!) Do we look at anyone like that? Be real now...
Jesus taught MUCH different! They hated him for it too! That's why they wanted to kill him. Doesn't sound very God like to me! Yet they claimed they were OF God and obeyed all the laws.
First off, love God then the second was love your neighbor as yourself. Verse here Well, who is your neighbor?
ANYBODY NOT YOU!
So what does "Love thy neighbor" really mean? Let's look at that. Now honestly we should not exclude anyone or any group because of social status, a supposed character fault, religious difference, racial difference, ethnic difference, citizenship difference, etc. Right?
"Jesus is quoting here from Leviticus 19. Let’s look at its context:
“When you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not wholly reap the corners of your field, nor shall you gather the gleanings of your harvest. And you shall not glean your vineyard, nor shall you gather every grape of your vineyard; you shall leave them for the poor and the stranger: I am the LORD your God. You shall not steal, nor deal falsely, nor lie to one another. And you shall not swear by My name falsely, nor shall you profane the name of your God: I am the LORD. You shall not cheat your neighbor, nor rob him. The wages of him who is hired shall not remain with you all night until morning. You shall not curse the deaf, nor put a stumbling block before the blind, but shall fear your God: I am the LORD. You shall do no injustice in judgment. You shall not be partial to the poor, nor honor the person of the mighty. In righteousness you shall judge your neighbor. You shall not go about as a talebearer among your people; nor shall you take a stand against the life of your neighbor: I am the LORD. You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbor, and not bear sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD” (Leviticus 19:9–18).
Notice that loving our neighbor would include sharing with the poor and the alien; compassion and absolute honesty and justice in our relationships with others; impartiality; a refusal to be a party to gossip or slander; an absence of malice toward anyone and a refusal to bear a grudge; taking care never to put another’s life at risk and never taking private vengeance upon another. It is also interesting to note that when we have an issue with anyone, we should strive to make it right by going to him or her directly. James calls this the “royal law” (James 2:8). Our Lord taught that we should do to others as we would have them do to us (Matthew 7:12).
It is a fact that anyone who does not have a personal relationship with God through the Lord Jesus Christ will die in his sins and face eternity in hell. Therefore, we owe it to our neighbors to lovingly share with them the good news of the gospel. True believers have been forgiven, possess eternal life, and have blessings forever as the result of others who have shared the gospel with them. God’s love is evidenced in us as we communicate this precious gospel and love others as we have been loved." source
I also LOVED this. "Does this mean we can't satisfy Jesus' command unless we have abundant wealth to give, or extraordinary talents to serve other? No! It is not how much we give, but the spirit in which we give that counts with God. Each of us is called to give generously of what wealth and talents we have been given - whether it is a little or a lot. Jesus compared a poor widow, who gave only a little, to the wealthy men who gave much more. The wealthy men had only given a token amount from their great wealth. In God's eyes, the widow gave much more because she gave from the heart:
Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything- all she had to live on." (NIV, Mark 12:41-44)" (source)
How else do we show love then? Well, preaching is nice but without action, our words mean dirt. So let's look at that.
Find your neighbor
Seek out someone that God has placed on your heart. Seek out the hurting, the outcasts, the sick... Seek them and love them for who they are, not for who you want them to be. Jesus ate with tax collectors, he talked with prostitutes and spent time with the sick. His reputation was not even a factor. He spent time with them because He loved them unconditionally. We have to put pride and our reputations down at the cross if we want to truly love others. Without this, we do not.
Pray for your enemies
"Pray for those that persecute you!" No matter who hates us or who we do not like or *gasp* feel hate toward, we are required to show them love, no matter what. Show them the grace and mercy that God showed us.
Be legit
People feel love when it is really expressed. Really, though, it needs to come from the heart. Sometimes it is better to do something that says, “I love you” than saying it. Prove you love those around you. Help them! Be there for them! Show them compassion! Be a listening ear! Reserve judgment or opinions unless they are specifically asked for. Show you care. offer to help. Offer to do examples like mentioned earlier in this post.
When we answer our neighbor like we “ought” to, they will be drawn to us. They will notice something different about us if they are not already a believer, and that is what attracts them.
They will feel less alone and isolated in an already tough journey..... People would be much more likely to open up and grow in Christ, the more love they feel, the more compassion and the more cared about, the more they can grow.
A rose can't grow and bloom in soil that is dry. It won't grow nearly as well in soil that isn't nourished. God allows the water, we allow the nourishment. Really God does both but that's not my point here.
How are we to grow as we should if we don't have people there to help us along? How are we to disciple to each other as Christ would, if we do this pecking order of who is more worthy?
Look at it like this:
Often we don't notice someone is hurting or needs help till they are spiritually/emotionally/physically dying. Sometimes it's too late to help them back.... The hurt is done, they have been betrayed, they have been turned away from faith because those they saw who said were Christian, shunned them.... Betrayed them.... Ignored them.... Left them for "dead"
Do you want to be responsible for that? People are lonely and hurting and need Jesus! They need the word of God, NOT entertainment.
Think on that. It really does take a village and that village needs to treat each other as Christ commanded. No labels!
The biggest tragedy we could have is to get to heaven and find out that many of the lost that we could have led to Christ, didn't because of behavior like this.
~ Special Momma ~
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