"Thoughts today since I heard a song today. Crazy how music takes you down memory lane, can depress or energize. This journey of my life has had some bright times and some really dark times. Many of my years I have had to claw my way to survive. I have proved wrong and defied so many who said I would have long been either dead, in a permanent psych ward or in prison. I am none of that.
It was about this time in '90 that I was sent to my first placement. I was 8.
It was about this time in '93 I was considering band and what instrument to play. My grandpa gave me a Artley student flute from his old music store a short time later. I still have that flute. I now play on my 461H Yahama though.
It was about this time in '94 I attempted suicide. The darkest time in my life... I spent my 13th birthday away from home. Not the first or the last. While in the hospital psych ward before going back to the one I was at when 8, I thought of many things of my so far life then and wondered if my life really was over, at almost 13.
It was about this time in '96 I was at my last group home getting ready to start marching band for the first year. It would be the best band season of my life. I would accept Christ just shy of six months later. (Days before winning state October 1996)
It
was about this time in '99 I was ready to start my senior year and
little did I know my dream of being a music teacher like my grandfather
was about to be a faded one.
This time in '07 my daughter was a month old and I was oblivious to the journey ahead with her or the roller coaster that journey brought. July 9th officially launched her journey.
This time in '14 I was about to birth my son who has made his own rules in his journey from the start....
This time last year I was two months out from his first surgery and I already knew he was setting his own path through life. Muenke doesn't come with Chiari, let alone the rest we have gotten since then...
A month from today (I wrote it earlier this week) will be his second major surgery, a first for us in this realm.
A month from tomorrow I will be in the PICU with my son celebrating my birthday, somewhat....One month and one week from today and my son will turn two.
I am not dead, I am not in prison and I am not psycho. Growing up I constantly heard that I should have been aborted, I was too ugly to be worth anything, I won't amount to anything, "She will never be a effective part of society." and much more. I am NONE of that.
I have defied all odds and so will my children. I am not afraid to share my story and neither should you of yours."
Now this post included that but I will also include others. It was after I made that post in FB that I found that Friends Forever song. I have been in memory lane A LOT today. I have four total that I really talk to that I went to or knew in high school still. Two of them we only talk via FB at this point. Two of them I went to middle school with also and they remember the darkest time in my life and we have talked about that some since then.
My thoughts have gone around mainly high school. Winning state in '96 to having to switch schools the middle of my sophomore year, Solo & Ensemble years, playing Euchre during lunch periods, band competitions and pep band. Yeah, mostly music stuff. That was my life. When it wasn't that it was working at Wendy's or with the boyfriend I had at the time. I think back to a fool I was to be with him as he didn't treat me as I deserved but so often in life, we have to learn lessons the hard way.....
I know when I graduated 16 years ago (I didn't admit that) my dreams were definitely not what became reality. Most aren't. Most of us think we'll marry rich, a very handsome husband (wife), a job that pays a lot of money without a ton of work, etc. You know you did it too. I did go to college and got an Associates in Early Childhood Education. Figured that was step one to eventually work as a counselor for abused children, a play therapist is what I wanted to be basically. That didn't happen either.
16 years after graduation and I am where I am today. I wouldn't change it. I would change some circumstances but not the overall journey. I have wondered though sometimes if we took different paths, where we would be now. What if I did get to be a music teacher? The child psychologist? The entomologist (bug scientist as I called it when I was 4-11) The microbiologist? Had I not married my husband, where would I be? That type of thing. (No regrets in marrying him by the way)
I think sometimes my brain starts a thought and takes off as if it was in the Indy 500!
Yet I think that one of my biggest wishes now is that my children can both be able to cherish the years they have ahead of them. Good and bad. I'm realistic, I know there will be bad days. The first day my daughter comes home crying over a break-up or my son upset over not getting onto a sports team type thing.
Yet as the journey has chosen them and us, I pray that no matter what comes ahead, my children will find joy no matter how many days they have, no matter if they outlive me or I outlive them..... I pray the legacy I have will be that of a mother who was always there for her children, never gave up and showed my children not just how to live in this world with Light but also to be givers of Christ's story of redemption.
The mountains and valleys that we have walked, the dark nights and the sunny days. The drizzle or the raging storm.... That's our journey.
That's what it's really about. How are we going to use our story, our darkest times that WE survived, the brightest times that we LOVED and use our stories to help others, to show how God brought us through the worst and the best to therefore use our stories to SHOW others Christ. We have times where we don't even act like we should. Our stories can share that too and how we got out of it.
That's what it's about.
What's your story?
Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~
More of my story is HERE
This time in '07 my daughter was a month old and I was oblivious to the journey ahead with her or the roller coaster that journey brought. July 9th officially launched her journey.
This time in '14 I was about to birth my son who has made his own rules in his journey from the start....
This time last year I was two months out from his first surgery and I already knew he was setting his own path through life. Muenke doesn't come with Chiari, let alone the rest we have gotten since then...
A month from today (I wrote it earlier this week) will be his second major surgery, a first for us in this realm.
A month from tomorrow I will be in the PICU with my son celebrating my birthday, somewhat....One month and one week from today and my son will turn two.
I am not dead, I am not in prison and I am not psycho. Growing up I constantly heard that I should have been aborted, I was too ugly to be worth anything, I won't amount to anything, "She will never be a effective part of society." and much more. I am NONE of that.
I have defied all odds and so will my children. I am not afraid to share my story and neither should you of yours."
Now this post included that but I will also include others. It was after I made that post in FB that I found that Friends Forever song. I have been in memory lane A LOT today. I have four total that I really talk to that I went to or knew in high school still. Two of them we only talk via FB at this point. Two of them I went to middle school with also and they remember the darkest time in my life and we have talked about that some since then.
My thoughts have gone around mainly high school. Winning state in '96 to having to switch schools the middle of my sophomore year, Solo & Ensemble years, playing Euchre during lunch periods, band competitions and pep band. Yeah, mostly music stuff. That was my life. When it wasn't that it was working at Wendy's or with the boyfriend I had at the time. I think back to a fool I was to be with him as he didn't treat me as I deserved but so often in life, we have to learn lessons the hard way.....
I know when I graduated 16 years ago (I didn't admit that) my dreams were definitely not what became reality. Most aren't. Most of us think we'll marry rich, a very handsome husband (wife), a job that pays a lot of money without a ton of work, etc. You know you did it too. I did go to college and got an Associates in Early Childhood Education. Figured that was step one to eventually work as a counselor for abused children, a play therapist is what I wanted to be basically. That didn't happen either.
16 years after graduation and I am where I am today. I wouldn't change it. I would change some circumstances but not the overall journey. I have wondered though sometimes if we took different paths, where we would be now. What if I did get to be a music teacher? The child psychologist? The entomologist (bug scientist as I called it when I was 4-11) The microbiologist? Had I not married my husband, where would I be? That type of thing. (No regrets in marrying him by the way)
I think sometimes my brain starts a thought and takes off as if it was in the Indy 500!
Yet I think that one of my biggest wishes now is that my children can both be able to cherish the years they have ahead of them. Good and bad. I'm realistic, I know there will be bad days. The first day my daughter comes home crying over a break-up or my son upset over not getting onto a sports team type thing.
Yet as the journey has chosen them and us, I pray that no matter what comes ahead, my children will find joy no matter how many days they have, no matter if they outlive me or I outlive them..... I pray the legacy I have will be that of a mother who was always there for her children, never gave up and showed my children not just how to live in this world with Light but also to be givers of Christ's story of redemption.
The mountains and valleys that we have walked, the dark nights and the sunny days. The drizzle or the raging storm.... That's our journey.
That's what it's really about. How are we going to use our story, our darkest times that WE survived, the brightest times that we LOVED and use our stories to help others, to show how God brought us through the worst and the best to therefore use our stories to SHOW others Christ. We have times where we don't even act like we should. Our stories can share that too and how we got out of it.
That's what it's about.
What's your story?
Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~
More of my story is HERE
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