“But rains pour down upon us, storm clouds darken the skies and we get lost in the storm. Have you been there? Wandering in the darkness, crying out only to be greeted with utter silence?"

~ Lesley Hitchens ~



"God puts rainbows in the clouds so that each of us in the dreariest and most dreaded moments can see a possibility of hope.”

~ Maya Angelou ~

Friday, April 15, 2016

"Normal is all I want."

How many times have you heard that? Last time I heard it was Wednesday night.

Normal: What really is normal? Well, besides just a setting on the dryer. Webster's says normal is: usual or ordinary : not strange, mentally and physically healthy. Those were the short ones. The rest is here.

Whenever I hear people say, "I just want the baby normal." it stings at first. Really. Then I want to ask, "What if it's not?" Then I think also too of each time my world crashed with each added diagnosis on my children. Yet also the many blessings that have also come. I mean, who's nine year old can brag and say she has hung out with P.O.D twice in her life? Who's daughter can say they went viral over a kind gesture? Who can say they have watched their son go through surgery like her daughter has and yet watch that daughter have nothing but love for her brother? Me. My gems. That's just in the last 9 years. No telling about the next nine. Besides that I'll have an 18 year old and a almost 11 year old. YIKES!




Okay so obviously we have established that my children aren't considered "normal" Duh...... Well, if we all really want to be technical, none of us are based off of those definitions. Think about it. Besides if "normal" doesn't mean fun, I don't want a part of that one!


Now it's no bed of roses either..... Seeing my children go through surgeries, pain, migraines, asthma, frustrations over school, things they can't do or not well enough in today's standards,  etc. sucks. It plain sucks....

I'll tell what makes me angry though too. Insurance and billing people.... It's a blessing and a curse to have insurance. It's crazy how the lives and comfort/care hangs in the balance of if a for-profit insurance company wants to pay or not. Therapies are only covered by Medicaid for the most part. Then you get people like this who decide Medicaid is something to just "be rid of to play games" just because. Without Medicaid, children like mine go without therapies, appointments, medications, surgeries, hospital care, oxygen, trach care, and so much more. I need to shut up on this part before I have it take over this post.... Here's the senator's page if you want to e-mail him over this.

The other thing that makes me sad and also angry is ignorance. I don't mean simply not understanding. I mean blatant ignorance and even disdain toward those with disabilities..... The bullies have no excuse..... Yet something I have seen and sometimes still have to remind myself, for every bully or "enemy" who doesn't treat you or your child right, there are at least 10 that do. Focus on those 10, not the one who isn't. No matter who it is, blood or not.

So see, "normal" in all reality doesn't exist. I'm not sure I would want normal anyway. If normal means in today's society we live like the Jones's but teetering on the brink of bankruptcy just to live the high life, I don't want it. If it means proving to the world my children are the best out there, I don't want it. If it means spoiling my children to the point they are "affluent" I want nothing to do with it. If it means me and my husband are so focused on making money and spending no time with our children, I don't want it. There is more I could share....

I don't want normal.

What I do want is a world of acceptance though. Children and even adults who are bullied over looks and or disabilities is unacceptable. Being refused service because of a mental or physical disability is unacceptable.

If a world like that would be "normal" than I'll accept. However, I'll take where I am. Yeah, you heard me right. There will be days I hate it, there will be days I love it. Most somewhere in the middle. There are days where the sun is shining high in a cloudless sky. Others it's the darkest night where the stars aren't even seen. Yet even a few where it will feel like the worst storm has ever hit and the thunder and wind is relentless.

What I have to always remember, it's not about the "normal" it's about the journey God chose for me. I am not alone. No matter how bad some days are, I really am not.




Normal is not everything. Finding joy in the midst of wherever I am is.

Blessings! 

~ Special Momma ~

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