Particles of Sand, Rain Like Shards

How the world can still spin after so much goes wrong it amazes me.... So many are so dumbed down that they don't see the enemy right in front of them, ready to devour.

Credit

I'm listening to Audiomachine again and when I do, it's like it just feeds my writing energy and thoughts so you have been warned.
As the rain gently falls today, I can't help but think of it as it being God's tears over the grief in his heart over the world be so full of hate, greed, poverty, hate filled humans killing their young in awful ways, the sad state that we as the world have become.
Yet I also see the rain as it is when a storm is blowing in, high winds causing the rain to sting our faces like tiny glass shards from something previously shattered, the winds sweeping us off our feet and onto our faces in helpless and hopeless fury with no signs of mercy in the ongoing rage.
Someday there will be victory on both sides of that. As each storm passes, hang onto knowing that it will pass, eventually. We rise to victory only to be pushed down by a wave of hurt but we shall stand again and this time not fall. We walk through those problems and see the light. It may take weeks, months, years but we still have the light and hope to go on.

Each second in time passes like a grain of sand on the beach, all going to and from the vast oceans across our planet. Each grain of sand didn't start out like that. They started from one solid piece of earth and over time as it got more and more worn, the more it broke down till it eventually became millions or perhaps billions of particles of sand. I'd imagine there are probably as many particles of sand on our planet as there are stars in our galaxy.

Yet people claim there is no God, it is just happenstance that we are all here, as we are now. Yet with how dark this world is, I can see why some question if there is a God.
When will we wake up? "We are but sparks lost in a hostile universe. But together, our sheen may bathe this world in glory!" - Garrett Gregory
Nations, kingdoms and empires that are divided, will fall like a house of cards....... When we are united, we would be an army undefeated. The greatest battle we humans are within is the battle with every individual self. And that battle is led within ourselves,and that is a battle for the greater "I".
Deluded mind is our opponent,and it's up to us to change it. Yet will we change it? Are we all really only for ourselves anymore? Working at our jobs just to make money, buying our kids the latest things so they will shut up and let us do what we want, then wonder why they want nothing to do with us later.... Is it all about making everyone else happy when in reality we are dying inside? That inner death causes us all to become cold and calloused to everything and everyone around us to the point where even the horrors we see on the news or social media doesn't even phase us anymore. No outrage (Unless it's about political correctness) no sadness, no sorrow, no empathy, no compassion, just every man and child for himself. Seeing a child get beaten to death with no punishment to the murderer, the elderly forced to starve to death in their own feces, healthCARE having no regard to the CARE of others, just making money and forcing those who really need CARE to suffer and possibly die just to gain a bigger profit. Governments spending on themselves and politicians to the point of debt that can't be saved on the blood of those who died to make the nation what it now is. 

Is that how many think it works? Is this what we are as humans now? Is this what we have become?

We are all individually just merely a tiny speck of sand trying to find our place in the world... Trying to find our purpose, our meaning of life, our dreams and hopes all vying to either come true or shatter into tiny sharp shards piercing our hearts in just a moment in time. Is it that there is so much evil and hate in this world that we all have grown cold knowing that those titans will be after us, just ready to throw us to the abyss at a moment's notice? Yet if we all were united and heated, each of us that is a grain of sand will become glass, that can be used for beauty, protection and as a weapon. Which will we all choose? 

Reincarnate My Heart :
Here comes the darkest part
Of the world, ripping lives apart,
Filled with rage and fear
Like the end is getting near,
When the truth is found no more
Don't give up nor ignore,
Scrape together all your strength
Arise for your love and fight to death,
Though the celestial sphere has darkened
It should never be forgotten,
That you've promised to always stay
To never give up and run away,
As the sky is falling apart
Always remember in your heart,
After each and every rain
To heal all your wounds and pain,
Emerges a radiance of seven shades
Like how a true love never fades....
~~ Fiona BlueStar (YouTube) ~~


So much hurt, pain and anger almost everyone carries. The older we get the worse we get. Maybe better in a sense since we all wear masks to hide from everyone else in the world. Perhaps that's why Jesus said to be like the little children. They have not let the world harden them, and those that have still have the chance to be healed, given the right people. Our bodies are nothing but a place where we choose to have the soul within us be seen. The good, bad and ugly. 

The Nameless Heroes

By: Silent Watcher

Here they stand

In a world of great sorrow.

In a world of lost values.

Here they stand

In a land of great beauty.

In a land of hope.

They who watch from the shadows.

Here they stand

In a paradox of painful joy.

In a sea of confused waters.

Where the titans walk among the dwarves.

Here they stand

In a place they can't seize.

In a place they can't exist in. 

Through time they see.

Through ages they form.

A myth they can't unsee.

Here they stand.

Among history's greatest.

Among history's nameless.

In unwritten times they be.

In unrevealed events they do.

Here they stand

Among thieves.

Among gods.

Among ghosts.

The last men standing.

The last men hoping.

No songs to be sung.

No stories to be told.

Here they stand.

World's fearless warriors.

World's nameless heroes.


I took one of those supposed personality quizzes this morning. It said I was an emotional introvert. I wouldn't say I am overall an introvert but... "Most defining characteristics: You are sensitive, melancholic and a perfectionist.
You are a very emotional, caring and dedicated person. You believe that there is a bigger picture in life, one that we can’t really see, but we can feel. 
You are very compassionate, strong minded, and devoted to your beliefs. 
Although you tend to get melancholic, your ability to empathize for others is a true gift and you possess a sort of kindness that is rare."

I do get melancholic fairly often.... I definitely agree with that. Frequently when I get lost in thoughts that is when my mind goes all over the place, usually flirting with melancholy but not in the sense of depression. It's different. Just sadness for where we are, the issues all around us, yet nobody willing or able to stand up and fight it hard enough that it makes a difference. There is a darkness in this world that exists at the edge of thought. Sometimes, in moments of silence, it creeps too close. The air is too thick to breathe. Can't catch ones breath. An  anguished cry crawls up your throat, begging for release.  But you hold it in. You wont let it hurt anyone else but yourself. 

Fire today, Frost tomorrow
If hate progresses greed will follow
Who's here to tell us whats right or wrong?
Is our morality ultimately strong?
Or is it a figment of our imagination?
Like emotion, just another sensation?
Do we do the things we do, just because they're right?
Or are we all evil when out of sight?
~ DUCTAPE ~

Not all wars will be won that we fight. We can hope for the best but sometimes we will walk away defeated. There are days when the storm just will suck us under.... Those days it's only God who keeps us alive.... I don't mean just physically either. Every single day we are at war, the war between our heads and our hearts. Often what is at stake is our very soul or the souls of others around us. Heavy burdens that we often feel we can't keep carrying, especially when the weight is added to by rain, sand, wind, and darkness. 


Make your heartbreak the reason you succeed. May God give you the strength to face each day's new battles or the ongoing ones with wisdom, patience and guidance. May the burdens we carry be lifted... May each of as a grain of sand on Earth make a difference to those titans who try to defeat us into the abyss. May the stinging rain and wind in our lives not stop us from going to battle, even when we know we stand against Goliath. It was just a rock David used that killed the giant. Victories will come, even if there are times we don't see it. I think it is then in those moments we need to look back and see where we have come from, where we have been and survived and remember that if we can get through some of those impossible places we once were, we can again. 


~ Special Momma ~ 

Open Letter (Pt. 3)

Last post on this topic, which if you have read the first two, you know I covered A LOT already.

To be honest, when I first sat down to start this one, I knew there would be a post but I wasn't sure what all needed to be said. Then I went last night and saw God's Not Dead 2. I thought the movie was good, like the first one, in fact, better.  Looked it up online and it had 9% on Rotten Tomatoes YET a crude comedy like Sausage Party got 82% as of the check I did last night after I got home.....

Why is that? This society would rather see crude sex filled movies and TV over anything family friendly and especially faith based.

The other day I was with a group of Christian women. Most of them decided to go see the movie Bad Mom. I was curious and read up on that. Now I'm not perfect, I mean I admit one of my favorite novels and movies is The Green Mile. Yeah, not what you would call Christian..... But movies like Bad Mom and Sausage Party really set the tone for what people want to watch, even Christians and those of other conservative faiths. Is that what we want others to see within us? If movies like those make huge bucks, then more like those will be made.....
Everything that we put into our hearts will eventually come out of our mouth. Everything.

Grace Wesley: I would rather stand with God and be judged by the world, than stand with the world and be judged by God.

Soon enough and in fact court cases have already proven it, we will all to some degree or another face judgment for our faith.

At the end of God's Not Dead 2, Pastor Dave was arrested for refusing to turn in his sermons per a supena that all pastors had to follow.

Think it's absurd? Rest assured, it's coming. The question then will be:

WILL YOU STAND FOR YOUR FAITH, EVEN ALONE OR WOULD YOU RATHER KEEP THE PEACE AND JUST BE SILENT?

SILENCE IS THE ENEMY OF TRUTH! 

Why do you think there is so many issues in politics? No I'm not going to start that one but think on it. Because nobody wants to tell the truth and when truth is revealed, it's covered up, especially by the media. Even when some of the truth comes out, it's so altered towards either right or left wing that it is completely biased for either side. That's NOT TRUTH!

If' it's not 100% truth, then it's a lie. Period!


I would rather stand with God myself than the world. Yet for all of us, it's a struggle. It's like we want to do what is right but struggle just to do it! "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." Romans 7:18

If you don't tell them the truth the world will tell them what they want them to know!
Romans 10:14-15
"But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them? And how will anyone go and tell them without being sent? That is why the Scriptures say, “How beautiful are the feet of messengers who bring good news!"

Another quote I have heard was this: "The nail that sticks up, gets hammered down."

The one who doesn't play by the rules, doesn't go with the crowd, doesn't bend to what the world says to do vs their faith, is the one who gets attacked the most. Yet sometimes those attacks really test us all..... The worst thing we can do to each other is to punish and isolate or label those who are suffering with the wright of this world. One of the worst things we can do to each other is to gossip and label other brothers and sisters in Christ, bad example at best and really damaging to the one being gossiped about and yourself at worst.

These three open letters to all say that so many need prayers, love and support..... This country needs wisdom and guidance to do what is morally right.......

I'll end this with something that was shared the other night that I heard. There is a company that takes used, empty water bottles and turns it into clothing. Yeah, plastic into clothes. Used, empty and worthless trash to warm clothing. Think about it.
No matter how used, empty or worthless you think you are, or feel you are, YOU are and will continue to be transformed into treasure. Even if the worldly view of treasure is different than God's view, God's ultimately is all that matters.

God turns all trash into treasure.


Blessings!

~ Special Momma ~

Open Letter (Pt. 2)

I don't regret yesterday's post. I have not heard grief about it yet which I hate to admit I expected, and it may still happen.

I call this blog Rainbow in the Storm, yet there are days the rainbows are hard to find, and even sometimes you can't. Yet there are always blessings to be found, somewhere.

I was told last night by a few dear ladies that perhaps why there is so much struggle in what I presented yesterday is because I am too strong, bold, outspoken and always ready for battle. Good qualities but likely overwhelming and intimidating for most. Is that why most of what I write I face criticism for when it comes to faith? Because of that and that I tell it like it is, smelling good or not? I'm too brash and not soft enough for those who get feelings hurt easily?

Everything's fine or so I pretend. That's what the world says to do, I refuse. When everything is not fine, I say something, liked or not.

Is that what it's all about? I have always been hard to handle, I'll admit that but I also don't go down without a fight. Everyone who knows me or has read my stuff knows that.

Dear heart , 

Can you love back those who love you?

Can you stop caring about the ones who left? 

Who don't care? 

Who won't come back?

Is it that I'm just simply not finding contentment in where I am? (Not pertaining to my kids or husband, just ME.) I have always been a warrior. Sometimes I think if a past life existed, I would have been Xena or something, because I'm always geared for battle, with something or someone. I think that's why I'm such a good advocate for my kids.

Maybe everyone thinks I look like this and that's why. lol

We were asked in our Bible Study last night a few questions and in our small groups we talked about them. I wish now I could remember all the questions asked but it pertained to how we are serving, if we are and where. One was if we could serve anywhere without limitations, where would we serve?

I would want to serve those moms who are overwhelmed and don't feel welcomed in society due to either just people being judgmental or more specifically to the moms who have children with special needs of any sort who just don't feel like they have a place anywhere. I am that mother. Maybe it's just that I don't see it and everyone else does or really there is truth to it.

It's always been a struggle.... I have been told that I should step out more, talk to others more, put myself out there. Yet so often when I do, I'm brushed off or ignored. For so long I was so that's also why it's hard now for me to even try. Even now it still happens. How do I do that when I already feel devalued, underappreciated and uncared/unloved by many? Oh we have some who have been fantastic and I  know they really do care for us as a family. I won't name names as I know they wouldn't want that but there are a few. Yet why can't I see beyond?

Then it dawned on me this morning:

It's hard to be understood when you know so few are willing to even try to understand.

I serve and/or am a part of quite a bit in the ministry and community band. Probably to the point of being too thinned out yet don't feel appreciated, or honestly valued in much of that ..... My own fault maybe but the way it is. In some of it, I feel like I'm purposely left out of stuff and my family is priority so I don't do as much as I probably should in that yet I am always there when asked. Perhaps not where my heart should be but I'm just being honest.

Facebook, oh Facebook is a blessing but sometimes so evil. I wouldn't be able to share the journey with other families without it. Especially with all I have been able to learn over the years to better help my children and know better how to be ready for battle. Yet Facebook is evil also in the sense that it doesn't help many either. It does and doesn't. You see, Facebook is a platform that the user shows only what they want the world to see. Reality or not. It is also the platform where the world sees who matters to everyone and who doesn't. And don't start me on the political and religious stuff either.

Facebook is used where people can show off their friends, vacations, family, money, etc. Some use it to be real and show what life really is for them, each season, each day, etc. I was that. I was one to keep it real. Now not so much. Nobody wants to hear reality, they want fantasy.

You can't get through life thinking it's just a fantasy. That's pathetic and unrealistic.


Yet for many, Facebook increases isolation. Facebook shows many where they really are in the social standing of their communities, both literal location and cyber neighborhoods. Think on that. Oh and better not be too outspoken on there or else you are breaching sacred rules. Many of those I'm "friends" with have unfollowed me and many over the years have unfriended/blocked me. I have a relative in fact who has friended me and unfriended me twice now and wants to be friends again. Not doing it. Take all of me or leave all of me.

Yet then why also do many, especially those like me, have more of a social life online than in real life? And when you do try to do it in real life, you are brushed off?

Do people look at me and see this? Is that why?

I'm being kinda funny yet serious. Do I walk into IEP meetings, appointments, church, MOPS, Bible Studies, etc looking like this or the other one to everyone? I don't see that when I look in the mirror. When I look in the mirror, I see me, a mom of two great kids, a wife to a loving and patient husband and honestly blessed. Yet then why do I also see the exhaustion, frustration, pain and isolation that I feel over what life is? I have been asked why I am always on guard, ready for a battle. Always being ready for battle of itself is exhausting yet earlier today proved I have no choice...... I live in a world where from day to day it's not as much a battle of life and death, thankfully but it is a matter of preservation and the ability to preserve the services and care my children have day in and day out. That is the daily battle. Yes, there are surgery days, appointments, MRI's, IEP/IPP/IFSP meetings, therapies and those meetings, etc. That just adds to it. 

Like a soldier in war, they have to be equipped in gear, ammo and weapons at all times, even in sleep so when the call comes in to go into battle, they are ready anytime. That is the life for many of us, to one degree or another. Some would rate it on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being most critical but many of us who have children that have special needs are warriors just like our children....... So often though, we feel and react to the pain and stress worse than they do...... 

"I figured the best way to ward off bad experiences was to come in with guns loaded, ready to shoot down enemies and arguments, armed with an answer for every possible scenario. Carrying all that ammunition took its toll on me." From HERE

Read the other day and today it proves true yet again as I shared a bit ago.....

Is this really what life is? Constant battles for any sort of standing in society and with God?

Speaking of God, soon in Celebrate Recovery I will be doing my personal inventory. I know that list will be very long..... Most have been dealt with but not all..... I'll be candid, perhaps too bold and say that yes I am a believer, yes I know Jesus died for someone like me but I struggle with why. Why for me? Why if I have this faith do I struggle so much still with the "why's" of life and with having faith in the future of my family. I would rather suffer than have my husband or my children. I grew up surviving a lot when in all reality, I should be dead or in prison by now yet am not.

Why? Don't just tell me God's grace, I want more than that. I want solid reasons, not just something said to appease masses. Yeah often I think that God is in Heaven shaking his head at me and his head in his hands but still..... lol
Honestly, I want more solid answers than just God's grace, sin in this world, God's plan, etc. type answers. Yeah, that may be the best I get but I want more. "You are a social outcast because of _____" not just because "God put you there for a reason." That type of thing. Also how do we truly love and accept others as we SHOULD with grace YET make sure that we don't allow ourselves to be doormats, used, abused, etc.


I also said yesterday:

"I never have fit in anywhere, yet maybe not fitting in means you are meant to stand out.

But where to stand out or share my presence at? Most where I do, I am not appreciated, loved or even acknowledged. It's something I have always struggled with off and on all my life...... I feel more at home at the Ronald McDonald House in Dallas than most anywhere (Beyond my own house of course)"


I remarked on that last night in my ladies group. It was brought up to me that maybe I have been called to go beyond blogging and advocating just for my kids. Maybe either within my church, my community or possibly changing all of that entirely, that I should start and coordinate a MOPS themed like group for JUST moms who have children with special needs. Mental or physical. Not keep it exclusive to all pre-k either, Pregnancy through even adult children. The idea I got thinking on last night was IF it gets enough and big enough, do a large group where we do potluck, devotional and a craft/discussion then break off into smaller groups geared toward our children's ages (developmentally or physically) and have small group discussions.

A LOT to think on with that.

No matter how dark anytime in life gets, I also agree with the next one but will also add that light will come again.

When it comes to me: Be all in or get out. There is no half-way when it comes to one who says they will be committed to you, your cause, your family, etc. Nothing honestly grates me more than those who say, "Yeah, I'm your friend, thick and thin, no matter what." 99.9% of them don't mean that.... Cynical but tell me that's a lie..... 

I see that all the time from people too.... When either I'm too tough to handle or our story is too hard to handle they flee. Most just ignore me or make up excuses. Hence, being a hermit hurts less because then you don't have to face that...... Not the right way but it is a way......

So all of that to say that by the time this life is over and I face my judgment day, I have times where I wonder if God will say I got anything right in whatever years I have here yet when that day comes, I want and hope to say that I may have failed with everything but I have not with my husband and kids..... I hope I at least have that right......


~ Special Momma ~


Part 3, the final one to come soon. 

Open Letter

"God has not given us these children to punish us. Their lives were not an accident; they are not an anomaly in God’s eyes. In His perfect wisdom, He chose to give us the children He did. God knew the route would be difficult, but He’s given us an excellent guidebook. God has placed a challenging and oftentimes wearisome calling before us, but He’s equipped us for the task!"

― from "Unlocking the Treasure: A Bible Study for Moms Entrusted with Special-Needs Children"

For so long throughout the years, I have admittedly struggled with my place in the world. Of course I'm a wife and mother but more than that. Where is my place within my church? A church? Community? Society? I'm still trying to figure it all out.... I'm all over the place in this post but please read to the end.

Women have a need to feel connected to others around them. I think that's why there is a MOPS group for example but not a DOPS or something like it for dads. That sounded corny but you get my point. 

"To be a vital member of the church you cannot erect walls around your soul. You cannot judge others in the body. You must be vulnerable and give people the chance to love you. You have to be honest. If you're hurting say so. If you see someone else hurting pray with her or him. Don't isolate yourself from your church. If you don't go to a church that is friendly, that loves Jesus, believes the Bible is God's word and is willing to let you be you maybe you aren't at the right church."

― from "They Say My Child Isn't Perfect: Seeing God's Plan for Your Special-Needs Child"

As Christians we are called to:

Love one another (John 13:34)

Look out for one another (Phillippians 2:4)

Correct one another (Galatians 6:1)

Share one another's burdens (Galatians 6:2)

Suffer with one another (1 Corinthians 12:26

Pray for one another (Ephesians 6:18

Encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

“People grow when they are loved well. If you want to help others heal, love them without an agenda.”

— Mike McHargue"

How do you grow then when often you don't feel it? Do you struggle with that? When you are a socialite yet know your heart will ache less being a hermit? "Conversations with other moms who understand the joys and frustrations of motherhood."

No, most don't. Sorry but most don't.  I see it every day that unless you are talking about "normal" motherhood stuff, you don't fit in anywhere. I never have fit in anywhere, yet maybe not fitting in means you are meant to stand out.

But where to stand out or share my presence at? Most where I do, I am not appreciated, loved or even acknowledged. It's something I have always struggled with off and on all my life...... I feel more at home at the Ronald McDonald House in Dallas than most anywhere (Beyond my own house of course)

Let me say the following first: 

Is the desire you have to gossip, hold disdain, judge, hate, reject, bully, back stabbing, etc toward others really worth the cost of them rejecting being a Christian and Jesus Christ because of how you represent Christ? Is it worth treating them to the point where they want nothing to do with church or worse, Christ at all?

Think about it. 

It's that something Jesus did? NO!! In fact, he did the exact opposite!! He embraced and hung out with those who the religious leaders and Pharisees then saw as worthless and evil, and scum. How is one to turn from the darkness if you refuse to show them the light with grace, mercy and understanding??

Think on it. You were once in the darkness too, some of you think you are not now but you are fooled. If you refuse to be like Christ, then you are still in darkness. There is no gray area. You are either following Christ or you are not.

Yet on the flip side, Can you love a fellow Christian who is struggling with those issues or worse? Since only the Holy Spirit can change a person, what is our role as a brother or sister in Christ when we see a friend struggle with sin?

What are you going to do about it??

Those higher in the ranks get more love and support then those on the lower rungs. The way the social order of human life has always worked. That's the other reason why I get so intense on this because that is NOT what CHRIST wanted us to be like..... That is how the Pharisees were.

What can do you do about that? Go volunteer with meals at a homeless shelter, an orphanage, or a domestic violence shelter, a children's shelter, or even more. They are considered the outcasts of society and even often churches treat them as such, so show them who Jesus is. Not just talking about but acting on it.

For some in this world, YOU may be the only Jesus they have seen, EVER!

 (No pressure guys)

How would you want Jesus portrayed to those around you? As a all loving, He died for you He loved you that much Jesus or the Jesus that all too often is portrayed and that's the exclusive, members only club that if you don't dress, act or look perfect, you are excluded?

Again:
For some in this world, YOU may be the only Jesus they have seen, EVER! 


 Sometimes all some need is someone to just sit and talk to while you do dishes.... Or watch the child nap while mom is fighting insurance issues.... It's when a congregation puts blinders on and doesn't see that there is true need... That's when we fail to be like Jesus and when people are put off... Physical need not just spiritual.... There is no such thing as someone's problem or struggle being harder than anyone else's.... Hard is hard... You can't look at what we go through and say it would be harder for someone else.... Just like a pain scale... What a pain level if 10 is for some is only a level 3 for others.... Same goes for hard....

People so often are so wrapped up in their own world that they are too blind to see that really we should all be connected. If we are all connected as Christians as Christ is to us, then why don't we act like it? Don't just tell me a fallen world either. Seriously, think about it. We are all guilty at one time or another, even me...... 

So why don't we act like it? Why do we keep our cliques, groups, statuses, etc and let those be the walls that stand in our way of reaching out to others? Remember that story going around about the pastor who dressed as a homeless man before church? That particular story turned out to be a fake but it had a really good point to it. HERE is the link but most is copied here. 

"The new pastor transformed himself into a homeless person and went to the 10,000 member church that he was to be introduced as the head pastor at that morning. He walked around his soon to be church for 30 minutes while it was filling with people for service, only 3 people out of the 7-10,000 people said hello to him. He asked people for change to buy food - NO ONE in the church gave him change. He went into the sanctuary to sit down in the front of the church and was asked by the ushers if he would please sit n the back. He greeted people to be greeted back with stares and dirty looks, with people looking down on him and judging him.

As he sat in the back of the church, he listened to the church announcements and such. When all that was done, the elders went up and were excited to introduce the new pastor of the church to the congregation. "We would like to introduce to you Pastor Jeremiah Steepek." The congregation looked around clapping with joy and anticipation. The homeless man sitting in the back stood up and started walking down the aisle. The clapping stopped with ALL eyes on him. He walked up the altar and took the microphone from the elders (who were in on this) and paused for a moment then he recited, 

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

'The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

After he recited this, he looked towards the congregation and told them all what he had experienced that morning. Many began to cry and many heads were bowed in shame. He then said, "Today I see a gathering of people, not a church of Jesus Christ. The world has enough people, but not enough disciples. When will YOU decide to become disciples?" 

He then dismissed service until next week.

Being a Christian is more than something you claim. It's something you live by and share with others."

How are we REALLY going to reach out to those who don't know the Lord if we are going to let our own barriers get in the way of that? If we are quick to judge others for whatever they look like, social status, wealth, etc then how are we going to do what God wants us to do and reach out to them? Shouldn't we all strive to be more Christ like? Did Jesus stay with only his disciples and also only 'hang out' with the  religious? NO! He went where the 'scum of the Earth' was. He went to the Gentiles and even the Samaritans and they were considered worse then Gentiles back then! Did that stop him? NO! They need to know God's love too, perhaps even more so then the 'religious holier then thou' Pharisees who hated Jesus. The Pharisees knew the Word but had their hearts hardened to what was really right in front of them. It was the 'scum of the Earth' who Christ changed the hearts of the most. "I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners and need to repent." Luke 5:32

"What I found out was just how conditional love can be. Sure, people loved my family — as long as we fit into their idea of what “lovable” looks like. But Travis at that age just didn’t. So they didn’t love us. And they seemed appalled that we should expect otherwise." 

I fight with this so often as well. "I figured the best way to ward off bad experiences was to come in with guns loaded, ready to shoot down enemies and arguments, armed with an answer for every possible scenario. Carrying all that ammunition took its toll on me."
From HERE
This family had been told by their children's minister that their son was not welcome at kids church unless one of the parents stayed with him at all times.


Is this how we want to portray ourselves as Christians? Do we really want to portray ourselves as an club only allowed for those who have the perfect appearance, status, grades, etc? 

Jesus didn't care about any of that, he cared about the HEART! 

Just because we don't like what others say or do or behave doesn't mean they don't need the love of Christ any more or less than you. 

Law without love is legalism. We can't truly love God till we learn how to really love others, even the worst of sinners.
When we touch others without love, we are lying about God.

For me, I'm not here to make friends with all of those who is in my life or the life of my kids. My job is to do what God wants me to, a wife to my husband and to be a parent for my kids. Being a parent for my child means I have to sometimes do things I don't want to do. I have to sometimes hear things I don't want to hear. However I do the best I can with what I have because I know it's what is right. Yeah, I wish the crystal ball worked more times than not but then where is my faith? All one can do is eat the elephant one bite at a time.... Eventually the whole thing will be done. I know it will be. The saying though, live by faith, not by sight you know the one. I look forward to the day that my faith will be seen by sight too. The day that I know I will go to my heavenly home. That is the happy ending I speak of. Best part is my family will be there too. This dark world will not last forever. "GOD HAD WON, CHRIST PREVAILED!" In the meantime, I'm grateful for what I do have even if the future worries me..... Worries me more then I care to admit sometimes..... And of course thank God He forgives me when I screw up.... 

Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10

My children are loved, I know they are. By many. Yet why do I struggle the older I get feeling like I don't belong anywhere, let alone among those who only face the normal day to day stuff? I don't fit in that.... I think as women especially we struggle so much with wanting to be a part of something, especially with others around us. As a special needs mom, it's sometimes worse. Especially in a small town where there are few of us and even less resources where we all can connect. Yet as I'm learning the hard way, sometimes it's better to be alone, and even then, an outcast. Hosea was an outcast and he is in the Bible despite that. Why?

Look at the amazing story I'm about to share. Hosea is the perfect example of how Christ sees us, and therefore we should care for others. (Not be used or abused mind you but SERVE and LOVE others) 

Do you know the story of Hosea? If not read the following from HERE

Hosea was the first of the "minor" prophets. Often, we do not recognize the derivation of these Bible names, but this prophet's name would be "Joseph" in English. And his name is related to the name Joshua, which means "salvation." Hosea was a young preacher in the nation of Israel, the northern kingdom, and he was a contemporary of the prophets Isaiah and Amos. He lived, as we are told in the first verse, during the reigns of Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz, and Hezekiah (kings of Judah, the Southern Kingdom), and during the reign of Jeroboam, the son of Joash, the king of Israel. Jeroboam was one of the wicked kings of Israel and the nation was going through a difficult time when Hosea was preaching. People were "living it up," as we might say, and didn't have much time for God. They wouldn't have said that, of course; nobody ever says that when it is true. Instead they may have said something like we do -- that it was just a case of not having quite enough time to meet the demands that God made upon them; they were so busy with so many other important things. The spirit was willing but the flesh was ready for the weekend.

So, as always, people didn't pay much attention to Hosea. He spoke of judgment and of chastisement. He said that God was going to raise up the Assyrian nation to punish this people and that fierce and ruthless army would sweep across the land like a scourge. But the people paid little attention to him, and they said that Hosea's God must be a pretty vengeful sort to talk like that. Hosea tried to tell them that wasn't so. He said that God was a God of love and that his doing this was the very activity of love; that God wanted them to see what they were doing to themselves and that the only way he could get them to listen was to make things rough for them. But they didn't pay any more attention than people do today about things like that. Instead, they blamed God and said, "If God is really a God of love, then why does he let things get in such a mess? How could a God of love ever send a ruthless people like the Assyrians down upon our land?"

And so young Hosea found that his audience was diminishing. People were polite to his face, I suppose, but they sneered behind his back. He found that he was being given the nice-and-harmless treatment. That is what people usually do to preachers. When I was in England once, I met an Anglican clergyman who said that what bothered him most both before and during the time of the Battle of Britain were the signs in the public squares that read, "All persons must register for the draft except women, children, idiots and clergymen." He said he didn't mind so much being included on that list, but he wished they had at least put him ahead of the idiots.

So Hosea is rather discouraged and in the opening chapter of this little book of prophecy we read a personal note about him. He went to God and God told him to do a strange thing. God said, "I want you to get married." I think Hosea brightened up at that, because he was a bachelor, and God said, "I have a girl picked out for you." When he mentioned her name, Hosea's heart must have fluttered, because the name of this girl was Gomer, the most beautiful girl in Israel. Hosea was definitely interested.

But God said to him, "I want you to know the whole story about this girl. I want you to marry her, but she is going to be unfaithful to you; in fact, she will become nothing but a common street prostitute. But I want you to marry her anyway." Now undoubtedly Hosea was very puzzled by God's strange command just as Abraham was puzzled by God's command that he take his son out and kill him, put his own son to death. God does strange things at times, things we don't always understand, things we can't categorize, things that don't fit into what we think we know of him. And this is one of those strange things. He told Hosea, "I want you to marry this girl and she is going to be a harlot, a common street prostitute. But you are going to have three children, two boys and a girl. And when they are born I want to name them for you. " Perhaps Hosea then began to understand a little bit of what God was doing. He knew it was customary in Israel to teach by symbols -- God often used this method of instructing his people -- and that names were very important. God often used the meanings of names to teach Israel certain truths. And now God was planning to use this prophet and his family as an object lesson for his people.

This was happening also with his friend Isaiah down in the Southern Kingdom. Isaiah, also, had two boys. Their names are jaw-breakers to pronounce, but they mean something. The younger boy's name was Shearjashub, which means "a remnant shall return." That was God's promise to Israel that even though they were taken into captivity, a remnant would come back. The older boy's name was Mahershalalhashbaz. I don't know how they ever called these children in for lunch in those days. Mahershalalhashbaz means "haste to the prey" or "haste to the spoil," and it was God's prophetic way of telling the nation that they were in deep trouble. But he also comforted them with the words "a remnant shall return."

So Hosea went courting. Sure enough, Gomer was attracted to this shy young man, and at last he summoned up the courage to ask her to marry him. To his great relief, she said yes, and they were married. At first it was heaven on earth. Hosea loved this girl. You can't read this prophecy without seeing that. They must have been wonderfully happy together, and then they had their first child. It was a boy, as God had said. Hosea's heart was filled to bursting, and he went to God for the name of this boy. "What should we name the lad?" To his surprise, God picked the name Jezreel. Now Jezreel means "cast-away" and was a name of shame in Israel. Do you remember the bloody story of Queen Jezebel and Ahab? Ahab cheated his neighbor out of his property and stole his neighbor's vineyard, and Jezebel was the wicked queen who put him up to it. At last God's judgment fell upon her. She was looking out her upper story window one day when a general, Jehu, was down in the courtyard, and he ordered the servants to throw Jezebel out the window. They threw her out and she fell on the pavement and was killed, and the dogs ate her up, and the courtyard has been called Jezreel ever since. (2 Kings 9:30-37)

Nevertheless, that was the name that God picked for Hosea's oldest boy, his first son. And that was the name Hosea gave to his baby, for he understood that God was thus warning his people: they too would be cast away if they didn't recognize the folly of their actions, if they didn't turn from going after idols and giving way to abominable practices and trying to be like everybody else around them. God was warning them with this baby's name.

In the course of time, another child. a daughter, was born to Hosea. This one was named Loruhamah, which means "not pitied." Imagine naming your little baby girl "not pitied." It meant that God would no longer have pity on his people if they continued their stubborn rebellion. His patience was wearing thin. After some hundreds of years of trying to reach this stubborn people, he was now warning them that they were getting near the end. That a time would come when he would no longer pity them but would hand them over to invading armies.

When this little girl was weaned, Gomer conceived again and bore a third child, another little boy. And this one God named Loammi, "not my people," for God was saying, "you are not my people and I will not be your God." God had said that he would name these children as a sign to his people, but there would come a day of restoration:

"And I will have pity on Not-Pitied,

and I will say to Not-My-People,

'You are my people;'

and he shall say, 'Thou art my God.'" (Hosea 2:23 RSV)

So that even in this time when God was announcing judgment. his grace also was being shown.

Now after this there were no more children in Hosea's household. and Gomer began to fulfill the sad prediction that God had made when he had told Hosea to marry her. What a heartbreak it must have been to this young preacher as he heard the whispers that began to circulate about his wife and about what happened when he was away on preaching trips. Perhaps even his own children may have unconsciously dropped some remarks about the men who visited when Daddy was away. And soon the children were left uncared for while Gomer wasted all her time running around with these other fellows.

One day Hosea came home and found a note from Gomer: she had decided to find the happiness she felt she deserved, and she was leaving him and the children to follow the man she really loved. You know how those notes go: "Dear John..."

About this time a new tone came into Hosea's preaching. He still warned of the judgment to come and the fact that God was going to send the Assyrians down across the land, but no longer did he announce it with thunder. He spoke to them with tears. And he began to speak of a day when love would at last triumph, when -- after the bitter lesson was learned that the way of the transgressor is hard -- Israel would yet turn back to the God who loved her. Instead of "Not pitied," she would be called "Pitied" and instead of "Not my people," she would be named "My people" again.

But poor Gomer passed from man to man, until at last she fell into the hands of a man who was unable to pay for her food and her clothing. Her first lover had given her a mink stole, but this one made her clothe herself from the Goodwill store. News of her miserable state came to the prophet and he sought out the man she was living with. He knew where he would find him, down at the local tavern, and when he met this man, the conversation may have gone something like this. "Are you the man who is living with Gomer, daughter of Diblaim?" The man must have said, "If it's any of your business, I am." Hosea said, "Well, I am Hosea, her husband." A tense moment followed. But the man said, "What do you want? I haven't done anything wrong." Hosea said, "Listen, I'm not interested in causing any trouble. But I know that you are having difficulty making ends meet. I want you to take this money and buy Gomer some clothing and see that she has plenty of food. If you need any more I will give it to you." The man probably must have thought, "There's no fool like an old fool. If this sucker wants to help pay her expenses, that's all right with me." So he took the money and bought her Some groceries and went home.

Now you may say, "That's a foolish thing for a man to do"' But who can explain the madness of love? Love exists apart from reason and has its own reasons. Love does not act according to logic. Love acts according to its own nature. And so Hosea acted on the basis of love. Undoubtedly he watched from a distance to catch a glimpse of the woman he loved as she rushed out the door to take the groceries from this man's arms and to thank him for what he was bringing to her -- the gifts that true love had provided, and that villainy offered, and that folly accepted.

Well, how long this went on we don't know for sure, but at last word came that the woman Hosea loved was to be sold in the slave market. Her current husband had tired of her and she was to be sold as a slave. The brokenhearted prophet didn't know what to do. He went weeping to God. And God said. "Hosea, do you love this woman in spite of all that she has done to you?" Hosea nodded through his tears, and God said. "Then go show your love for her in the same way that I love the nation Israel."

So Hosea went to the marketplace and he watched Gomer brought up and placed on the dock and there she was stripped of all her clothing and stood naked before the crowd. The auctioneer pinched her and prodded her and showed how strong she was, and then the bidding began. Somebody bid three pieces of silver and Hosea raised it to five. Somebody else upped it to eight and Hosea bid ten. Somebody went to eleven; he went to twelve. Then Hosea offered fifteen pieces of silver and a bushel of barley. The auctioneer's gavel fell and Hosea had his wife back.

He went to her and put her clothes on her and he led her away by the hand and took her to his home. And then follows what is perhaps the most beautiful verse in all the Bible. As Hosea led her away he said to her:

"You must dwell as mine for many days; you shall not play the harlot, or belong to another man; so will I also be to you." (Hosea 3:3b RSV)

He pledged his love to her anew. And that was all this poor woman could take. She had gotten down to the very dregs of shame and disgrace, but the love of this man broke her heart, and from this time on Gomer was faithful to Hosea. She became an honest. industrious, faithful wife, and the rest of the book of Hosea simply goes on to tell the effect of this story on the nation of Israel -- God said to them. "How can I give thee up?' He reminded them of his love for them all those years. He reminded them of his goodness, and of how again and again they had turned their backs on him. The final picture of the book is one of beauty and glory, for it looks to the day when Israel shall at last return to God -- her true husband -- and shall say, "What have I to do with idols? I have seen him and heard him and he has won my heart."

Certain outstanding passages in Hosea are remarkable predictions. One occurs at the close of chapter 3, when right in line with this story of Hosea's personal life. God says about the people of Israel:

For the children of Israel shall dwell many days without king or prince, without sacrifice or pillar, without ephod or teraphim. (Hosea 3:4 RSV)

That prophecy is being fulfilled today. The children of Israel shall dwell many days without a king -- without any open, acknowledged government. Ever since the destruction of Jerusalem in 70 A.D. at the hands of General Titus of the Roman armies Israel has been without a king or a prince without anyone who has the recognized right to reign over Israel. And they shall live without a sacrifice. When the Jews of the world celebrate the Passover supper they are remembering that supper instituted in Egypt when Israel was delivered from the hand of Pharaoh. And God had told Israel that every time they ate the Passover they were to kill a lamb. But for two thousand years the Jews have never killed a lamb. Why not? Why do they offer a bone, a burned bone for a sacrifice? God had said that they shall live many days without a sacrifice, and since the destruction of the temple there has never been a sacrifice in Israel -- nor a pillar, ephod or teraphim. And they shall live without idolatry. They shall live as a religious people but without giving themselves to idols.

Then after these days are ended,

Afterward the children of Israel shall return and seek the Lord their God, and David their king; and they shall come in fear to the Lord and to his goodness in the latter days. (Hosea 3:5 RSV)

What a wonderful prophecy that is! And another one similar to it is at the close of chapter 5:

I will return again to my place,

until they acknowledge their guilt and seek my face,

and in their distress they seek me, saying,

"Come, let us return to the Lord;

for he has torn, that he may heal us;

he has stricken, and he will bind us up.

After two days he will revive us;

on the third day he will raise us up,

that we may live before him.

Let us know, let us press on to know the Lord;

his going forth is sure as the dawn;

he will come to us as the showers,

as the spring rains that water the earth." (Hosea 5:15-6:3 RSV)

That is the hope of Israel -- that their Messiah will yet come to them and water them and revive them and raise them up again.

In the closing chapters after all the sorrow in the heart of God you come at last to the final picture:

Return, O Israel, to the Lord your God,

for you have stumbled because of your iniquity. (Hosea 14:1 RSV)

After all it wasn't God who was to blame. He was simply trying to get them to see the truth. And the only thing that can relieve their agony is to return. That's always the case. God can't bless us or restore us until we come back. And so God says:

Take with you words and return to the Lord; say to him,

"Take away all iniquity;

accept that which is good

and we will render the fruit of our lips"[That is praise.]

"Assyria shall not save us,

we will not ride upon horses[no military power is going to avail]

and we will say no more, 'Our God,'

to the work of our hands [idolatry].

In thee the orphan finds mercy." (Hosea 14:2-3 RSV)

God's response is:

I will heal their faithlessness;

I will love them freely,

for my anger has turned from them,

I will be as the dew to Israel;

he shall blossom as the lily,

he shall strike root as the poplar;

his shoots shall spread out; his beauty shall be like the olive,

and his fragrance like Lebanon.

They shall return and dwell beneath my shadow,

they shall flourish as a garden;

they shall blossom as the vine,

their fragrance shall be like the wine of Lebanon.

O Ephraim, what have[you] to do with idols'?

[A better rendering than "what have I"]

It is I who answer and look after you.

I am like an evergreen cypress,

from me comes your fruit. (Hosea 14:4-8 RSV)

And the prophet adds this lesson from his own heartache and yet in the joy of restored love:

Whoever is wise, let him understand these things;

whoever is discerning, let him know them;

for the ways of the LORD are right,

and the upright walk in them,

but transgressors stumble in them. (Hosea 14:9 RSV)

Can you see in this beautiful story all the elements of the eternal triangle? There is the loving God, the faithless human heart, and the deceptive attractiveness of the world.

This is your story and my story isn't it? So many times we try to satisfy ourselves with the lying idols of self-importance or wealth or a good time. Ours is the blindness that like Gomer's cannot distinguish between lust and love.

We try to run from God and drown our miseries in empty pleasures or drink or work or social life but as surely as we think we have escaped, as surely as we think we have run far enough, God touches our sleeve with his love saying My child, my name and my nature are love and I must act according to what I am. When you tire of all your running and your wandering and your heartbreak, I'll be there to draw you to myself again."

That is the story of the Bible isn't it? At Bethlehem God entered the slave market where the whole human race was putting itself up for auction, prostituting itself and its humanity to a cheapened life. But on the cross the Lord Jesus paid the price, the full price for our freedom, and bought us back. This is the story of God's love and God's heart -- his loving desire to make of his people the full persons he intended them to be.

Prayer:

Our Father, we thank you for this beautiful story from the Old Testament, and pray that it touches our own hearts and softens us. How we see the tenderness of your love, the irresistible nature of a love that waits and hurts and hungers and pursues. Lord, we pray that we may respond, that we may understand that no other answer can satisfy us, no other power can meet our need, no other love can heal. Help us to return to you, Lord, as Israel will one day turn to you, remembering that if we walk in the light as he is in the light, the blood of Jesus Christ, God's Son, cleanses us from all unrighteousness and restores us by grace. We pray in his name. Amen.

Just thoughts from a mom who has too many thoughts in her head...... May I remember it's not what anyone thinks or even treats me that matters as much as my service to everything Christ stood for..... Even on the days when I feel like the outcast....  

"And as I try to make my way

To the ordinary world

I will learn to survive"


Blessings! 
~ Special Momma ~