Are you living or dying? That was a question asked during the sermon Sunday.
Honestly, I've been dying. For several reasons.... Not literally but you know what I mean. I'll be living again soon but we all go through these cycles. It's like the time between the mountain tops and the low valleys. We gotta do time in both and in the middle of going to and from.
What really resonated with me and what I will be talking about here today is this:
To have fresh water, you have to have a good inflow and a good outflow. Right? You must have both or the water becomes stagnant.
So why do others encourage us to have outflow too but if it's not picture perfect, we face negativity? Think of it like this. Each negative is a stick attempting to make a dam. Like beavers make dams. Each positive is a stick being removed. Get enough sticks piled up and it slows down or totally blocks flow coming in, going out or both. So what happens? Water gets stagnant. Which only makes things worse right?
Now before you all correct me, I know that's not exactly how beaver dams work but the analogy works. The sticks people stack on us don't filter, they don't let the water flow. They totally block and or redirect in a good way or a bad way. What happens when the flow is blocked? Water backs up. It pools. It sits. It gets stagnant. Stagnant is bitter and smells bad.
See where the dam is and all of the sludge? See where the outflow is much less than what's coming in? Same idea.....So why do we try to dam others up? To silence them? To fix them? To make them fit the mold you want? To make them conform? To make them fit into the crowd? To make them not tarnish the spitting image you want your business/organization/ministry/whatever you have?
You can't have the rose without the thorns.
You can't have the light without the darkness.
You can't have a rainbow without the rain.
You can't have the mountain without the valley.
You can't have the victory without the battle.
You can't have growth without pain.
You can't have joy without the sorrow.
You can't have the quiet without the noise.
You can't have the snow without the cold.
You can't have the good without the bad.
You can't cherish the sweet without knowing about bitter.
You can't enjoy the savory without knowing the bland.
You can't have the concert without hours of practice.
To continue what I started in part one, I feel like I gotta go onto this.
After the last post, I saw this. I'm sure many of you have heard cliches similar to this. Well intended, sometimes but it's not biblical truth. God won't just give special kids to special people. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that. Please just stop with them..... Also don't tell people they should only share the good, if you won't even hear them tell that. Why should they share more with you if you won't even listen to that? Especially if all you are doing is telling them cliches or flippant positivity without anything to back it up, especially biblical truth.
Like this.... People again asked how things went with testing my son recently had and then I hear from family and others later that I talked too much, shared too many details, worry too much, ask for trouble, I brought this on myself, I chose all of this, not basic, broken down info enough, my faith in God isn't good enough, I don't trust enough, etc. I hear at least some if not all of that every single time.... And I'm sorry to those who try to teach or explain anything to me and all I do is exacerbate your patience. I'm sorry to those who I try to make small talk with all I do is look like an idiot. That's my social anxiety hard at work, and when the face you give me confirms that all I did was look like a moron or all I do is annoy you, I'll just leave you alone. Sorry I tried. Same to those who look at me while saying "hi" to others and ignore me. I pray I'm never like that. Well, thank you for helping me prove my point and for allowing me to be more of a hermit. As if I've not gotten social anxiety in recent years now anyway due to that exact thing. If you didn't want to hear me talk then why ask me about stuff? Many of us hear sayings like "God won't give you more than you can handle " or "Satan is really testing you with this right now" stuff. Or worse "If you weren't a sinner, your child wouldn't have to go through___" or the "This is your atonement for making God mad." stuff. "If you pray more/harder this wouldn't have happened/happening" My latest "favorite" "Your child wouldn't have epilepsy if you only prayed more. Or this one when I share anything prayer request wise or with a person who asks and I don't give 100% positive news "You have unrepentance you need to go to God about." or "If you would be more positive and stronger in the faith, this wouldn't happen/be." “Just pray about it”, "just don't think about it", "Everything happens for a reason., and more... I felt done talking to people.... I still do.... I'm happier when I don't hang around other people......
Yet I do wish I had a few that "get it" and would not start crap with me. Who would truly sit down and listen. Who we could share stories with. Who we could learn from. Who I could call on a bad day and they listen instead of trying to fix me or tell me how wrong/messed up I am.
Why do we have to tell other that if they are having a hard time, they asked for it or their faith isn't enough? Why can't we just simply offer to sit down with someone and let them speak their heart, no matter what it reveals? Why can't we minister to people like that? Isn't that what Jesus did? Aren't we commanded to be like Him? Well, then why don't we?
From an anonymous mom who contributed to the last post "I feel like if there was more understanding and explanation and less of "if you would just try harder" that it would have been better because at least I would know it was nothing I was doing wrong. So understanding and explaining more than judgement I feel would have helped a lot more. it could have taken the pressure off."
Fake positivity and cliches are so toxic...
A local church in this area is about to start a series about "God never said that" and I look forward to hearing it. I'll have to listen to it after services as I don't go to that church right now but I can't wait to hear it. I'll likely use some of that here, especially when I go into talking about how to talk to others who are struggling.... That's in an upcoming post.
Think about your words.... Think about what you are saying, or not saying. Is what you are telling a person who is struggling what you want to hear when you are? What sticks are you putting on someone? Are they blocking flow? Are they helping it flow better? Don't be the reason someone stagnates, or worse walks away from the faith...... Many comments I've seen over the years point to people walking from the faith for that reason or they look at Christianity with a negative light due to so much judgment and stigmas within...... Let's be what Jesus commanded..... No more "rules" beyond that, "regulations" that are unbiblical, "UNBIBLICAL cliches", and "labeling". Just stop....
~ Special Momma ~
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