I didn't expect to be participating in this coming weekend's 5k but I am!
YEAH!!
I'm not pushing my son though because I'm not taking him from the one who is. I'll be in the 5k and he'll ride in the 10k. At least this one is a free event for Ainsley's Angels athletes. Hopefully I'll finish before he does. I'm mostly walking this one..... Though I hoped to be doing more running by now.
Part of my mood though is this: Why does everything have to be about money as a start? Everything is always too expensive despite doing the best I can with what I have. Right, I should have thought about that before doing this right? Yeah I got told that. I shouldn't bother asking about his chariot because that's being a lazy leech and I either need to get it myself or quit doing this till I can and then maybe pick it back up. None of this was said by my spouse by the way.
What happened to supporting others around us? Oh wait, asking for help isn't allowed right? Because anyone who needs help is just lazy and or incapable of doing it themselves? Or does that just apply to me and nobody else around? Double standards much? What happened to community?
Why can't I just get my right lower side to quit being a jerk? Blisters which aren't a huge issue yet still annoying to knee twinges/slight pain once in a while with my fears of a flareup again, like it's kinda hurting tonight (I blame the weather!) to like stretched occasional thigh pain at the tendon inside the right one (just aches. No injury) I had forgotten I had injured that right knee as part of a job hazard back in 2005. So why all the problems now? Why simply did it decide to start just from going under a tree? Because I'm much more mobile than I have been in honestly years?
Why can't I run much of anything yet? Oh wow a whole 10th of a mile max! What about the 5k?
I know I'm fat and overweight but holy crap, can't I just be decent at this yet?
I've lost about 10 pounds. Yeay! Yet then there's the cost of replacing jeans soon. Yeay, more money spent....
Two events a year where I've already heard groans at how much. 30+80 for the two roughly. If I hear about being a registered athlete pushing my son at only two events then I'm even more glad others will push him with the other ones as I'm sidelined due to costs. Yet then what's the point in all of this? Is all of it really worth all of this training if in the end it's going to be "too expensive for our budget" anyway?? Still better than even a few months of a gym!!! If I really wanted, I could just do the gym membership and do weight training with the treadmills without having to worry about weather at all! Yet I don't because of cost. I got leggings on $3 clearance for this. I got shorts secondhand at Savers. All to keep costs down. I got my shoes on clearance even!
Yet I'm a lazy leech who mooches off my spouse. Get real!
Yet the whole intent honestly for this was so I could push my son at events. He wants me to! Also so I could honestly also get healthier. So why the struggles with it?
Why the struggle to take it up a notch?
Why the struggle with my old, fat joints? Just the one knee even!! That's the only problem!!!
Why the struggle over costs when I'm trying to do this as inexpensively as I can do it?
Why the struggle to get to the point of running much of anything? Am I just doomed to walk and then finish last at any of these?
Is all of this in vain anyway?
Why does everything always boil down to money?
I'm training pretty much on my own doing the best with what I can do and can get yet it's just not good enough seems like.... Worse, I get told/reminded that yet again I'm not good enough. Just for asking for help or something that will help me in doing this.
If the critics wanna step up/in helping me do better than by all means keep talking, otherwise shut up already.
Today would make six completed weeks of training done with tomorrow being the start of week seven. (My math was wrong apparently!)
So why can't I just get better at all of this?
Can't I actually run yet without dying at 1/10th of a mile and or my knee threatening to be a jerk?
I blame it on being Monday...... My knee especially but also Monday along with the doubters/haters can just do this.
Thank you to all of those who have stood by me with this. Audra especially. I owe you a million times over!
~ Special Momma ~
No comments:
Post a Comment