A great soul, with a great purpose, can make a weak body strong and keep it so...
~Mark Twain
We view God the closest to how we saw our Earthly father. That's what I have been told.
If that is the case then God should see me as worthless, used, nothing, bad, never doing anything right, etc. I know that's not true but honestly it is a struggle.....
"In my research on rejection, I discovered two core fears that feed a person’s sensitivity to rejection: The fear of being abandoned The fear of losing one’s identity As a little girl, being abandoned and losing my identity weren’t words I would have used. But rejection’s sting was a feeling I knew well. When a man is physically present but emotionally absent, a girl’s heart can feel quite hollow and helpless. This is true whether that man is her father, her husband, or even a man whom she deeply respects."
― Lysa TerKeurst
It wasn't just my father, but most everyone. All but 3 teachers in all my years of school had any faith in me. All of the rest treated me and acted like I was a reject who would get nowhere. For family I was never good enough, I was messed up all the time, I also would most likely not be productive to society, I wasn't smart enough, etc. Up till my senior year of high school, I was completely the social outcast, the reject, the "different" one because I did have a lot of baggage.... As a start.. I won't get onto the subject of physical appearances.
I was unloved, uncherished, rejected, despised, hated, given up on, and more.....
Hence you see why it is sometimes hard for me to keep the faith sometimes, especially when at times it is completely blind? Yet I have to.......
I pray eventually I come to this: "My whole life I’ve searched for a love to satisfy the deepest longings within me to be known, treasured , and wholly accepted. When You created me, Lord, Your very first thought of me made Your heart explode with a love that set You in pursuit of me. Your love for me was so great that You, the God of the whole universe, went on a personal quest to woo me, adore me, and finally grab hold of me with the whisper, “I will never let you go.” Lord, I release my grip on all the things I was holding on to, preventing me from returning Your passionate embrace. I want nothing to hold me but You. So, with breathless wonder, I give You all my faith, all my hope, and all my love. I picture myself carrying the old, torn-out boards that inadequately propped me up and placing them in a pile. This pile contains other things I can remove from me now that my new intimacy-based identity is established. I lay down my need to understand why things happen the way they do. I lay down my fears about others walking away and taking their love with them. I lay down my desire to prove my worth. I lay down my resistance to fully trust Your thoughts, Your ways, and Your plans, Lord. I lay down being so self-consumed in an attempt to protect myself. I lay down my anger, unforgiveness, and stubborn ways that beg me to build walls when I sense hints of rejection. I lay all these things down with my broken boards and ask that Your holy fire consume them until they become weightless ashes. And as I walk away, my soul feels safe. Held. And truly free to finally be me."
― Lysa TerKeurst
As another trip to Dallas fast approaches, many thoughts arise, usually the same ones. My daughter is due for her MRI. She will have to go from 430am till after her MRI at 1230 with nothing to eat nor drink. Clear liquid cutoff is at 8am. I'm used to it but a kid never does get used to that, especially since her brother will require breakfast. This will be a first honestly managing that by myself. I'll survive that. I wonder what news I'll hear.... I'm not as nervous about her appointments for this as much as I would be for my son's simply because his is a little more complex but I still wonder what I'll hear and if anything needs done anytime soon.....
There are a few other things that honestly cause some anxiety going on but there isn't anything I can do about that..... All of that is always at the mercy of others....
So much blind faith required in life.....
I honestly sometimes struggle with that. God is not a genie and you get whatever you wish, I know that. We are also in a fallen world so there is a lot of bad that is around us and happens to us. Yet I think many of us get hurt when we pray like this verse says and things don't work out like we expect.
I see it much like that pic. Jesus won't "fix" everything but we don't face them alone. Too bad it doesn't work like a magical genie huh? :) However even Job didn't give up. Jesus himself prayed that this "cup" be taken from him. He knew he was going to die horribly, prayed he wouldn't have to yet he died anyway. Yet the blessing from that death is far bigger than anyone can fathom. When Jesus became a curse for us, He was cursed by men not God. Jesus did not tell his followers to do whatever they wanted or to act however they wanted just because they were His. NO! His greatest commandment after putting God first was loving others as Christ loved them.
(see this) "Jesus was not cursed by God. Another way to try to explain what Jesus has done for us: If I murdered someone in the morning, I deserved to be hanged. A man named Jesus came into the picture, and freely took my punishment on Him self. He took the curse I had brought on my self, and died in my place so I could be set free. The Judged (God) accepted this replacement, and released me from the prison. Would such a replacement lead to Jesus being cursed by the Judge?
Absolutely not. This act of Jesus would be the ultimate agape love. And the Judge response to me, would be the perfect product of forgiveness.
The judged did not have to release Jesus from the dead. Jesus Him self is the author of life, the very creator God. Death has no power over Him. Jesus gave up His life for me, as a free gift. And the most beautiful part. This was a command He had received from the judge, GOD alone.
Jesus bore our curses to the cross. And nullified them with His own blood, redeeming us. That is something totally different. Jesus was sinless. He did not have to pay for anything."
Jesus bore our curses to the cross. And nullified them with His own blood, redeeming us. That is something totally different. Jesus was sinless. He did not have to pay for anything."
Yet He did....
Passion of the Christ
What I truly think that verse is saying is to pray in BLIND FAITH that something will be done for the greater good of God's glory. Even when prayers aren't answered the way our human minds think the should be, we can use that to bless others and to help encourage others who are riding out storms also. I think back to a scene in God's Not Dead where the daughter stood up for what she believed in and her family turned their back on her and threw her to the street. Did God desire that outcome? Surly not yet she stood for what she believed in. Are we afraid to stand for what we believe in? I am not. Blind faith to me is having faith that all will work out in the end....
“We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”
~ C. S. Lewis ~
And honestly blind faith for me is trusting that God truly does love me, has my best interest at heart and will NOT forsake/abandon me knowing all that He knows...... Because to have that faith goes against everything else I have been taught..... That I was/am unworthy to be loved and or cared for. If I was then maybe those who God commanded to love, would love me too....
Those in this world who were commanded to love like Christ, loved me the least. And not much has changed in that.
So that brings me to this:
Are we really living like Christ commanded us? Many say: "I got Bible studies down, I pray I *fill in the blank*. Yeah I got it." "Okay but do you really love others like Christ did, even the least "worthy"?" "Well...... I try..."
In the words that my step-dad used to use on me often was this:
We need to do our part for others though also.
I truly think that if we are really going to go out with a fire and a passion to lead people to Christ, we all have to clean up our own churches and our own individual hearts first. If an outsider sees inside a church and can't tell the difference between it and the outside world with it's darkness, we got a serious problem.....
Why do I say this? Well, I saw a blog post this morning by a dear mom and then soon after a FB post by a pastor I'm friends with that really say the same things when you look at the center of it. Recently I also saw this.
As Barb put it, "Regardless of ability, pastors (Leaders overall my words) seem to have groupies among the faithful. And people often have the strange, subliminal belief that being in a pastor’s good graces equals being on good terms with God. As a result of this cult of personalities and also by virtue of being connected to such a vast pool of people, pastors typically get all of the personal help they need when they face challenges.
As Barb put it, "Regardless of ability, pastors (Leaders overall my words) seem to have groupies among the faithful. And people often have the strange, subliminal belief that being in a pastor’s good graces equals being on good terms with God. As a result of this cult of personalities and also by virtue of being connected to such a vast pool of people, pastors typically get all of the personal help they need when they face challenges.
When a pastor (Leaders overall my words) has a loved one with a special need or disability, congregants and staff are at the ready to help. Sure, there is the fishbowl effect that every pastor feels in judgment when they have any sort of trial. Nevertheless, an army of assistance is there to assist and accommodate more often than not.
Sadly, the average person seeking God and wanting to experience Jesus in real ways in their disability journey usually finds themselves disappointed by the Church. Whether it be a physical challenge, a chronic illness, or a mental health issue, most individuals are not finding themselves loved like Jesus by His followers."
Until we can learn to truly be like Christ and accept everyone as worthy of not just salvation but of love also, then we are no different then those around us who are unbelievers.
Until we can get to the point that we are less focused on attendance and money raised and instead more focused on discipleship/tending to others we will continue to miss the boat I think.
"Until the church (members even) finds a way to be radically kinder and more compassionate than the world at large, we tell outsiders they’re better off on their own. And the truth is, many times they are."
source
Until we can get to the point that we are less focused on attendance and money raised and instead more focused on discipleship/tending to others we will continue to miss the boat I think.
"Until the church (members even) finds a way to be radically kinder and more compassionate than the world at large, we tell outsiders they’re better off on their own. And the truth is, many times they are."
source
The FB post by a pastor was that of him sharing of a brother in Christ who came up to him sobbing because his own pastor was cussing him out and doing that more than trying to help him with his actual situation. It's disturbing. He had lost all hope, walking in the rain hurting and torn. I just thank God the pastor that posted this was there for this man.....
I have personally felt more at home at Celebrate Recovery than anywhere else abiding with believers honestly.... (CR isn't just for chemical or drug addiction. I go because I struggle with anger, anxiety and co-dependency.) In the last couple of months, I honestly have stayed a hermit. Part of that was to see if anyone would notice, part of that is because I am not asked to be joined with anyone. I have not been to MOPS either this semester. Mainly because with stuff coming up, that 25 fee was needed elsewhere in the budget but.... In my life, the only time I am wanted or asked about is when someone needs a favor. I'm willing to help others, sometimes to a fault but I will not be used. I've been told that the reason why people don't talk to me at church or elsewhere is because I don't approach them. I don't because when I have, I look like a fool for it and it further isolates me so I just don't. Besides, is that a requirement that I approach everyone? Could someone approach me on their own accord? I sit in Bible Studies, church, Sunday School and listen. I chime in sometimes but only when I know I won't look like an idiot for it...... Honestly.... I'm reading Lysa TerKeurst's book Uninvited. I'm not really far in but I can really relate to what she has said... I got quotes from here some also.
Typically I'm one of the first to arrive for class/study and I sit and wait for things to start. When people come in, I smile and say "hi" then watch. By the time stuff starts, I am typically by myself/with my husband and the others are in their own group. Should I just barge in and sit where I am not invited? I was taught that such behavior is rude...... Again, I've been told that the reason why people don't talk to me at church or elsewhere is because I don't approach them. I don't because when I have, I look like a fool for it and it further isolates me so I just don't. Besides, is that a requirement that I approach everyone? Could someone approach me on their own accord?
The post a fellow mom made started like this: "There’s a struggling family or ministry in your church that needs your attention. They are isolated. Helping hands are in desperate need. Donations to these ministries lag. They are families and ministries living immersed in the daily details of disability. And I have to wonder, What if this was your lead pastor? You would likely be tripping over yourself to help."
In the words of David Platt: “If our lives do not reflect radical compassion for the poor, there is reason to wonder if Christ is in us at all.” –Radical, David Platt"
This country sees the poor and the disabled as the lowest of "scum" Okay, maybe a little dramatic in my words but prove me wrong... Just look at where this country is headed.... Keep reading... The next lowest "scum" is often seen within places of faith are those who often stumble and sometimes fall in their spiritual walk. I think we all need Celebrate Recovery, especially if we are in denial that we all honestly stumble and sometimes fall... Why then do some around us look down on us? Prime example is what that pastor friend shared... That may be a little unusual to hear a pastor have treated someone like that but a pastor is also called to be like Christ. Our church recently did a "Every member is a minister" series. If every member is a minister then everyone who claims to be a Christian should be on the same standard. All the way from the pastor to the janitor.
That brings me to another thing..... How the poor and disabled are looked at....
"I am so tired of being at the mercy of people whose job it is to sit behind a desk and shuffle through paperwork that paints actual human beings as mere words on paper, taking away their humanity. It's not the person's fault. They are just doing their job. It's the nature of the beast, I suppose. But at the end of the day, after they have cut someone's nursing hours, or coverage of medications, or refused to cover a medical procedure, they go home and their life is the same as before they used that rubber stamp. But for us, that simple rubber stamp that they don't even give a second thought to, it is life changing for people like us us."
Even those in high places look upon the poor and disabled with disdain..... Yet in all reality it really shouldn't be up to the government to care for those who need it the most. Yet for many of us, that is all we have..... Even if it is just till some get back on their feet.
Barb continued in her blog:
The question this bring us to then is this: Why do some families who are facing a crisis get showered with love yet another family with the same crisis but "poorer" get ignored? I've seen it on Facebook and I don't mean in this post, my family but others though I have personally seen it also.... As an example: I see one post where a family has a loved one with cancer and they shower her with cards, well wishes, texts, gifts, food, help, company, etc. Yet another family that lives nearby is lucky to have even one person offer to help babysit the siblings while one child gets chemo, let alone visit, offer any help, well wishes, etc.? Or fundraisers.... We can't have anyway now thanks to SSI but another example, same community: One family within a month raises way beyond what the goal was and another, "poorer, less popular" family was lucky to get 10% raised in three months. How do some families have people flocking to them offering to help with their kids if anything comes up yet others are told "You chose to have those kids, deal with it." I have not been told the latter but I certainly don't have offers of help either. I was reminded today that I will not be able to take my son on my daughter's appointments once he starts school. It's no different then me having to take my daughter for his. I do it because I have no choice........
That's what Barb is talking about. I have read in several blog posts that many see modern churches are just like high school except it's church.... You have the cliques, the popular vs the geeks, vs the outcasts, etc. Those who are more popular get of course the most support and compassion...... Yet how do we look at the "least of these"? How do you react and think when you see someone who looks disheveled, on the street corner asking for food? The woman in line with a few kids in her cart using food stamps and WIC? Do you bother to ask about their stories, what they have overcome to get where they are or do you just ignore them at best and treat them like dirt, at least in your mind at worst? Maybe the one using food stamps just got the kids out of an abusive situation.... Maybe the one on the street corner got laid off and has nobody to help. Maybe the one looking disheveled just had a disaster happen in their life and how they look is the least of their worries?
I'm going to end today's post with the best words that Barb had in her post because they are the most accurate....
"We need to remember that our entire Christian witness hinges on how we behave in the area of inclusion. People are watching. If we don’t get this right, if we don’t treat the least with love, nothing else matters."
~ Barbara Dittrich ~
Typically I'm one of the first to arrive for class/study and I sit and wait for things to start. When people come in, I smile and say "hi" then watch. By the time stuff starts, I am typically by myself/with my husband and the others are in their own group. Should I just barge in and sit where I am not invited? I was taught that such behavior is rude...... Again, I've been told that the reason why people don't talk to me at church or elsewhere is because I don't approach them. I don't because when I have, I look like a fool for it and it further isolates me so I just don't. Besides, is that a requirement that I approach everyone? Could someone approach me on their own accord?
Sometimes I really wish I could just sit across from Jesus Himself and be real and honest knowing that I will hear what I need to hear but I will also feel His love and compassion.
I don't get that from anyone else.... Some of that may be on me but I don't think all of it is.
I don't get that from anyone else.... Some of that may be on me but I don't think all of it is.
“Rejection steals the best of who I am by reinforcing the worst of what’s been said to me.”
― Lysa TerKeurst
“Acceptance is like an antibiotic that prevents past rejections from turning into present-day infections. The need for belonging runs deep.”
― Lysa TerKeurst
The post a fellow mom made started like this: "There’s a struggling family or ministry in your church that needs your attention. They are isolated. Helping hands are in desperate need. Donations to these ministries lag. They are families and ministries living immersed in the daily details of disability. And I have to wonder, What if this was your lead pastor? You would likely be tripping over yourself to help."
In the words of David Platt: “If our lives do not reflect radical compassion for the poor, there is reason to wonder if Christ is in us at all.” –Radical, David Platt"
This country sees the poor and the disabled as the lowest of "scum" Okay, maybe a little dramatic in my words but prove me wrong... Just look at where this country is headed.... Keep reading... The next lowest "scum" is often seen within places of faith are those who often stumble and sometimes fall in their spiritual walk. I think we all need Celebrate Recovery, especially if we are in denial that we all honestly stumble and sometimes fall... Why then do some around us look down on us? Prime example is what that pastor friend shared... That may be a little unusual to hear a pastor have treated someone like that but a pastor is also called to be like Christ. Our church recently did a "Every member is a minister" series. If every member is a minister then everyone who claims to be a Christian should be on the same standard. All the way from the pastor to the janitor.
It should start at the top but if it does not, then why don't you start it?
That brings me to another thing..... How the poor and disabled are looked at....
"I am so tired of being at the mercy of people whose job it is to sit behind a desk and shuffle through paperwork that paints actual human beings as mere words on paper, taking away their humanity. It's not the person's fault. They are just doing their job. It's the nature of the beast, I suppose. But at the end of the day, after they have cut someone's nursing hours, or coverage of medications, or refused to cover a medical procedure, they go home and their life is the same as before they used that rubber stamp. But for us, that simple rubber stamp that they don't even give a second thought to, it is life changing for people like us us."
"This is unfair because the federal government is paying a greater portion of the cost of coverage for able-bodied adults, than for the disabled, elderly, and most vulnerable patients. This disparity also creates a perverse incentive for States when they have budget shortfalls and need to trim their Medicaid program. That’s because it creates an incentive for States to reduce services or provider payments related to the most vulnerable patients, rather than able-bodied adults."
(A GOP senator from Arkansas talking about potential Medicaid cuts on the kids vs. able bodied adults through the ACA)
I say: Why can't cuts be made in other places instead of against kids? Better yet, why don't they find more ways of also generating income that is NOT related to increasing income taxes? Why is the first cut made, made against the most vulnerable? When I ask about that, I get either excuses or silence..... Yes even by politicians on both sides. I've called, emailed and written letters. Why can't the bureaucrats who decide what will and will not be covered and how much with any insurance company, Medicaid too, live in the shoes of those who have to deal with those decisions for a day.
I say: Why can't cuts be made in other places instead of against kids? Better yet, why don't they find more ways of also generating income that is NOT related to increasing income taxes? Why is the first cut made, made against the most vulnerable? When I ask about that, I get either excuses or silence..... Yes even by politicians on both sides. I've called, emailed and written letters. Why can't the bureaucrats who decide what will and will not be covered and how much with any insurance company, Medicaid too, live in the shoes of those who have to deal with those decisions for a day.
Even those in high places look upon the poor and disabled with disdain..... Yet in all reality it really shouldn't be up to the government to care for those who need it the most. Yet for many of us, that is all we have..... Even if it is just till some get back on their feet.
Barb continued in her blog:
"WE CHURCH ATTENDERS EACH HAVE TO ASK OURSELVES, “AM I TREATING THIS PERSON/THIS FAMILY/THIS MINISTRY WITH THE SAME COMPASSION I WOULD TREAT MY LEAD PASTOR IN THIS SAME SITUATION?” IF THE ANSWER IS NO, WE ARE OPERATING WITHIN THE CHURCH WITH BIAS.
THIS IS CHRIST’S MANDATE FOR US TO US TO INCLUDE AND SERVE EVERY PERSON OF EVERY ABILITY IN THE CHURCH, REGARDLESS OF THEIR POSITION OR POPULARITY. WE ARE TO TREAT THEM LIKE ROYALTY, JUST AS IF WE WERE DOING THE SAME FOR JESUS HIMSELF. [SEE MATTHEW 25:31-46]"
The question this bring us to then is this: Why do some families who are facing a crisis get showered with love yet another family with the same crisis but "poorer" get ignored? I've seen it on Facebook and I don't mean in this post, my family but others though I have personally seen it also.... As an example: I see one post where a family has a loved one with cancer and they shower her with cards, well wishes, texts, gifts, food, help, company, etc. Yet another family that lives nearby is lucky to have even one person offer to help babysit the siblings while one child gets chemo, let alone visit, offer any help, well wishes, etc.? Or fundraisers.... We can't have anyway now thanks to SSI but another example, same community: One family within a month raises way beyond what the goal was and another, "poorer, less popular" family was lucky to get 10% raised in three months. How do some families have people flocking to them offering to help with their kids if anything comes up yet others are told "You chose to have those kids, deal with it." I have not been told the latter but I certainly don't have offers of help either. I was reminded today that I will not be able to take my son on my daughter's appointments once he starts school. It's no different then me having to take my daughter for his. I do it because I have no choice........
That's what Barb is talking about. I have read in several blog posts that many see modern churches are just like high school except it's church.... You have the cliques, the popular vs the geeks, vs the outcasts, etc. Those who are more popular get of course the most support and compassion...... Yet how do we look at the "least of these"? How do you react and think when you see someone who looks disheveled, on the street corner asking for food? The woman in line with a few kids in her cart using food stamps and WIC? Do you bother to ask about their stories, what they have overcome to get where they are or do you just ignore them at best and treat them like dirt, at least in your mind at worst? Maybe the one using food stamps just got the kids out of an abusive situation.... Maybe the one on the street corner got laid off and has nobody to help. Maybe the one looking disheveled just had a disaster happen in their life and how they look is the least of their worries?
How can we expect to be told to have blind faith and trust in Christ when those very ones who tell us this are not acting Christ like? How can we expect to do what we are told to do by others in the faith when we see all around us of everything but what we are told by those same ones?
I'm going to end today's post with the best words that Barb had in her post because they are the most accurate....
"We need to remember that our entire Christian witness hinges on how we behave in the area of inclusion. People are watching. If we don’t get this right, if we don’t treat the least with love, nothing else matters."
~ Barbara Dittrich ~
How can I pray for you? I may just be across a computer screen but I can at least do that for you. Too bad we all have not found that genie yet. ;) If any of you are struggling with stuff I shared in here, please know you are not alone..... There are many out there with you.... All we can do is what we are commanded to and that is to truly love others..... Even if people around you treat you like crap, go out there and help those around you. Find your ministry.... You only have to answer to God but remember, you are an ambassador for God, not God himself..... Listen with your heart.....
Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~
“I lay down my need to understand why things happen the way they do. I lay down my fears about others walking away and taking their love with them. I lay down my desire to prove my worth. I lay down my resistance to fully trust Your thoughts, Your ways, and Your plans, Lord. I lay down being so self-consumed in an attempt to protect myself. I lay down my anger, unforgiveness, and stubborn ways that beg me to build walls when I sense hints of rejection. I lay all these things down with my broken boards and ask that Your holy fire consume them until they become weightless ashes. And as I walk away, my soul feels safe. Held. And truly free to finally be me.”
― Lysa TerKeurst
“Though we may get our hearts broken from the effects of sin in this in-between time, God’s goodness will eventually set the world right.”
― Lysa TerKeurst
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