I'll have a title for this by the time I'm done writing but at the moment, I don't have one. May 22nd was my last day at church before my son's second major surgery. That Sunday I knew I would have prayer warriors for my son. I felt loved. Once I got home from surgery I knew there were two families who got together to help with meals once home. Others had goodies and gift cards to send with us. My parents were visiting and kept my daughter busy while we were in Dallas. I stayed busy.....
It helped soothe the ache in my heart that maybe I really was doing the right thing for my son. Yet I prayed that my daughter would feel loved too by our community while we were in Texas. And she was.
I have been out of church almost a month. Our Sunday school group when we weren't here periodically checked in to see how all were doing.
Life started going back to whatever normal is this last week. Appointments and drama trying to settle whatever needs done about my daughter's sleep study along with the usual fights with SSI. The main thing now is school is out, no therapies till post op and mostly home bound with my son for risk of his head getting hit. Outings are allowed but no playing or being in areas of risk to his head, whatsoever....
I'll admit getting ready for church this morning, I wasn't expecting pomp and circumstance over coming back, that's silly. Yet to be honest, I think my pride got wounded. Pride always comes before a fall, we all know that. I came in expecting to be talked to by more, asked how my son is, people miss him, we are being prayed for, you know.....
Today was mostly silence minus small talk in Sunday school and a few who asked about my son.
Two things that I had to realize though, even though I was surprised today, today was a normal day for everyone else except me and I expected them to see that which wasn't fair, and really it's not about me. If I am coming to church expecting a big warm welcome back and it really wasn't what my prideful brain expected, then it's me that needs to be adjusted.
I still remember spring of 2011 I was in Dallas almost a month. Two weeks of that, it was just me and my daughter. That had been the second time I had to send my husband away on Greyhound. I felt alone..... So little contact with the outside world.
When I finally got home, I was the one who had to reacclimate to the ordinary world. That was hard for a few days.... Back to business of cooking, cleaning, appointments, calls, raising kids (Just one at that point), etc.
You get home from the last medical mountain climb and get thrown back into "normal" life. Yet trying to always adjust to new changes mixed in with the old normal, takes time. Time isn't for us though.
The Earth continues to spin and rotate no matter what our inner world is doing. No matter if we go to work everyday or stay home all day, life goes on. Nothing stops.
Yet is it really about us? Not really...... We like to think it is to some degree, that we matter, that everyone is thinking about us a lot or at least, we think that's the case. Yet everyone around us has things going on too, many just not as big of stuff but sometimes big to them....
Deep down weather we admit it or not, a part of us knows we just went through something major and wishes those around us saw things the way we did. We wish we would get a pat on the back, hugs or whatever and hear the words, "You did it, You got this, I understand, can I help?, etc." stuff.
Yet if we stop and see, most of us have gotten some if not all of that. Just maybe not as we expected.
It is like that, that we need to think about our expectations. Others are not us and we aren't them. Our world is not theirs and theirs isn't ours.... So hard sometimes for even typical families to understand....
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive
I think that fits it best. I had a post with that song title on it recently. That song is still stuck in my head but that chorus seems to almost be a theme for the journey. This isn't the first or last time I'll ever have to re-acclimate with today's world... The emotions during that process is what is hard to tame sometimes....
We will learn to survive. We will make our way THROUGH the ordinary world, WE will find the compatibility with JOY and CONTENTMENT no matter what, because no matter what, God is with us, through us and IN us.
Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~
"Real life isn't just about pain, it isn't just about joy.
It's a harmony and melody of both."
Jonathan Peterson
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