I've heard this before. A philosophy teacher has a semester final test. The only question on that test is this:
Why?
Here is what I think:
I believe that everything happens for a reason. Either to enlighten you, or to make you take another look at your choices, to either guide you toward something you didn't see or to something you will need to see, or to teach you about where you are headed or to give clarity to what you have already seen and lived. And other times, you are in the wrong place and either those events added to our lives with a little flare or with a lot. Everything falls together in the end....
"Without pain, how could we feel joy? Without regret, how could we cherish pride? Without sadness, there's no use in being happy. Without death, what value is a life lived?"
~ Unknown ~
Though driving home from a Bible Study last night, all that was there was the road, my thoughts and the crescent moon in the sky. (Pic from an old shot where I was not driving.)
Thoughts of where I have been in life, where I am, where I wished I was, where I would possibly be had this or that been different. Not thoughts in regret but more in inquiries. Driving, especially not in traffic my brain just lulls in thoughts. Every trip to and from Dallas especially but to and from Little Rock also really brings it out more.
Two of the recent thoughts I had I will share, either boldly or being foolish.
I've brought this up on Facebook before and usually got lectured for it but I think it's a legitimate question. How come is it that when families are in need of prayer, some get a ton of support, profile pics changed, money raised, clusters of prayer time, long time and term support. Yet there are other families out there largely ignored, even though they have the same needs..... Is it all just a popularity contest? The more popular gets the greater support?
When I have raised this question in the past, I have been told several answers (opinions). It's because your kids aren't sick enough. It's because you have ongoing. It's because they look healthy. It's because you chose to have special needs kids. I just need to be thankful I have people that pray for us at all. And more.
Too many people see my children as a diagnosis, not as who they are as human beings..... Society has soooo much to do with that...
Is that what it's REALLY about?
I wonder if we put so much focus on prayer and action that instead of popularity contests, this would really would be a better place if we quit putting social or economic status on people. Is that why we have so many homeless even in our country because nobody wants to deal with that?
I know the journey will have storms and sunshine, darkness and light, rain and desert, cold and heat. And eventually it will all be over and Heaven will abound with everything good. I wonder if then is where I will get answers to so many of these questions.
Another question I have had before is this: (I know this will step on toes..) How is divorce and remarriage so rampant in society and church overlooked yet sins that man sees as less are that much more criticized? Shouldn't it all be equal like it is to God? Salvation doesn't just give us free reign to do what we want, quite the opposite actually! When I have asked that question, I'm told to quit judging, take the plank out of my eye, (I'm married to the same man first marriage for both of us for almost 13 years now) etc. How is a question judging? I think it's legitimate. There are many more questions like this I have yet I remain silent....
In the end all that will matter is not legalism within any church or sect, it will be if YOU have salvation through Christ. Through that salvation, how many lives will you change? How many will feel love and light from you?
That's the purpose in this blog for me. To share my thoughts, my heart, my stories AND also share light. I don't preach in here, or at least not my intent. This is for me to be real with whomever is reading it. Hopefully to bring words of comfort or light to you in the midst of a storm you or a loved one is in.
You can't have the light shine without some darkness and the light can't be seen as bright without any darkness. A candle shines brighter when surrounded by darkness then it does surrounded by light.
What beauty dwells in the heart of those tortured,
That feel love so deep but hatred stains.
Sadness upon there brow.
Theses tortured once bright.
Will almost never return to the light.
I was lucky.... I was one that came back to the light. Yet sometimes the darkness, the sadness, uncertainty, the thoughts, the questions with no answers, the feelings, the puzzles in life visit. It's in those moments that blog posts are born.
I have been told many times that I need to learn to be quiet, to quit blogging, all I do is chase people away. If that was truly the case then how is it that sharing my story, writing this blog, has helped some people? I blog because that's how I share pieces of my life, thoughts, feelings, my heart. It's where I can share where I am and know somewhere out there, it is helping someone else.
It honestly bothers me that we as a society have come to where we have..... Social media was intended to get people to connect, to know more people. Yet it is the opposite. We as a society are more infatuated with "likes" "friends" and political posts than we are people. We are quick to tell people "hi" but do not want further conversation. We see new people come into a social gathering and pretend they don't exist because we don't want them in our clique. We would rather leave the person who stays at home frequently fighting battles so few know about then to invite them to lunch and risk hearing their real story. We would rather say we are Christian than to really act like one. We would rather just go to church, pretend to listen to the sermon and figure we did our "christian" duty than to really step out on faith and be like Christ REALLY commanded us to be. We would rather be cold or lukewarm......
I think all of us no matter what we believe can agree with this: Society is not what it was when we were children. It is darker, the world is darker, there is much more distance, sadness, sorrow, anger, hate and more in this world than there was even 15 years ago.
YET!
See how it is so dark here? You can see the end but nothing in between. That is life. That darkness is the unknowns in life, the loneliness, the sadness, the uncertainty, the anxiety, the fear, the anger, the depression, the worry, the whatever you want to call it.
Yet this one, once light is shown even briefly, a camera flash, I can see the whole area. The big picture with everything in it.
Eventually answers and reasons will be even clearer than that...... All of the colors will blend together to make the masterpiece. It is sad that those in today's society are so superficial and not even willing to see the world around them. The people around them, the numerous stories just waiting to be told. Mankind would rather paint everyone as gray, than to see the entire spectrum of colors just waiting to be seen and heard.
Will we ever get back to that? To the point where instead of painting those around us with ugly colors, we instead look at them as an blank canvas and start getting to know what all potential that canvas has? Will we see those around us as art, as masterpieces made by the Creator in this world or will we continue to only see the world as fallen and ugly? We may have to live in this fallen world but we choose how we will be to those around us. Not the other way around.
"The man stood over the endless battlefield. His gaze fixed on what was once his best friend, now dead. "Why?" He thought to himself, why indeed. He had no idea what he was fighting for anymore. Why must he lose a precious friend over another rich man's war? He stood there. Heart broken. Why? Because such is the life of a warrior. He will keep fighting until the day he may join his friend honorably."
I found that today. Battlefield to me being life, overall. The dead friend being broken dreams, broken wishes, broken love, broken hopes. Yet the warrior does not give up.
The world needs more peace and humility. Hope will always be somewhere.
Now given history on answers I have seen on that "Why?" question, I would probably fail that exam but now you have heard mine.
I will not quit blogging though. This blog to me is an empty canvas with each post. Each post is it's own unique reason for being written, sometimes even I don't know or see the full potential. Each post is there wiling for someone else to read and be touched by the words given. Each story, each person has a reason and purpose for being shared and heard.
Life is a broken road, with so much potential to find the beauty in the brokenness. Yet so often we instead take it all in and see the ugly instead of the potential. The broken road is harder to navigate on but in being forced to go slower, we can better look around us and see the world around us. If we choose.
The question is: Are we willing to shut up and be still long enough to hear those around us?
"What I see beyond these mountains are just another lonely roads, broken and fixed. But Yet I choose the broken road because no one dares to venture on these unknown strips of broken concretes, I dare because I'm the only one... the only one alone."
~ Unknown ~
I may walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known. I don't know where it goes but I know where it ends. It is home to me, and I walk alone. However in the walk alone, I have also seen many places to stop and share my story, share open arms while they are sobbed in, share my heart to someone who feels like suicide is the answer, share the medical journey to someone just starting. I could go on. It is my road but I am choosing what to do with it. I am choosing what colors to paint it, I don't always have the perfect palate in mind compared to what I am given but once every single canvas comes together, the masterpiece then will all make sense and all the beauty will be seen clearly. Ugly and beautiful colors alike.
~ Special Momma ~
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