“But rains pour down upon us, storm clouds darken the skies and we get lost in the storm. Have you been there? Wandering in the darkness, crying out only to be greeted with utter silence?"

~ Lesley Hitchens ~



"God puts rainbows in the clouds so that each of us in the dreariest and most dreaded moments can see a possibility of hope.”

~ Maya Angelou ~

Wednesday, October 17, 2018

The Homeless

Let's talk about this. Truly..... Locally there has been soooo much talk about the homeless along with panhandlers and the comments seen on social media about the homeless angers me and breaks my heart.... So, let's talk about it.

So what is the official definition of homeless? According to this,

A homeless individual is defined in section 330(h)(5)(A) as “an individual who lacks housing (without regard to whether the individual is a member of a family), including an individual whose primary residence during the night is a supervised public or private facility (e.g., shelters) that provides temporary living accommodations, and an individual who is a resident in transitional housing.” A homeless person is an individual without permanent housing who may live on the streets; stay in a shelter, mission, single room occupancy facilities, abandoned building or vehicle; or in any other unstable or non-permanent situation. [Section 330 of the Public Health Service Act (42 U.S.C., 254b)]

 An individual may be considered to be homeless if that person is “doubled up,” a term that refers to a situation where individuals are unable to maintain their housing situation and are forced to stay with a series of friends and/or extended family members. In addition, previously homeless individuals who are to be released from a prison or a hospital may be considered homeless if they do not have a stable housing situation to which they can return. A recognition of the instability of an individual’s living arrangements is critical to the definition of homelessness. (HRSA/Bureau of Primary Health Care, Program Assistance Letter 99-12, Health Care for the Homeless Principles of Practice)

Programs funded by the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) use a different, more limited definition of homelessness [found in the Homeless Emergency Assistance and Rapid Transition to Housing Act of 2009 (P.L. 111-22, Section 1003)].

    An individual who lacks a fixed, regular, and adequate nighttime residence;
    An individual who has a primary nighttime residence that is a public or private place not designed for or ordinarily used as a regular sleeping accommodation for human beings, including a car, park, abandoned building, bus or train station, airport, or camping ground;
    An individual or family living in a supervised publicly or privately operated shelter designated to provide temporary living arrangements (including hotels and motels paid for by Federal, State or local government programs for low-income individuals or by charitable organizations, congregate shelters, and transitional housing);
    An individual who resided in a shelter or place not meant for human habitation and who is exiting an institution where he or she temporarily resided;
    An individual or family who will imminently lose their housing [as evidenced by a court order resulting from an eviction action that notifies the individual or family that they must leave within 14 days, having a primary nighttime residence that is a room in a hotel or motel and where they lack the resources necessary to reside there for more than 14 days, or credible evidence indicating that the owner or renter of the housing will not allow the individual or family to stay for more than 14 days, and any oral statement from an individual or family seeking homeless assistance that is found to be credible shall be considered credible evidence for purposes of this clause]; has no subsequent residence identified; and lacks the resources or support networks needed to obtain other permanent housing; and
    Unaccompanied youth and homeless families with children and youth defined as homeless under other Federal statutes who have experienced a long-term period without living independently in permanent housing, have experienced persistent instability as measured by frequent moves over such period, and can be expected to continue in such status for an extended period of time because of chronic disabilities, chronic physical health or mental health conditions, substance addiction, histories of domestic violence or childhood abuse, the presence of a child or youth with a disability, or multiple barriers to employment.

Hence different agencies use different definitions of homelessness, which affect how various programs determine eligibility for individuals and families at the state and local level. Health centers use the HHS definition in providing services.




So let's talk about this.



"Two trends are largely responsible for the rise in homelessness over the past 20-25 years: a growing shortage of affordable rental housing and a simultaneous increase in poverty."

In the year 2009, one out of 50 children or 1.5 million children in United States of America will be homeless each year. There were an estimated 57,849 homeless veterans estimated in the United States during January 2013, or 12 percent of all homeless adults. Just under 8 percent of homeless U.S. veterans are female. Texas, California and Florida have the highest numbers of unaccompanied homeless youth under the age of 18, comprising 58% of the total homeless under 18 youth population. Homelessness affects men more than women. In the United States, about 60% of all homeless adults are men.

That's not all of it though. Causes of homelessness in the United States include lack of affordable housing, divorce, lawful eviction, negative cash flow, post traumatic stress disorder, foreclosure, fire, natural disasters (hurricane, earthquake, or flood), mental illness, physical disability, having no family or supportive relatives, substance abuse, lack of needed services, elimination of pensions and unemployment entitlements, no or inadequate income sources (such as Social Security, stock dividends, or annuity), poverty (no net worth), gambling, unemployment, and low-paying jobs. Homelessness in the United States affects many segments of the population, including families, children, domestic violence victims, ex-convicts, veterans, and the aged. Efforts to assist the homeless include federal legislation, non-profit efforts, increased access to healthcare services, supportive housing, and affordable housing.

Some facts to consider:

1. Increasingly, states are passing a personal bill of rights act calling for reasonable accommodation of the things inherently human and necessary. These rights include such things as

the right to sit

the right to eat in public and share food with others

the right to sleep

the right to seek help

the right to vote

the right to pray

the right to privacy

the right to feel safe

2. 65% of homeless seek nonprofit and government shelter; the other 35% remain unsheltered. These are options. When we mandate what a person must do, we create an unwarranted detention

3. 30% of people who are homeless are chronically homeless, meaning they were basically without shelter for 12 months out of 36. About 30% of the chronically homeless have mental health with about one-half reporting substance abuse problems. Of the remaining 70%, their homeless status may have only been for a few days.

4.
30% are 24 or younger and are subject to exploitation

5. 75% are single with 65% male

6. 44% performed paid work in the last month with one in five expecting their work to last at least three months. Only 2% panhandle

7. 25% of us will be disabled; 40% bankrupt by age 65

8. At any given time, there are about 2,200 homeless in Arkansas; 4,200 in Oklahoma. The states with the largest concentrations of homeless are CA, FL, TX and MS. On any given night 575,000 are homeless in the U.S., but in any given year the unduplicated count soars over 1.5 million.

9. Homelessness has been on the decline since 2006, but jumped last year with 2% more in shelters but 9% more living unsheltered, making the homeless increasingly visible.

There are many reasons why someone may end up homeless. Eviction or foreclosure, negative cash flow, no net worth to fall back on, no family or friends to rely on, PTSD, divorce, mental illness or substance abuse, no pension or expired unemployment benefits, gambling, rejection of social mores or finding societal living too complex, disability, no work; not enough hours; or low pay. fire or natural disaster, lack of affordable housing. Let's look at this that was published several years ago.

"Two trends are largely responsible for the rise in homelessness over the past 20-25 years: a growing shortage of affordable rental housing and a simultaneous increase in poverty. Below is an overview of current poverty and housing statistics, as well as additional factors contributing to homelessness. A list of resources for further study is also provided.

FORECLOSURE

Recently, foreclosures have increased the number of people who experience homelessness. The National Coalition for the Homeless released an entire report discussing the relationship between foreclosure and homelessness. The report found that there was a 32% jump in the number of foreclosures between April 2008 and April 2009. Since the start of the recession, six million jobs have been lost. In May 2009, the official unemployment rate was 9.4%. The National Low Income Housing Coalition estimates that 40 percent of families facing eviction due to foreclosure are renters and 7 million households living on very low incomes (31 - 50 percent of Area Median Income) are at risk of foreclosure.

POVERTY

Homelessness and poverty are inextricably linked. Poor people are frequently unable to pay for housing, food, childcare, health care, and education. Difficult choices must be made when limited resources cover only some of these necessities. Often it is housing, which absorbs a high proportion of income that must be dropped. If you are poor, you are essentially an illness, an accident, or a paycheck away from living on the streets.

In 2007, 12.5% of the U.S. population, or 37,300,00 million people, lived in poverty. The official poverty rate in 2007 was not statistically different than 2006 (U.S. Bureau of the Census, 2007). Children are over-represented, composing 35.7% of people in poverty while only being 24.8% of the total population. 

Two factors help account for increasing poverty: eroding employment opportunities for large segments of the workforce and the declining value and availability of public assistance.

ERODING WORK OPPORTUNITIES

Reasons why homelessness persists include stagnant or falling incomes and less secure jobs which offer fewer benefits.

Low-wage workers have been particularly have been left behind as the disparity between rich and poor has mushroomed. To compound the problem, the real value of the minimum wage in 2004 was 26% less than in 1979 (The Economic Policy Institute, 2005). Factors contributing to wage declines include a steep drop in the number and bargaining power of unionized workers; erosion in the value of the minimum wage; a decline in manufacturing jobs and the corresponding expansion of lower-paying service-sector employment; globalization; and increased nonstandard work, such as temporary and part-time employment (Mishel, Bernstein, and Schmitt, 1999). To combat this, Congress has planned a gradual minimum wage increase, resulting in minimum wage raised to $9.50 by 2011.

Declining wages, in turn, have put housing out of reach for many workers: in every state, more than the minimum wage is required to afford a one- or two-bedroom apartment at Fair Market Rent. [1] A recent U.S. Conference of Mayors report stated that in every state more than the minimum-wage is required to afford a one or two-bedroom apartment at 30% of his or her income, which is the federal definition of affordable housing.  Unfortunately, for 12 million Americans, more then 50% of their salaries go towards renting or housing costs, resulting in sacrifices in other essential areas like health care and savings.

The connection between impoverished workers and homelessness can be seen in homeless shelters, many of which house significant numbers of full-time wage earners. In 2007, a survey performed by the U.S. Conference of Mayors found that 17.4% of homeless adults in families were employed while 13% of homeless single adults or unaccompanied youth were employed. In the 2008 report, eleven out of nineteen cities reported an increased in employed homeless people.

With unemployment rates remaining high, jobs are hard to find in the current economy. Even if people can find work, this does not automatically provide an escape from poverty.

DECLINE IN PUBLIC ASSISTANCE

The declining value and availability of public assistance is another source of increasing poverty and homelessness. Until its repeal in August 1996, the largest cash assistance program for poor families with children was the Aid to Families with Dependent Children (AFDC) program. The Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Reconciliation Act of 1996 (the federal welfare reform law) repealed the AFDC program and replaced it with a block grant program called Temporary Assistance to Needy Families (TANF). In 2005, TANF helped a third of the children that AFDC helped reach above the 50% poverty line. Unfortunately, TANF has not been able to kept up with inflation. In 2006-2008, TANF case load has continued to decline while food stamp caseloads have increased

Moreover, extreme poverty is growing more common for children, especially those in female-headed and working families. This increase can be traced directly to the declining number of children lifted above one-half of the poverty line by government cash assistance for the poor (Children's Defense Fund and the National Coalition for the Homeless, 1998).

As a result of loss of benefits, low wages, and unstable employment, many families leaving welfare struggle to get medical care, food, and housing.

People with disabilities, too, must struggle to obtain and maintain stable housing. In 2006, on a national average, monthly rent for a one-bedroom apartment rose to $715 per month which is a 113.1% of a person’s on Supplemental Security Income (SSI) monthly income (Priced Out in 2006). For the first time, the national average rent for a studio apartment rose above the income of a person who relies only on SSI income. Recently, only nine percent of non-institutionalized people receiving SSI receive housing assistance (Consortium for Citizens with Disabilities, 2005).

Most states have not replaced the old welfare system with an alternative that enables families and individuals to obtain above-poverty employment and to sustain themselves when work is not available or possible.

HOUSING

A lack of affordable housing and the limited scale of housing assistance programs have contributed to the current housing crisis and to homelessness.

According to HUD, in recent years the shortages of affordable housing are most severe for units affordable to renters with extremely low incomes.  Federal support for low-income housing has fallen 49% from 1980 to 2003 (National Low Income Housing Coalition, 2005). About 200,000 rental housing units are destroyed annually. Renting is one of the most viable options for low income people (Joint Center for Housing Studies).

Since 2000, the incomes of low-income households has declined as rents continue to rise (National Low Income Housing Coalition, 2005).  In 2009, a worker would need to earn $14.97 to afford a one-bedroom apartment and $17.84 to afford a two-bedroom apartment. There has been an increase of 41% from 2000 to 2009 in fair market rent for a two-bedroom unit, according to HUD (National Low Income Housing Coalition, 2009).

The lack of affordable housing has lead to high rent burdens (rents which absorb a high proportion of income), overcrowding, and substandard housing. These phenomena, in turn, have not only forced many people to become homeless; they have put a large and growing number of people at risk of becoming homeless.

Housing assistance can make the difference between stable housing, precarious housing, or no housing at all. However, the demand for assisted housing clearly exceeds the supply: only about one-third of poor renter households receive a housing subsidy from the federal, state, or a local government (Daskal, 1998). The limited level of housing assistance means that most poor families and individuals seeking housing assistance are placed on long waiting lists.  Today the average wait for Section 8 Vouchers is 35 months (U.S. Conference of Mayors, 2004).

Excessive waiting lists for public housing mean that people must remain in shelters or inadequate housing arrangements longer. In a survey of 24 cities, people remain homeless an average of seven months, and 87% of cities reported that the length of time people are homeless has increased in recent years (U.S. Conference of Mayors, 2005).  Longer stays in homeless shelters result in less shelter space available for other homeless people, who must find shelter elsewhere or live on the streets. In 2007, it was found that average stay in homeless shelters for households with children was 5.7 months, while this number is only slightly smaller for singles and unaccompanied children at 4.7 months. (The U.S. Conference for Mayors, 2007).

In 2003, the federal government spent almost twice as much in housing-related tax expenditures and direct housing assistance for households in the top income quintile than on housing subsidies for the lowest-income households (National Low Income Housing Coalition, 2005).  Thus, federal housing policy has not responded to the needs of low-income households, while disproportionately benefiting the wealthiest Americans.

OTHER FACTORS

Particularly within the context of poverty and the lack of affordable housing, certain additional factors may push people into homelessness. Other major factors, which can contribute to homelessness, include the following:

Lack of Affordable Health Care: For families and individuals struggling to pay the rent, a serious illness or disability can start a downward spiral into homelessness, beginning with a lost job, depletion of savings to pay for care, and eventual eviction. One in three Americans, or 86.7 million people, is uninsured. Of those uninsured, 30.7% are under eighteen. In 2007-2008, four out of five people that were uninsured were working families. Work-based health insurance has become rarer in recent years, especially for workers in the agricultural or service sectors (Families USA, 2009).

Domestic Violence: Battered women who live in poverty are often forced to choose between abusive relationships and homelessness.  In addition, 50% of the cities surveyed by the U.S. Conference of Mayors identified domestic violence as a primary cause of homelessness (U.S. Conference of Mayors, 2005). Approximately 63% of homeless women have experienced domestic violence in their adult lives (Network to End Domestic Violence).

Mental Illness: Approximately 16% of the single adult homeless population suffers from some form of severe and persistent mental illness (U.S. Conference of Mayors, 2005). Despite the disproportionate number of severely mentally ill people among the homeless population, increases in homelessness are not attributable to the release of severely mentally ill people from institutions. Most patients were released from mental hospitals in the 1950s and 1960s, yet vast increases in homelessness did not occur until the 1980s, when incomes and housing options for those living on the margins began to diminish rapidly. According to the 2003 U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Report, most homeless persons with mental illness do not need to be institutionalized, but can live in the community with the appropriate supportive housing options (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2003). However, many mentally ill homeless people are unable to obtain access to supportive housing and/or other treatment services. The mental health support services most needed include case management, housing, and treatment.

Addiction Disorders: The relationship between addiction and homelessness is complex and controversial. While rates of alcohol and drug abuse are disproportionately high among the homeless population, the increase in homelessness over the past two decades cannot be explained by addiction alone. Many people who are addicted to alcohol and drugs never become homeless, but people who are poor and addicted are clearly at increased risk of homelessness. Addiction does increase the risk of displacement for the precariously housed; in the absence of appropriate treatment, it may doom one's chances of getting housing once on the streets. Homeless people often face insurmountable barriers to obtaining health care, including addictive disorder treatment services and recovery supports.

CONCLUSION

Homelessness results from a complex set of circumstances that require people to choose between food, shelter, and other basic needs. Only a concerted effort to ensure jobs that pay a living wage, adequate support for those who cannot work, affordable housing, and access to health care will bring an end to homelessness."
http://www.nationalhomeless.org/factsheets/index.html

Think of the cost of living now, in 2018. Wages stay about the same while the cost of living continues to climb each year. Think about even what a gallon of milk was five years ago vs now. I won't get into the wages debate here because there's soooo much to cover on that BUT I will say that simply just increasing wages won't work long term at all. Costs will just keep going higher and high, profits on major sellers of goods will go up and up yet wages won't nor will the cost of living get more reasonable to wages. However, this will show how the wages are not keeping up. Yet this was 2015, not today.


So...... now that you have seen the numbers and the facts, have you or someone you have known been homeless, even for a short time? How do you feel about those numbers? Has any of it changed your mind on how you view the homeless and destitute? Even those who panhandle, legit need or not?



Keep reading....

Most homeless walk among us with their heads down and try to be as unobtrusive as they can possibly be. They do self-segregate as much as possible, but being human also means seeing humanity at work and play. It's time many of us recognize that the immediacy of need or treatment is what tumbles most into an abyss that is hard to get out of. In a crisis, the only solution is immediate cash, which is basically asking for the near impossible.



There are legitimate stories by the thousands.... For every one that doesn't want help, there are many more who do. Yet we judge them and treat them worse than we treat a lost dog on the street!


There's also limited beds in these "Homeless facilities" so maybe more is needed. Also showing them that they won't be judged. Many are ashamed of where they are. Asking for help, being seen at shelters and things like that, just makes them feel worse. Many fear the violence and theft that occur at shelters as well. Especially those with children.


So often all I hear society say about the poor, destitute, homeless, disabled and or families with any government assistance is something like this:

"At this festive season of the year, Mr Scrooge, ... it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the Poor and destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time. Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir."
"Are there no prisons?"
"Plenty of prisons..."
"And the Union workhouses." demanded Scrooge. "Are they still in operation?"
"Both very busy, sir..."
"Those who are badly off must go there."
"Many can't go there; and many would rather die."
"If they would rather die," said Scrooge, "they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population."


Like here in the Fort Smith area, check this out. From a friend: "When someone loses everything they have worked for, their fault or not, that brings about huge mental changes. Depression, anxiety, guilt, feelings of self doubt and worthlessness... Telling someone to do something is totally different than showing someone they are capable of restoring their life. Also, I was told the (A local place that helps the homeless) doesn't accept children and DHS will be called to remove the child(ren). I'm not sure of the legitimacy of that, but I would think that would keep many away from there for fear of losing their child/children."

So just punish them more for being homeless.... Yet statistics showed that only 16% of those homeless are directly due to moderate to severe mental illness.

Yet instead of helping those in need, many would rather give tax cuts to the wealthy and to hell with anyone in need.... Many don’t give a crap about them, or where they go, just as long as you don’t have to look at them... Not all who are homeless "deserve it" "are too lazy" or "asked for it" so think on that. Many do struggle with mental illness, so what about helping them through that? What about the kids who are homeless? The teenage girl who is prostituting herself homeless because she left an abusive father and thought she could make it on her own? What about the boy who ran away from the foster home he was at because the foster mother despised him like the rest of his own family did? What about the homeless family who have been on the streets a week because the father got laid off work due to the economy and they lost their home because the landlord kicked them out? What about the homeless veterans? They served this country and this is how we give back to them?




Let's look more into just the youth and children aspect.

Children Living in Homeless Families

"More than 1.5 million children live in families without a home. Among those, 42 percent are under the age of 6. African-American children disproportionately experience homelessness (47%), and children of American Indian and Alaska Native backgrounds have a slightly higher proportion of homelessness (2%), compared with their representation in the population. Homeless families are more likely to be led by a single-mother in her twenties with young children.

Unaccompanied Youth


An estimated 1.6 to 1.7 million youth join the ranks of runaways and homeless each year. The group identified as unaccompanied youth can be categorized into sub-groups:

    runaway-homeless youths, who stayed away at least overnight without parents’ or guardians’ permission;
    so-called ‘throwaway’ youths-who left home because parents encouraged them to leave or locked them out of the home;
    independent youths who feel that they have no home to return to due to irreconcilable familial conflicts or have lost contact with their families.

Females are larger in number among runaway-homeless and independent youths, and African- American and Native American youth tend to be over-represented among all three types of unaccompanied youth. Further, between 20 and 40 percent of all homeless youth identify themselves as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT).

Factors that Contribute to Homelessness


Homelessness represents deprivations from basic human needs. However, while other types of deprivations, such as hunger, mainly occur as a result of poverty and economic insecurity, factors that contribute to homelessness are multi-faceted; the factors also vary by the type of homelessness experienced by children and youth. These factors include lack of affordable housing, economic insecurity, violence at home, behavioral health, lack of social support, and involvement in the child welfare system.

Did you know?

According to the 2007 Hunger and Homeless Survey conducted by the United States Conference of Mayors, 15 the top three contributing factors for homelessness are:

Among children living in homeless families:

    lack of affordable housing
    poverty
    domestic violence

Among unaccompanied youth:

    mental illness
    substance abuse
    lack of affordable housing"



Let's go more into this one.

Now, this site has much more information for you but let's break it down here. The main causes are:

1. Lack of Affordable Housing -
Overall the number of households with children reporting “severe” housing problems has increased from eight percent in 1978 to 13.8 percent in 2005

2. Economic Insecurity -
In 2005, more than 60 percent of families with income less than 30 percent of the HUD-adjusted area median family income were paying more than half of their income for rent, and about the same proportion of families were also living in severely inadequate housing.

3. Violence at Home - Among homeless mothers with children, more than 80 percent previously experienced domestic violence. Unaccompanied youth often have prior experiences of violence, either witnessing violence or being abused physically or sexually. More youth in runaway and homeless programs report fights and physical or emotional abuse from their family members, compared with those without such experiences.  The majority of youth in runaway and homeless youth programs report their biological mothers as a main perpetrator of maltreatment.

4. Behavioral Health -
  Higher risks of exposure to violence or trauma can contribute to behavioral health problems among homeless children and youth. Unaccompanied youth are more likely to be depressed and to have mental health or substance abuse problems compared with housed youth. While runaway and homeless experiences influence mental health status, youth who experience homelessness exhibit more behavioral problems prior to their runaway or homeless experiences compared with youth without runaway or homeless episodes

5. Lack of Positive Social Support - Homeless families with children and unaccompanied youth tend to have weak or unstable social supports. Some research shows that they have fewer social networks and less social support. Unaccompanied youth are more likely to report family problems. Further, they tend to report their friends as a source of support more frequently than their own parents and try to substitute street networks for their failed family networks.

6. Involvement in the Child Welfare System -
Youth in foster care are at higher risk of homelessness. Forty nine percent of youth in foster care report a history of running away from home. Previous research indicates between 14 and 50 percent of foster youth experienced homelessness

So, let's add in JUST the mental health part since many say those who are homeless also have mental health problems, yet we wonder why.  Continued from the same source.



Mental Health and Exposure to Violence or Trauma

Children living in homeless families and unaccompanied youth also have a greater risk of experiencing mental health problems, compared with their housed peers. It has been reported that young children with homeless experiences had more behavioral problems based on the Child Behavior Check List (CBCL) than housed children. A study on school-aged children of homeless families reported that a higher proportion of homeless children experienced mental disorders with impairment, such as disruptive behavior disorders, social phobia, and major depression, as compared to their low-income housed counterparts.

While homeless children and youth are more likely to witness or experience violence prior to homeless episodes, they are also exposed to violence due to the public nature of their lives and vulnerable living conditions associated with poverty, such as being on the streets, in shelters, doubling up with others, or crowded housing. Unaccompanied youth are also more vulnerable to physical or sexual victimization. More than one-third of the adolescents met lifetime criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Among those adolescents, an estimated 45 percent of PTSD males and 28 percent of females experienced assault with a weapon; 42 percent of female runaways experienced sexual assault. LGBT homeless youth have an even higher likelihood of being victimized on the streets, compared with their heterosexual counterparts (59% vs. 33%). Nearly one in five homeless youth attempted suicide, and more than half of heterosexual homeless youth had suicidal thoughts while about three-fourths of LGBT youth have had such thoughts. The majority of homeless youth on the streets use substances such as tobacco (81%), alcohol (80%), or marijuana (75%), while those in shelters had slightly lower substance use (52%, 67% and 71% respectively).



That's just a drop in the bucket.


"Love your neighbor" yet those turning their snubbery noses up on this are the ones to "pity" those overseas and send money to them. Oh wait, that's because they don't have to see what's going on in Syria or wherever, whereas here it's in your face and you don't want to deal with something that "isn't your problem" or "The homeless brought it on themselves!" So, all the homeless brought it on themselves? Only they can get themselves out of it? They are scum of the Earth and deserve nothing, not even compassion? Is that how some of you truly feel? Are all who seek help, panhandling or not, leeches? Lazy?




What good is it to say you are saved and trying to show others Christ if you don't do it? If you don't "Love your neighbor" or to go after that one sheep that nobody else will?




The next homeless person may be you. Do you want your friends and family to think the same of you as many already do the homeless?


Wake up!
All of you who condemn these people...


Someday those who judge could be homeless, will they want the same treatment they approve of now? Maybe the leaders will be the first to wake up. Likely not....... I pray they wake up though, that many who read this will wake up.

Go look at all the money you have. Your home equity, 401k, cash, etc etc etc. Now realize most of you are about 2 months away from homelessness. Seriously! Especially those who want to live like the Jones's. Look rich but be dirt poor with a lot of debt, and more. Most people are two house payments away from being in foreclosure and homeless. Under federal law, in most cases, a servicer can’t start a foreclosure until a homeowner is more than 120 days overdue on payments. BUT once you are late on even ONE, the late fees and more can really add up, so that starts a bad spiral down, especially if other unexpected bills came up and you just can't get your head back up from underwater. Is that always the fault of the person? NO!

Go see for yourself for a few days what it's like. I've volunteered to help feed the homeless before. It has always been a good lesson for my oldest to see how good she really has it, even though she doesn't have nearly as much as many local kids do, she at least has what she NEEDS. That's more than what the homeless have. I have read and heard of soooo many kids who live and or lived on the streets. Some of the books I have read were more a collection of stories comprised into a book. I used to own several years ago. It's sad.... The stories from the kids I have worked for in the past both in juvenile corrections and in a children's shelter would make you cry. Yet those same ones who cry, would tell them as soon as they are 18 and get booted from the system that their poverty, their homelessness is all their fault and to hell with them. Think I'm joking? I've seen it happen first hand. I've heard from some of those kids myself what happened once they hit 18. What, many already do for those already homeless, why not the kids who age out too? Too cruel? Well, so is your outlook on those impoverished now. Age, race, social status, all of it doesn't matter. Yet who helps them? Who helps the homeless? Who truly helps those who need it get out of that despair and get back on their feet? Do you even care if they can eventually come back to where they perhaps once were, on their feet making an impact in society.

Yet then why do we also look down on the adults working fast food or convenience stores making minimum wage, college educated or not? At least they have a job right? At least they are trying to survive. Oh, it's not good enough? What is good enough then? You saw the numbers already, what is good enough? You?
As if......

Words a friend shared a little over a year ago still stick with me. "The inconvenient reality of compassion: While discussing James 2 this morning in life group, the issue of poverty and "the poor" came up. There was some comparison of the poor here to the poor around the world, and the assertion that many American poor are that way, to some extent, by their own choosing, or purposely as a way to "game the system" (is that a phrase?). It's hard to want to help and show compassion to people who put themselves in a position of need. But if we're going to claim Christianity, and show the love of Christ to the world, then their needs and what we can do to help should be the only two points of interest. How they got where they are, or their attitude towards our help, or their willingness to change their ways don't matter. The love of Jesus is unconditional towards us. We didn't earn what He freely gave us, we often don't show gratitude for our salvation, and we chose, and continue to choose actions (sin) which require Help that we can't provide for ourselves. It's a good thing that when God looks down at us, living our lives marred by sin, and disgusting compared to His holiness, that He doesn't roll His eyes and shake His head, like we're some bum with a cardboard sign. Because we are all about as worthy of Salvation as the bum on the side of the road is entitled to my help. That's Christianity; helping BECAUSE it's needed, and not worrying about WHY it's needed. And that is a very inconvenient idea, especially in our Americanized church" B went on to say in the comments, "I do think the church should be a place and group that transcends the effects of social class, but unfortunately, often you still find the "us" and "them" cliques"


James 2:1-9 says:

"My brothers and sisters, do not show prejudice if you possess faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ. For if someone comes into your assembly wearing a gold ring and fine clothing, and a poor person enters in filthy clothes, do you pay attention to the one who is finely dressed and say, “You sit here in a good place,” and to the poor person, “You stand over there,” or “Sit on the floor”?

If so, have you not made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil motives?

Listen, my dear brothers and sisters! Did not God choose the poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom that he promised to those who love him? But you have dishonored the poor! Are not the rich oppressing you and dragging you into the courts? Do they not blaspheme the good name of the one you belong to? But if you fulfill the royal law as expressed in this scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. But if you show prejudice, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as violators."


I wonder if we put so much focus on prayer and action that instead of popularity contests, this would really would be a better place if we quit putting social or economic status on people.

So what can we really do then? We can be a rainbow for them in the storm. Self inflicted storm or not.



So, this old pic that's gone around before on Facebook, will we really do that? I need to get better at it too. These coming words are for myself too. We say we would do stuff like this for our friends and family but do we? Do we really? Do we stay there for them when life is good but flee when we don't like something they said or their storm continues raging on and on and on? What about strangers? So maybe not have them meet at your house but what about at McDonald's for coffee? What about taking food to them? What about offering to take a cab and pay for that and a hair cut? You know what difference that would make in how they feel about themselves? Clean hair and or a clean shave? Many of you I'm sure have seen videos like that on Facebook or on the news. What about us doing something like that? Even once a month, doing something for someone who we can see is struggling.

But why don't we? Even if we have a few extra bucks, why don't we? Why don't we even do something for free and that is be kind? Give them five minutes to share how their day is going, homeless or not? "The homeless smell bad" well do something to help them with that. Ignore the smell for just a few minutes, if nothing else. If you can handle the nasty smell of a skunk stench in your car for five minutes driving, you can be nice for five minutes to someone who needs it.


Those in this world who were commanded to love like Christ, often love the least. Why? This is not who we are called to be..... Do I agree with the lifestyles sometimes? NO! Does that mean they are less than me? NO!! What were we taught? Love like Christ loved.



That simple!



“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me:
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.”
― Emma Lazarus



What happened to this? Now I'm not saying that everyone should just have free reign. However banning people, shutting them out, removing public benches, blaming all for the actions of a few, hatred, racism, etc. There isn't excuses for that...  How we treat many, including the homeless is not what Emma had in mind.... Nor did God.



Matthew 25:35-40
For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’

James 1:17
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

1 John 3:17
But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?

Romans 12:13
Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

Galatians 6:2
Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Philippians 2:4
Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Acts 20:35
In everything I showed you that by working hard in this manner you must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’



Shall I say more?


Ephesians 2:19-22
Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household,
And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.


If people around you refuse to help themselves, we are commanded to love them anyway. However we are NOT commanded to enable their behavior or to act fools. We are not to tell them when they come to you upset that they are idiots and they asked for whatever. Even if they did, you show them love and compassion without enabling or encouraging the negative behavior.

Think about this though, what colors are you painting yourself and the world around you? What colors are you throwing onto others without even knowing them or their story, or simply what their day is like? What brought them to where they currently are? They didn't become that overnight. Before throwing them under the bus, listen to their story, show compassion, look at life from their perspective.

We whine and complain about how the world sees us as Christians, maybe it's time that instead of whining, we show action. We show what Christ really commanded of us. THEN maybe the world will judge us a little less. Besides, we aren't supposed to live as if we love what is in this world anyway, we should live for what comes after.

Maybe if those who said they followed Jesus had loved me the way they should have, I wonder if my darkest point would have happened...... Yet because of that story, I know I have helped others, and maybe, just maybe that's when the healing really started. I knew my pain had a purpose when I knew my story had shown others that they are not alone in a world that has no qualms about making them feel as if they are.



What beauty dwells in the heart of those tortured, 

That feel love so deep but hatred stains. 
Sadness upon there brow. 
Theses tortured once bright. 
Will almost never return to the light.


What will you do? What light will you bring into their dark and sad world? Be a rainbow in their storm, even just once because you may be the only one who ever is.


~ Special Momma ~

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Band

This isn't my first post about music on here nor my life with music. Though today I just feel like writing about it. Go down memory lane with me. Music has honestly saved me. Sounds cheesy but it's the truth.

Spring 1993, I was almost 12. Kids started band in 5th grade at the school I was at. I was currently near the end of 6th grade. I was stuck in a single classroom most of the day because I was too whatever they wanted to call me to "handle" full time in a regular classroom. That and my brain doesn't "click" with things as fast as people thought it should so I was considered pretty dumb. They didn't have inclusion really back then. You would be mainstreamed, have a few mainstream classes or you were special ed. That's it. Most kids, if you had an IEP, you were special ed in seclusion. Man have times changed.... I was that kid who fell through the cracks. I was that kid who was worth crap. I was that kid who had to claw herself back up time and time again. I was that kid who at one time had so much despair that I wanted to end my life and tried. I was that kid who at school nobody listened to her. I was that kid who teachers and counselors both said that I would amount to nothing. That I would always be a burden to society. I would always live in an institution. I would only wind up in prison. I was that kid who people didn't want to help because it was inconvenient for them. I was that kid who had to get through school all by herself and did it. I was that kid who overcame. I was that kid who was able to stand up graduating college and wishing all of those who said I wouldn't were there to be proven wrong.

Anyway!


Spring 1993, I don't remember the exact conversation but I wanted to play an instrument like the rest of my family had. I think part of what spawned it was a game called Professor Piccolo. During my growing up years, my grandpa for Christmas or birthdays would get me toys/stuff related to fishing or music in one way or another. I called him one evening and said I wanted to go into music. I wanted to do clarinet first but was told I couldn't due to that my mouth shape was bad for it. Looking back I kinda wonder if it was partly that and partly that maybe the flute was one of the few if any instruments he had had left from his music store, and to save all parties involved money, I got that.


This was the first flute I started on. It was much better back then than it is now...... Marching band kinda ruined the plating and most of the damage was only in the first year of high school.





I still have it all these years later. Though now it needs an overhaul done on it. That flute got me through 7th through part of 11th grade till I got an Armstrong 80B with my own money. It got me through two and a half years of high school, all of what was left of middle school and was a good rehearsal horn when not doing marching performances. I marched piccolo my junior year.

The following two videos were of the best two seasons I ever had marching. First one we won state and so many memories with that, the second one was the most memorable show, pulled at heartstrings. I still have the ribbon with the child's name that was given to me. He had been about my age at the time when he was killed in Columbine....








Now concert band.... 7th grade the first thing we played after I got out of summer band was a Bb concert scale. I didn't know what that was.... Not at first. Not because I didn't know the notes but because we didn't learn that. That was just the start of many things in music I would have to learn on my own. First song we played was William Tell Overture. Needless to say that first week didn't go well for me in the sense of playing by any means but I was determined to make it work. The flute player in the next chair above me was a huge help. You know who you are.


Over time, I was in and out of placements the next few years. Nothing different from the past few years having been in and out as well. Trying to kill myself at nearly 13, going back months later into 8th grade, band and everything then later becoming ward of the state and put into a foster home then group home added to it. I wasn't in the origional school district for much of 8th grade but we did get to do concert band contest. Got a first division and I do remember playing Novena. Really fun piece. I remember the other two we did that concert also. State of the Art and Chinook Wind Rhapsody. No, I wasn't the piccolo player. I was in last chair. Being in and out of placements really did hinder my playing honestly. I didn't get to practice much and what practice I did do, I couldn't do in privacy. Not till that group home anyway. It was the tail end of my 8th grade year that I really started to take off. Though it was still a while before I was playing pretty good.

The summer of my freshman year, I entered into my first year of marching band. Little did I know what I was getting into.... Trying to learn how to march and play was definitely harder than it looked. I was automatically one of those "state kids" because of where I lived and I was also still in a "special ed" class some of the school day so that was two strikes on me. Strike three was I didn't grow up in that school district. I had much to prove. I also was outspoken and not tactful about it.... I didn't do so well to start. Let me tell you though, marching band is excellent exercise and a good way to get in shape!!

First was basics in marching for part of the day and the other part of the day was learning the music and memorizing it. The music was easy, mostly. Especially with the constant repetition. Marching was easy, especially when I remembered to always start with the left foot. Putting both together, not so much. By the time all the drill was learned and the memorization was done, my section leader told me that I was either to march and not play anything, just hold my flute or quit band. Honestly, excuse my french but the first thing I told her was to "kiss my ass". Yeah, that went well. I wasn't liked much in our section anyway for few reasons mentioned earlier so that went well. The next day, she told me she talked to one of the directors who sided with her. Funny they never came to me. In fact, one of our drill charts put me right at the front of the 50 yard line so that meant that everyone had to line up to me, regardless if I hit the spot right or not. The director during rehearsals would actually tell everyone to go to "____ chart!" It honestly made me feel special for once. I think it was a matter of the computer programming my number at that spot in the timing of the drill formations but I didn't care.
I ultimately didn't wind up playing any of the marching music, or so they thought, that first year because the whole section I was told, complained about how bad I was and I was told by one of the leaders, not a director that I shouldn't play. Obviously I've never forgotten that. "I know you are in special ed and in band but obviously you can't figure out the marching and playing thing so just march since the others can handle the playing." Yeah..... Not sure if any of them figured it out or not but there were times I played anyway. I was going to make it work and I didn't care what it took. I didn't play and march at the same time for the "big" competitions, I just marched my charts but I did for the others because I was not going to be told what to do by someone who was not my boss.

So anyway, as we got farther into the season, the more fun it got. Tradition was no matter what bus number you were on to head to and from competitions, two songs by Queen were always played the way there and the way back, win or not. We Will Rock You and We Are The Champions. No matter what, those were played. To and from most competitions I would either read a book or watch out the window. I had no friends at that school, just a few acquaintances at that time. I was fine with that too because I already knew it would be like that going in. Though for the sake of "fairness" any souvenirs that were made or decorations in the band hall or lockers, I kept. Most were made by the band boosters. I still have that stuff. The paper stuff is in a band scrapbook and the music notes from my freshman and sophomore years are on my mantle. The ceramic angel flute our section leader got everyone just before state freshman year broke a few years ago sadly. I think I only got that because she was told all or none. Like I said, I was an outcast. Well it's the truth! I was fortunate my two seasons at that school, there was a fellow band parent willing to take me to and from the high school back to the group home the days of competitions and football/basketball home games for pep band, otherwise I doubt I would have gone at all. I could see the group home staff taking me for drop off but I doubt for pickup because of how late it would be when we got back from competitions. There was one day, I was left at the school for hours because the home forgot about me and then they got mad at me when I did get picked up because apparently it was "my fault" they forgot me despite that they had my practice schedule. It was soon after that, that the band parent offered to help.

The day of State my freshman year came. It was one of the scariest band moments of my life, even now I say that yet it was soooo exciting. Marching on that turf with the dome lights on you was breathtaking. SOOOOO many people watching to see how you all did. One band, one sound. Fifteen minutes on the field decided so much. After we performed, we sat in the stands as a group to see whomever was left to perform and all went afterward onto the field. We stood at attention in our area while awards 10th through 1st were called out. Talk about anxiety to see how you all did!!! I bawled when they announced who got runner-up, which at the time was our biggest rival in band. We beat them! I actually still have these two posters. I had them hung up in my bedroom at the group home and at home till college.



Then marching season was over.....

I don't know if our director ever knew this or not but that year not only winning State but also how he treated me made me realize that maybe there was some good in humanity. A soul like his was few and far between. Honestly. Two teachers in high school made the most impact on me, ever. They were the only two in high school to ever come out and tell me I mattered. That I was worth something. That I had potential. That I would make a difference. I was able to tell one recently that, I wish I could tell my old director there that but he passed away a few years later. I'll get into that soon. Prior to those two, I only had one other teacher in all my years really show me they cared, and that was my first grade teacher. Just telling the facts. (Teachers, tell your students they matter. Love on all of them, even the difficult ones. It's the difficult ones who need love the most, not disdain.)

Freshman year also started the world of Solo & Ensemble. This was for concert band season, winter and spring. Our school was really big into that as well. Anyone in band had to be in either an ensemble of some sort or doing a solo or both. Freshman year I did the flute choir. I wasn't good enough for the woodwind choir. I sure as heck wasn't going to do a solo! I was on my own in learning for the most part and I didn't have anybody who could do the piano anyway so that ruled solos out anyway. During some practices I played the piece with them but I wasn't able to perform it with them. The flute choir I got 4th out of 5th parts. The middle piece was soooo boring because it was pretty much playing the same low A natural the WHOLE thing.... At least the first and past pieces were more involved. We ultimately got a first division at State Solo & Ensemble for our flute choir. (You can only go to State IF you have a Division I solo or ensemble piece AND you get a first division rank. (Pics below) Ensembles got the state of Indiana whereas solos got different ones.



Freshman concert band season, one of the most memorable pieces I remember playing was Gustav Holst First Suite in Eb. I can never hear that without going back to all of the memories of freshman year and the impact it made on me, even though as a musician I still kinda sucked... lol


Before long, I was getting ready for my sophomore year, only two class periods of seven were considered "special ed" by this point. Even those I didn't "need" I was only in them because I had a hard time with math and another subject and was simply in for the extra help. Again, they didn't really do inclusion classrooms with a para back then. You were either mainstreamed or in special ed. Nothing in the middle. Anyway,  marching season yet again. New show, new drill and a flute section that knew I wasn't going to take crap this year. I had gotten better with the flute, mostly playing on my own still. No private lessons or anything. I had huge respect for our director though as he was sooo much like my grandpa..... He saw potential and hope in everyone. That is something you don't really find. The special ed classroom teacher I had was like that also. She was one of the best teachers I ever had. I'm just glad I got to tell her that recently. That August soon after school started, I found out my grandpa had passed.... After the funeral and everything, I bawled putting my flute together the first time after, knowing that even though I didn't see him often enough, I would never get a music lesson from him again. From 12-15 he was the only one who would help me in playing and learning music. The rest I learned on my own or by practices during band and out of school. I decided then, no matter what, I was going to do a flute solo that year.

I got back to marching band practice and our director came up to me directly, hugged me and said I didn't have to play that day. I remember telling him that grandpa would have wanted me to go on and at least now he is where he can hear me play every day. Putting the flute together that day was hard enough but when we started warming up, I had tears falling down my face. Nobody else minus that one favorite teacher said anything to me all day about anything, not even at the group home. State that year we got third.

I told the group home after marching season was over that they got a check for me being there from the state and that I was going to make solo & ensemble work and I didn't care how, I was going to get a flute teacher that could be a piano accompanist who could at least help me get through S&E and go from there. I told them why and that I just asked for this one thing. Not sure who honestly covered it but lessons started soon after. Let me tell you, I knew how to play, I could make things work but I developed some bad playing habits too. So, we worked on those and my flute solo. It was a second division solo so I would not have the option for State but I didn't care. I just wanted to keep a promise I had made. That I did. I almost got a first division in Division II but not quite.... Grandpa I'm sure was proud none the less.




Soon after I went home for good, though I wanted to stay at one high school, the courts said I had to go back to the other school district. I wasn't happy about that because I would have to see everyone who knew all of the past stuff.... I wasn't popular at the group home and at that school district by any means but I didn't want to leave either. Yet when court says you have to go and you are a minor, you are stuck. So.... home I went and back to the old school district.

Talk about things being different. Though even there I was still an outcast but many had not remembered much, they just remembered I was an outcast. No flutes I was in 7th grade band with were here, they came from other middle schools in our district. I didn't have much of my 10th grade year to finish here before school was out and getting ready for marching season again. AND I was only in  "special ed" for one class. Study hall. Our show that year didn't go so well. It was the first year I marched piccolo though.That was fun!!!

Solo & Ensemble was still a big deal at this school but getting ready for it was done differently. I was going to do a solo on flute and one on piccolo but thanks to working so many hours at the fast food joint, and school, I barely had time to do the solo stuff on the flute so I just didn't do the piccolo one. The flute solo, I barely got this second division for a Division I solo because I had only heard the piano accompaniment the night before and totally messed it up both times..... The flute teacher I had at this point didn't play piano so I had to find and pay a last minute accompanist.




Concert band went pretty well. We were split up into three smaller bands based on skill. I was in the middle band, fourth chair. Compared where I was always in the past, I took it. No flute solos, no piccolo solos and I was good.


Senior year..... No special ed anything! The final year of high school band.... I had wanted to go to college and be a music education major like grandpa had been. He taught band for many years. I was bound to enjoy it. I had been finally able to play on a french model flute for a while now, (Paid for it myself my junior year) and I was so sure I was going to do what I dreamed to be. Last marching season, last football game pep band, last basketball game pep band, last of everything within high school. I was excited yet didn't want it all to end. It was also the season that the band director as my last high school died. I had heard the news the morning of a marching competition from the director I was currently under. I was glad he told me but it brought back soooooo many memories. I had no regrets this time, other than I wished I could have been able to go to his funeral...

Our marching show was a very memorable one, called The 4th Angel. Video was posted earlier in the post. We were talked about a lot, both in the community and online. Yet most of us who marched this show, had no regrets. This school got into State that year with this program and we got 9th. I didn't care. I went to State three years of four, won one and in the eyes of the world, we might as well have won my senior year given our show. I still have my memorial ribbon....

Auditions for chairs for the last time, I was determined to do really well with also. I was fortunate I was familiar with one of the three segments we auditioned with thanks to the prior high school. I got third chair, first band. I was happy. No solos on anything yet first part. I was happy. In five years time, I went from last chair to 3rd (What I wanted) in the top band.

Solo & Ensemble came around for the final time. Acceptance into any Indiana University or College for music ed wasn't going to be a problem this time, it was money. I wasn't ever smart enough and applied myself in classes to get the good scholarships, didn't qualify grants so..... loans it would have been. I would have been on my own for all of it. Working the nearly full time hours at a fast food joint I was already working plus my school hours and band wasn't going to pay for that to even begin.  So..... due to that, music was over. After S&E it was over. My flute teacher said that she would no longer see me after S&E because I was not going to a college for music. Given that, I was bound to make S&E work. I was going to do the flute choir and also a flute solo. The choir didn't work out for a few reasons, my work hours plus school demands just didn't allow me the practice time I really needed and I couldn't make all the practices that were needed for different reasons.




 
Movement 3 and Movement 4 in Sonata in C Major by Handel


In the realm of my music world, this was the pinnacle of it. Getting a first division for a Division I solo at both district and State.
I did it!!




All of them

From high school, these were my top favorite pieces that I remember..... There were sooo many more played and many I've forgotten but not all.

Shenandoah by Frank Ticheli,
Divertimento by Persichetti
Variations on a Korean Folk Song by John Chance
Those three just my senior year.

Dragoons of Villars by Albert F. Schoepper
Symphonic Suite by Clifton Williams
Ireland of Legend and Lore by Robert Smith
Masque by Francis McBeth

Those from mainly freshman year but some from sophomore and junior also. I excluded the Holst piece because I mentioned it earlier.


That is where the road ended.
Or so I thought.


Now, it was essentially over for me. I went on to community college, got a degree and started in that. I went five years before really playing again, and even though I'm nowhere near as good as I once was, and probably never will be, I play in our local community band and at church.I started playing in the church in early 2006. Community band in 2008. In community band, I play second flute. I'm fine with that now too. I know I'm not as good as I once was and it's not about being "the best" anymore anyway. I've blogged some in here about being an adult musician and music. I've got so many favorites from community band, there's too many to even list here. Though we have played some that I have also played in high school.

Part of what's affected my playing now is being one with adult onset hearing loss. It has had it's own challenges in the music world. The first audiogram where I was told I was losing my hearing was back in 2007. My left ear was worse and it still is. Though I had to settle with only one hearing aid for some time due to cost and that insurance didn't cover them. It was only in the last few years that I was given a pair of Phonak Bolero Q90-P pair off of someone who had passed away locally. Having an actual pair changed a lot for me. That technology may not have been "ideal" for especially my type of hearing loss but at least it worked and I could still play. I remember one Sunday where I was playing at church and both died at the same time. No warning. I barely heard anything through the earmolds.... I sure had a new appreciation for it. Think of earmolds as earplugs of themselves with a small vent hole to allow extra back out. Now play and listen to everyone else on stage. I kinda panicked even though nobody else saw it. Thankfully I had batteries with me that day but I couldn't just swap out in the middle of that. I recently got the Starkey Muse hearing aids thanks to new insurance covering. So far they are working pretty well for the music world. Programs help!

My family has always been rich in the music world. I was determined to keep myself going with it and I hoped my children would want to, but I was not going to push them into it if they didn't want to.


This last spring my daughter did instrument tryouts. Not playing but seeing how good tone and stuff is. Her scores were amazing! And she chose trumpet, as she wanted. She'd had a trumpet for a bit now but using it more for playing on/with and not serious learning yet.



She has since started 6th grade, in band, did her first concert and I think she's hooked. She said she chose trumpet because that would keep me as the "traitorous woodwind in the family while everyone else was brass!" 🤣 (Woodwinds are better! #SorryNotSorry !!) I've been told that she's doing really well also.

I as of this summer, started learning the clarinet, as I always wanted. I'm not very good at it yet but I am learning and I am getting some lessons as well. I will never give up the flute but eventually I want the clarinet to take me into church and community band stuff too. I can never rewind and do marching and all of that again but that's fine. being a musician offers many, many memories for me. I have no regrets in playing the flute and I'm not going to dismiss the 25 years I've done on it either.






My darling daughter wants me to also learn the trumpet with her. Who knows how far that will go. The good news is, as she gets better and I get better on the clarinet, we can play the same sheet music. (Same instrument key. I can't play the flute with trumpet or clarinet music and have it sound right.)


I hope in time, band will continue for all of us in one way or another. I look forward to the next generation, my children getting to see what a blessing belonging to something like that is. To know that no matter how good or not they are, they are all a part of something. They all make music. My son is only four but he has expressed interest. He can keep the beat! Now if he does, that's up to him just like it was my daughter.



Myself, as a now band parent part of Band Boosters, I can do more for my children than what was done for me. That I can show them through all the struggles, the darkness, the wars within my own soul, that I found something I can love doing. That I found something meaningful, joyful and it requires no words. That they can take this music world, either by band, orchestra, choir, whatever it is, and they can enjoy that.That I can make as many competitions and concerts as possible, and no matter how they score or do, I can cheer them on, and do it loud! Louder than a trumpet can play!

The medical world may be much of what I talk about but music is the other. It's not a matter so much of playing well, it's playing with passion, no matter what instrument you play.

Blessings!
~ Special Momma ~